Chapter 32
Thirty-Two
Jason
Victor clears his throat and begins. “Friends, dear ones, we’re gathered here to witness Kelsey and Adrienne exchange vows that lead them to the next stage of their life together.
Marriage is more than the next phase of adulting.
It’s more than a logical step to take when you’ve been together for a while.
And it’s more than just a commitment to the person you love.
It’s a practice, like yoga or meditation, of the same actions taken over and over, daily, with intention and love and dedication to yourself, your spouse, and your relationship.
“Look to models of successful marriages that you know. We wish that Adrienne’s parents could be here with us in person, but we include them by thinking about them and talking about how they contribute to Adrienne and Kelsey’s future life together.
I talked with them before we all arrived here and asked them what advice they’d give their daughter about marriage.
“Adrienne’s mother, Betsy, told me that the secret to their long, happy marriage has been their weekly date night.
Every Friday, Chester and Betsy do something together.
When they were younger and had less money, it might be a picnic in a park with some fruit and cheese and a cheap bottle of wine.
When they were in the throes of caring for Adrienne when she was a baby and refused to sleep through the night, they’d stay home and rent movies so they could pause the flick when Adrienne needed to be fed.
It wasn’t so much what they did together, it was that they carved out that time to be together.
And committed to it, even when it was inconvenient, or they were busy, or tired.
“And when I asked Adrienne’s father, Chester, what he thought their secret was, he said ‘doing the goddamn dishes like a man.’”
There’s a wave of chuckles among the gathered witnesses. Adrienne’s dad is a retired Marine colonel and a gruff, no-nonsense man who’s reticent in speech but rarely holds back when he does talk.
“Chester modeled for Adrienne how spouses share in household chores and how the business of making a home is something to do together, with both partners pulling equal weight.
“Kelsey, you, too, have a model of a successful marriage. Even though we lost your mother far too soon, she and Jason had a near-perfect marriage. It’s not that they never argued or disagreed about things, it’s that they never let those arguments or disagreements interfere with their love for each other.
I asked your mother years ago what made their marriage so successful and she said it was two things. ”
Our eyes meet over the heads of the couple standing before Victor.
I remember this conversation. It was shortly after Leah was diagnosed, before we knew how far the cancer had spread, and how little time she had left.
I wasn’t part of the conversation; I’d gone to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of wine and some snacks.
Leah and Victor were sitting on the back deck together, talking in low voices.
I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop but the kitchen window was open and something about the way they were talking made me think they needed a little time together.
It wasn’t the first time I’d felt left out of their relationship, but it might have been the first time that I didn’t resent it.
I knew Leah would need both of us, for different purposes, while she battled the cancer that ultimately took her, so I stayed where I was and only made enough noise to announce my reentry onto the deck when I thought they were finished.
“Leah said the first thing was communication. Talking about his feelings doesn’t come a hundred percent naturally to your stepdad.”
Another wave of chuckles, accompanied by a handful of sympathetic looks, especially from Logan and Silas. “Thanks a lot,” I mutter. Victor winks at me, and Kelsey blows me a kiss.
“But he worked hard at it, for your mom. They made sure they talked about things, even hard or uncomfortable things. It didn’t make letting her go any easier, but it made the aftermath of her death more bearable.
They had a plan for how life would go on after her and they both knew they’d never missed an opportunity to tell each other how much they’d loved each other. ”
My throat tightens and I close my eyes against the tears that threaten to fall. It was true. The one regret I’ve never had since Leah died is that I didn’t say I love you enough. I said it to her every day, multiple times a day, before and after she got sick.
“The second thing Leah said was key to her successful marriage was affection. A healthy sex life is important.” Another wave of titters and both Kelsey and Adrienne blush a little and look down, then sneak quick looks at each other. Victor doesn’t look in my direction at all.
“But even more important are the little, tender things you do to show your spouse how much you love her. Kisses, hugs, holding hands—touches that aren’t sexual at all—it’s these little things that tell your spouse that she’s the one for you.”
Does he remember last night when I simply held him and ran my fingers up and down his skin? I thought he’d fallen asleep and I admit that I’d maybe gone a little overboard touching him. But he hadn’t seemed to notice and it was so nice to touch someone again.
Victor pauses and now he does look at me. Our eyes meet and his lips lift in a small, secret smile. Just for me. So he does remember.
He turns his attention back to Adrienne and Kelsey.
“Learn from relationships that haven’t been as successful, too.
We all have friends or family members who are good people, yet they divorce or break up with their partner.
Without casting blame or intruding into something that’s none of your business, see if you can pinpoint where you might do things differently.
Complacency can lead to indifference. Dishonesty can lead to infidelity.
Find the challenges that accompany any relationship and think—really think—about what you can do, together and individually, to work around or through those challenges and keep them from becoming insurmountable.
“When things seem dark, look back on this day and how happy you are at the cusp of your wedded life. Reach out to your friends and family—those present and those who would have loved to be here with you—and seek help. We—” Victor spreads his arms wide, encompassing everyone surrounding our daughters, “your friends and family, here and at home, will always be here for you both.”
There’s a spontaneous round of applause. It starts with Logan, Silas quickly picks it up, and soon, everyone is clapping their agreement to not only witness this marriage, but shore it up when necessary. I dash a tear from my cheek with my thumb, then add my own applause.
Kelsey and Adrienne turn slightly to face their audience.
They both smile at everyone and Adrienne lets go of one of Kelsey’s hands to touch her own eye with the tip of her pinky finger.
Kelsey’s just letting her tears drip, making shiny tracks through her makeup.
When they turn back to face Victor, he hands her a tissue from his suit jacket pocket and she delicately pats her tears dry, then folds the tissue and hands it back to him.
“Kelsey and Adrienne, have you come here to be joined in marriage of your own free will, without coercion, and with your whole hearts?” Victor asks.
The girls look at each other and say together, “We have.”
“Are you prepared to love, honor, and cherish each other for the rest of your lives?”
“We are.”
“Kelsey and Adrienne, please face each other, join hands, and declare your consent to marry before your friends and family gathered here.”
Adrienne, with murmured prompts from Victor, starts. “I, Adrienne Louise Wharton, take you, Kelsey Joelle Perez, as my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”
Kelsey, my little girl who must have rehearsed this scene with her dolls a couple hundred times, smiles at Adrienne and repeats her own vows.
“I, Kelsey Joelle Perez, take you, Adrienne Louise Wharton, as my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.”
Adrienne lets go of one of Kelsey’s hands and reaches into her pocket.
She withdraws a ring that Kelsey told me they had designed to fit around her sapphire engagement ring.
It’s platinum, like her engagement ring, with a crescent moon shape of tiny diamonds that curves around the sapphire’s setting.
Adrienne takes Kelsey’s left hand, slips the engagement ring off and slides the wedding band on, then replaces the engagement ring.
“Kelsey, I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity,” she says.
Victor fishes in his suit pocket for a less elaborate ring and hands it to Kelsey.
It’s a platinum band with gold on the inside, another antique that Kelsey found in an estate sale.
It’s understated but very pretty, with a faint art deco design etched on the outside of the ring and initials of the couple who it initially belonged to inscribed on the inside of the band, plus the date of their marriage, this date, one hundred years ago.
I hope the couple who wore it first were as in love as Kelsey and Adrienne are.
“Adrienne,” Kelsey says, as she slides the ring on Adrienne’s left hand. “I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity.”
Victor smiles at both of them, spreads his arms wide again, and says, “Kelsey and Adrienne, in light of your commitment and promises to each other, by the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you married. You may kiss your beloved.”
The girls draw closer together and Adrienne smooths the billowing veil down Kelsey’s back.
They gaze into each other’s eyes for a long moment, then share a sweet, lingering kiss.
When their lips part, they press their foreheads together, and Adrienne whispers something to Kelsey that makes her giggle.
When they disengage and turn back to face the rest of us, Victor clasps his hands in front of him and says, “Please join me in welcoming Kelsey and Adrienne to their new life together!”
We all applaud again and the girls blush adorably.
They clasp hands and look at each other, then at those of us in the audience.
Victor steps behind and between them and puts an arm around each of their shoulders.
I fumble for my phone to get a photo of the three of them together.
The photographer the girls hired is snapping a barrage of photos and I’m sure Kelsey will send me copies later, but I want this picture on my phone now.
After a few more photos, the girls walk hand in hand down the aisle and Victor follows them. When they reach the tree that Kelsey and I waited behind before the wedding started, the girls step aside with the notary to sign the necessary documents to make the marriage legal under Costa Rican law.
Victor approaches me where I’m standing under a sprawling shade tree.
I realize that everyone else has wandered off.
Logan and Silas are a few yards away, chatting in the gazebo, and Kelsey’s and Adrienne’s other friends are heading to the restaurant, where the staff have put together a small reception for us.
Victor grabs hold of a branch and swings toward me like a kid on the monkey bars. “We did it.”
“I think it’s more that they did it,” I reply. “They’re the ones who are married now.”
“Hey, we each had one job to do that made it possible for them to get married.” He glances over his shoulder at the girls and the notary, who’s stacking papers into a neat pile.
She stashes them in a document bag, smiles and shakes her head at something Adrienne says to her, then shakes hands with both girls, and heads down the path toward the resort’s exit.
Kelsey and Adrienne return to the gazebo with the photographer.
I snort. “Your job was to actually marry them. All I did was walk Kelsey down the aisle.”
“And you know how much Kelsey wanted that. I’m not sure she’d consider herself married if she hadn’t had these trappings of a ceremony. Rituals are important.”
I, of all people, understand that. I smile at Victor. “That was a beautiful sermon.”
“Thanks,” he says. “I hope this wasn’t too…I don’t know…blasphemous, for you?”
I shake my head. “No. It was perfect.” He looks a little skeptical. My hand moves before I can stop it and takes his. “Really, Victor. Just perfect.”