2
JAKE
This is insanity. This is pure fucking insanity.
And yet, I can’t find my voice to stop her as Kiera leads me upstairs. Maybe it’s all the alcohol that I’ve had all evening finally kicking in.
Henry and I had been at the bar before I spotted Kiera.
“You might want to slow down there, dude,” he had told me.
I had glared at him. “Why?”
He peered at me closely. “A man only drinks so much when trying to forget someone.”
“Where did you get that from? Fucking Kafka?”
“Kafka doesn’t talk about heartbreak like that.”
“You don’t have to worry. Alcohol barely affects me."
He was right, though. I was trying to forget someone. And yet, my thoughts seemed to have materialized her right before me.
When I first spotted Kiera at the bar, I thought I was hallucinating.
I’m pretty sure I’ve had some weed cookies at some point. I can’t tell. Phi Psi Xi parties are epic. That’s one of the reasons Chris had convinced me to join the fraternity, back when it felt like a good idea to be around my best friend all the time. Back before he started dating Kiera.
Just the thought of him with Kiera sucker punches me in my gut.
When I first introduced them to each other, I never imagined that they would end up together.
When Chris told me how much he liked Kiera, I wanted the Earth to come up and swallow me whole, but instead I had to pretend to be happy for my best friend.
I couldn’t tell Kiera how much I love her, and I thought I had lost her for good.
Does she finally see me? Does she know how much I love her? Or is this just a drunken move to spite Chris?
Do I even care if I get to just be with her? Maybe this is my chance to finally come clean about how I feel for her. How I felt for years.
On the second-floor landing, Kiera shows no signs of slowing down. I know exactly where she’s leading me. The thumping music still vibrates through the walls, but it's quieter here.
I plant my feet, resisting her pull. "Kiera, wait." The words escape my lips, breathless and urgent.
She turns to me, frustration evident in her eyes. Her grip tenses on my arm.
"This is a bad idea." I want this more than anything in the world, and even though I’ve had more drinks than I should have, my rational side tells me this is wrong.
The dim light casts shadows on her face, emphasizing the uncertainty in her eyes.
"Come on, Jake. Don't be such a buzzkill.” She tries to pull on my arm again but when I don’t move, she loses her footing, and I steady her with my arms around her waist.
Her skin is so soft and warm through her top, and I have to resist the urge to squeeze her, trail my fingers upwards until…
I quickly shake myself out of it. One of us has to be practical, even if all my senses are numb, and all I want to do is to melt into her arms and never let her go.
Whatever Chris did, it doesn’t change the fact that Kiera is his girlfriend. And as his friend, I can’t go behind his back like this. And I certainly cannot take advantage of Kiera herself, especially when neither of us is sober. I love her too much to do that. And I want her to want to be with me because she loves me, not to get back at another guy.
“Kiera, seriously. Let's not do this. It's not worth the risk. Besides, you can barely stand up."
She frowns slightly. “Risk for what?”
“ Not to mention, you’re my friend’s girlfriend.”
“Chris cheated on me.”
I didn’t mean for her to find out like this.
She takes my surprise for confusion. “Are you still thinking about him?”
I shake my head.
“Jake, I want you.”
I groan.
Why is she doing this? Does she know how much it kills me to try and resist her like this when all I want is to have her for myself forever and never let her go?
Her alluring rose perfume is not making things any easier for me. Kiera always smells sweet, like the first flower of spring. I noticed it the first time I hugged her. And when I first realized I wanted her to be mine. That was seven years ago. An eternity.
And now she’s finally giving me what I have always wanted. It doesn’t matter how fucked up the entire situation is.
“Please,” she says. “I want this. I need it.”
How long have I fantasized about this very moment? How many times have I thought about telling her that she deserves better than someone like Chris?
A noise comes from right down the hallway.
I may be drunk, but I know what it will look like if someone sees us here like this.
“Kiera, there’s something I need to tell you—”
She shakes her head.
Standing up on her tiptoes, she wraps her arms around me.
And she kisses me.
The moment her lips touch mine, I know there’s no coming back from this.
Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her, deepening the kiss as I guide her into the nearest room, which turns out to be mine. When we are inside, the door swings shut behind us with a soft click, isolating us from the world outside.
Kiera stumbles slightly as I press her against the wall.
I tighten my grip on her waist, my body pressed against hers.
The rise and fall of her chest and the heat emanating from her skin make me crazy, and the air between us crackles.
Her eyes widen, and there’s a subtle undercurrent of something – a mix of uncertainty and anticipation.
Her warmth seeps through the thin fabric of our clothes, a sensation that sends a shiver down my spine, all the way down to my cock.
Good lord, I’m harder by the second, just by having her here in my arms. And all we’ve done is kiss once. Our first kiss.
Blood pounds through my ears.
All these years of dreaming of this moment, I never thought I’d ever be here. She’s my best friend, and I never wanted to make her uncomfortable, never dared to share my true feelings with her because I was afraid she’d reject me and pull away from me.
I prefer to have her as a friend but keep her in my life than not have her at all. And never once did it ever occur to me she might want me back.
I put a hand on her cheek, and her eyes close. I become acutely aware of the delicate fragrance of her hair and the softness of her skin against my chest.
Her wavy strawberry-blonde hair cascades down her shoulder, her cupid-shaped lips pucker slightly, her pupils dilate as she continues to breathe sharply, matching my erratic rhythm.
Night and day, I dream of her. I curse myself that I let Chris have her. I die a little every time I see them together.
I don’t know who leans in first. But one second, we’re apart, and the next second, we’re kissing again.
The taste of alcohol lingers on her lips, and the kiss is a little sloppy and uncoordinated. My arms instinctively go around her, pulling her closer.
Kiera's fingers find their way into my hair and tug at it.
At this point, my erection is almost painful. I push it against her, and Kiera gasps.
Her fingers intertwine in my hair as I kiss her harder, brushing my tongue against her lips, a plea for her to let me in.
When she does, I curl my tongue against hers and give it a little tug, earning a whimper from her that makes its way down to my cock.
I grab her by the hips and lift her and she wraps her legs around my waist.
“Are you—”
“No talking, please. Don’t stop kissing me.”
Her lips crash into mine, and I almost want to laugh at the absurdity, but then her gaze meets mine and I lose all train of thought.
I carry her over to the bed, but when we’re almost there, I step on something strewn on the floor and lose my footing and we end up sprawled on the bed, with me on top of her.
I try to minimize the impact by landing on my elbows so I don’t squash her.
My eyes search hers. “Are you okay?”
She nods, never looking away, and then she giggles.
“What’s so funny?” I frown.
“I think you might kill me today.”
I groan, rolling off her and pulling her on top of me.
She straddles me, and I almost come in my jeans.
“No, but you’ll be the death of me, that’s for sure.”
“Have you seen yourself?” , blinking a couple of times. “Have you been working out?”
I laugh. “Kiera, I play football. What do you think?”
She seems to ponder on this. “You’re definitely muscle-y.”
“Muscle-y? That’s not even a word.”
“Hmmm.”
An awkward silence descends between us as the sane part of my head finally realizes what’s happening.
This is my best friend. Am I really about to do this now?
“Do you need some water?” If this is happening, she needs to be at least somewhat sober. Because I want her to want me. I need her to want me. To remember this is me making love to her.
Her eyes darken. “Water is the last thing on my mind.”
She kisses down my jaw to my neck.
My grip on her tightens as I wrap my arms around her, squeezing her hard against me, allowing myself to feel all of her.
I’ve wanted to do that for so long. I’ve wanted this for so long. Wanted her .
I roll us over again so I’m on top of her.
She looks up at me, her eyes on mine.
Her hands go down to the bottom of my shirt, to take it off before they roam all over my body.
“God, you’re so hot.” She has no filter anymore.
Or is this how she always felt?
I peel her blouse upwards until I reveal her pastel bra. I can’t imagine anyone here in college wearing something like this, and it reminds me just how innocent Kiera is. In my attempt to take it off, I half tear the strap off.
I chuckle, and lean my forehead on hers.
I caress her face and lean in to kiss her while my other hand cups her breast.
She gasps, which soon turns into moans when I pull down the straps and reveal her beautiful breasts. They’re glorious, pale and dotted with little freckles that run down her stomach.
I take one of the nipples in my mouth and suck on it.
Her back arches as I continue to touch and tease, alternating between the two.
My fingers slip down her tummy to slowly unbutton her jeans.
I adjust myself so that I can help her shimmy out of her jeans and remove her panties before pushing my finger inside of her.
I almost come in my pants when I feel her. “You’re so fucking wet, Kiera. And tight.”
She whimpers.
I feel my erection throb as it strains against the fabric of my pants. I unbuckle my jeans while I continue to finger her, but my brain can’t seem to be able to focus on anything but the feel of her, so I try to focus on freeing my cock.
She starts to sit up and reaches for my jeans. “Should I help?”
She reaches for me, but her fingers end up brushing over my sensitive balls, and I grimace.
“Sorry, did I hit you in the balls?”
I laugh. “That’s hardly a hit. And no, Kiera, you didn’t hurt me. It’s just that I’m really hard for you. I don’t think I’ve ever been like this for anyone else.”
And it’s true. She’s the one I’ve always wanted and having her here before me is turning me on more than any girl I’ve ever been with or any fantasy I ever had with her. And tonight, the lines in our relationship are going to be blurred forever. And things will never be the same.
She inhales sharply before saying, “If you are hurting, maybe I should stop. Let you calm down.”
I groan, finally freeing myself before I push her into the bed. “Trust me,” I say, rubbing my cock against her entrance. “That’s the last thing I want.”
I reach down with my finger again. Make sure she is ready for me.
God, it’s heaven down there.
I thrust my finger inside of her a few times before adding a second one. I need to widen her with my fingers so that I can fit. I add a third one and her back flies off the back as she groans. Gorgeous.
When she feels nice and relaxed, I replace my fingers with the head of my cock.
As I push it inside, she grits her teeth, squeezing me. It’s maddening, she’s so tight, and her wet grip on me almost makes me spill. I stop and kiss her forehead.
“Relax for me, honey. I promise I won’t hurt you.”
For a fleeting second, all I can think about is that this is her first time and I’m the only man who will ever have her, but that can’t be. Regardless, I have her now.
It takes a few seconds, but she relaxes around me and I’m able to slide a couple more inches in before she grips me like a vice again. I keep kissing her face and her forehead and her neck and after a few more moments, I’m seated inside her.
I stare down at her in absolute shock and disbelief. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe she is really here under me, and I have her.
I groan as she gradually stretches around me. Her eyes close and open, her gaze holding mine with an emotion so deep, I almost cave and confess my love for her.
I lean in to touch her forehead to mine, our shaky breaths mingling. The world closes around us until it’s only her and me, just like it has always been for me when we are together.
And now I have her in the absolute sense.
She’s mine. All mine.
She gasps, holding on to my shoulders as I start stroking in and out of her.
I lean down to capture her mouth in mine.
As I thrust into her, her little moans and whimpers drive me insane and my movements become harder, faster.
She is taking me so beautifully. I could live here forever. Inside her.
I lick her nipple and suck on it as I thrust inside her. My hand reaches down to her clit because I’m getting too fucking close, and she needs to come first. Always.
As soon as I find it and apply some pressure to it, she explodes, screaming my name and squeezing me so hard that I follow her over the edge.
The intensity of what I just experienced, the pleasure and the feeling and the fact that this is Kiera, almost knocks me out, and I slump against her.
Her arms wrap around me and hold me there. I could stay inside her forever. Make love to her. Fuck her. Have her warm pussy grip me tightly as she milks me to oblivion.
When she winces, I realize I’m weighing down on her and I roll away, lifting my weight off her body.
My heart is beating so fast I’m afraid it’ll come out of my mouth. But at the same time, I’m entirely satiated. And I feel like I’m right at home. We’re finally together—Kiera and me. Nothing else matters.
“Hey.” I meet her gaze. Sweat beads dot her forehead, and her swollen lips part a little.
“Hey, you.” She takes a deep breath. “That was something.”
I laugh. “Awkward?”
“A little,” she admits. “But also, amazing.”
Instead of answering, I lean in and kiss her before pulling the comforter over her body. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She snuggles against me.
I pull her to me and she lays her head on my chest. My eyes close for a second, taking the moment in.
I need to make sure she doesn’t regret being with me. That this was as magical to her as it was to me. “Are you sure?”
“It doesn’t even sting anymore.”
“That’s probably the alcohol numbing your senses.”
“I don’t think so. I can’t explain it. Seeing him like that—” she shudders. “The betrayal was like a knife slicing through me. But that was it. I was sad and feeling betrayed, but I don’t think I was heartbroken. Not the way I hear people talking about it.”
I know this will hit her sooner or later, maybe even crush her for a bit, but I’m glad to see she’s taking it in stride. And I will make sure I’m there to pick her up and take care of her.
She looks up at me, her brows furrowing together.
I laugh. “What?”
She shakes her head. “I came here because I was going to give myself to him. I’m glad it happened with you. I trust you the most in the world.”
Fuck. It was her first time. And I was tender and tried to treat her as the precious gift she is, but guilt still streaks through me.
She looks so open and vulnerable. She has bared herself to me in all ways. It kills me that Chris would do that to her. It destroys me that she had to find out like that.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you about Chris.”
Her head snaps up and she is looking at me when she sits up, covering herself with the comforter.
“What… You knew?”
I drop my head.
I had no idea he was cheating on her, but I saw Chris going upstairs with them, I knew what it would lead to, I warned him not to do it. He wouldn’t listen. So, I was waiting until he left his bedroom to tell him to come clean or I would tell Kiera. Except she is here now, and she caught him before either of us ever got the chance to talk to her.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I—”
“Stop! I don’t want to hear anymore.” She gets out of bed and starts putting on her clothes.
“Kiera, please.” I try reaching for her. “Let me explain.”
“What’s there to explain? You knew my boyfriend was cheating on me but took his side on this. Kept it secret from me. I had to walk in on my boyfriend fucking two other women. Two.”
“That’ not true! I’d never take his side.” And it’s the true. I was just going to give him the chance to do the right thing.
She scoffs. “By keeping me in the dark, that’s exactly what you did.”
“I didn’t kn—”
She puts on her shoes. “No more lies.”
“I swear, Kiera. I would never hurt you like that.”
She turns to me, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. “You already did. And you know the worst part? I trusted you the most not to break my heart.”
“Kiera—” My voice breaks.
“Goodbye, Jake. Don’t call me, and don’t you fucking dare follow me.”
The door bangs shut behind her.
I’m frozen in bed, unaware of how much time passes, until I snap out of it, put on my boxer shorts, and race downstairs.
There’s no sign of her at the party.
I run out to the front yard and try her phone. It goes straight to voicemail. She has made her decision pretty clear.
I just lost my best friend. I lost my entire world.