26
KIERA
Moving back home with my parents might be the best decision that I've made in my adult life. I sat them down and told them the reason I had quit my job and moved home. They were understandably very confused at first since neither of them had any idea that I had reconnected with Jake or even the fact that I was actually working for him.
They were very understanding and supportive about the whole thing. Although my mother did insist on going to the Bennett house and having "a talk" with Jake's parents.
That's the absolute last thing I want to happen.
I made the decision to keep him away from my baby, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't let his cheating, lying shadow fall upon my sweet baby.
The door opens as I'm thumbing through my dog-eared copy of Persuasion .
Mom peeks in, a bowl in her hand. “Am I disturbing you?"
I sit up straighter. She comes over to help me, fussing with pillows.
“Mom, I’m okay,” I say.
“I know you are,” she says. “I like taking care of you. And my grandbaby.”
She takes a seat on the duvet opposite to me. It’s nice to talk about the baby outside of my relationship with Jake. My Mom accompanied me to my first scan last week where I saw my baby for the first time. He was little more than a peanut, but as I watched it on the screen, inside me, everything just made that more real.
Mom started crying, and we hugged each other. I know she has kept a copy of the ultrasound under the pillow.
My parents have taken the news in stride and are very excited about the arrival of the baby. Mom even went crazy getting brand-new knitting needles, and expensive woolen yarns so that she could get a head-start. And I find my Dad poring over color schemes on the living room couch often.
My parents have always been supportive of my decision. That’s been the case when I was younger and decided that I was going to move to Boston. I knew they expected me to come back to Eros after college. But they never held me back.
She hands me the bowl of soup. No chicken. I’ve found myself getting nauseous just at the smell of it.
Mom lingers.
“Did you want to talk about something?”
“Saw a familiar face on the street today."
"I don't understand your obsession with the postman," I say. "Who even writes letters?"
She frowns. "What? No, I'm not stalking the postman. I saw Jake."
My heart skips several beats. I keep the book away and turn to gauge the look on her face to make sure she's not messing with me.
"What?"
"I saw Jake. He drove past our house today."
"You must be mistaken," I say. "He's back in Boston."
He is, isn't he? There's no way he can know I'm here. The only people who know I moved home are Ellie and Tammy.
"Now, I haven't seen him in a few years, but it was him," Mom says. "He's starting to look more and more like his father."
"Mom, this is serious."
“It was him, I’m pretty sure.”
“Just make sure he doesn’t come in here. I don’t want to see his face.”
“Kiera—” Mom starts but I hold up a hand.
“Mom, I’m serious. I don’t want to talk about him. Jake is here because Eros is his hometown, as much as it is mine. But he doesn’t get access to me.”
I want to hear nothing about him.
Just the other day, Ellie and I had a strange conversation. She wanted to talk about the other woman. But I shut her down immediately and excused myself from the call, telling her that I was feeling dizzy. She panicked and apologized. What the hell was that?
And does that have something to do with the fact that Jake is here now? But no, Ellie would never tell him where I am. She’s my friend, not his.
“Okay fine, we’re not going to talk about Jake. But let’s talk about you.”
“What about me?” I ask.
“You’re going to be a good mother, Kiera,” she says.
Where’s this coming from?
“Thanks, Mom, for believing in me,” I say. “But you’re my mother, you’re supposed to say that.”
Besides, I’m kind of a mess right now. Though talking to her about the baby, being optimistic about the future has helped. With my parents by my side, maybe I can do a pretty good job of raising the kid without Jake in the scenario.
“No really, Kiera,” she says, patting me on my arm. “You have this light inside you. It was always there, even when you were just a baby.”
When she looks up at me, she has tears in her eyes.
“Okay, Mom. You’re freaking me out a little.”
She shakes her head and leans forward to touch my cheek. “You saved me, Kiera. At the lowest point of my life. You saved my marriage.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Your Dad and I were having problems in our marriage. We got together young and got married too quickly. Maybe it was just not the right timing, you know? He was getting started in his career, and he spent hours out of the house. I was left here alone. I got a job, but that made things worse. We hardly saw each other. That’s when we found out that we were pregnant with you. It was the lowest point of our marriage. There were no arguments, but we were hardly talking to each other. Your father and I…we were both going through something incredibly difficult.”
“Mama, I had no idea.”
“I never told you,” she says. “Because I wanted to protect you. But you’re all grown up now. You’re going to be a mother now, Kiera. Part of me didn’t want to admit my own weakness to you. I always wanted to be strong for you, but I was breaking inside, so much so that I almost considered not bringing you into this world. But the moment I saw you, I knew I would have made the worst mistake of my life. You were in my arms, and you were the most perfect thing, Kiera.”
“Mama—”
“I’m not saying the initial months weren’t difficult, but you had this thing about you, kiddo. You brought your Dad back to me, and we were closer than ever.”
By the end of the story, both she and I are crying.
She squeezes my palm. “But when you came in here, and told me what happened, I saw how broken you were, but you were so brave for the sake of your child. You didn’t let yourself break. Even your Dad…he was going through something difficult. I didn’t see it outside my grief. But when the time came, he stepped up.”
I finally see where she’s going with this. “You’re wrong about one thing. Jake isn’t like Dad.”
“Now, I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, or what happened.”
I grab my belly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m not forcing you to, but it’s difficult to raise a child by yourself.”
“Watch me do it,” I say. “You just said I’m a strong girl. Have some faith in me.”
"Baby, I'm not challenging you." She sighs. "Maybe Jake being here is a good thing. You can't raise the baby alone, you know. I mean, you can, but you shouldn’t have to."
"I have you and Dad and Tammy and Ellie."
"You know what I mean, Kiera. The baby needs to grow up with both parents."
"I'm not having a baby around someone who broke my trust."
She shakes her head. “What did he do that was so terrible?”
I swallow hard. I haven’t told them what actually happened. It’s pathetic, but a part of me is still trying to protect him.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t feel so good, and talking to him isn’t going to help.”
There’s a short pause. “You know whenever I saw you together when you were younger, I always got the feeling that you would end up together even though you always insisted you were just friends.”
I stare at her in disbelief. “What made you think that?”
“Just a hunch.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I respected your decisions. You’ll find out when you become a mother that you have to let your baby do all the discoveries on their own. That’s how they grow up. And difficult as it may be for me to see you like this, I’m going to respect your decision."
“Thank you,” I say, feeling a little guilty for yelling at her.
She kisses me on my forehead before leaving the room.
I stare out of the window.
Is Jake here? For me? No, that can’t be. He has no good reason to be here.
I close my eyes as a wave of sadness passes over me.
Mom’s words keep replaying in my head. She’s right about one thing. I know Jake.
I never thought that he would do this. Am I making a mistake here?
What was Ellie trying to tell me earlier? I reach for my phone and then stop. No, I’m letting my emotions cloud my judgment. That’s how people find it so easy to cheat on me.
And maybe one day, for the sake of my baby, we’ll have to set aside our differences and make peace. But that’s not going to be today. Just the thought of the future, of us being apart, shatters me from inside all over again.