28
KIERA
I wait for a few minutes before I walk out to the window. The door closes downstairs, and I pull my curtain aside and look down. Seeing him walk away is one of the most painful things ever.
He stops and whirls around on his feet.
I pull back as he calls, “Kiera.”
My heart thunders in my chest, a deafening roar in my eyes.
The look on his face haunts me. Jake looks so broken… Except, other than that night that was a misunderstanding and now, he never really lied to me before. So, why?
Could he have changed so much in the past five years?
I sit down on my bed.
I need to be strong. I saw his name on Chris’s phone. The woman, whoever she was told Chris Jake wasn’t there, not that she didn’t know him. If I fall for his lies again, I’ll be nothing more than a fool.
Now he knows I never want to see him again. Maybe he’ll stay away.
But why does that thought hurt me so much?
I text Ellie.
Has Jake been by the apartment?
Her answer comes fast.
Yes, and you should really listen to what he has to say.
I can’t believe that he managed to manipulate my best friend, as well.
How dare he?
I stop going out and start staying in. I know my parents are worried about me, but they don’t ask questions. Well, at least I’ve gotten a lot of reading done.
And I’m exhausted all the time, even without doing anything. Sometimes, I’ll open my laptop and add new inspiration to my Pinterest board. I wonder how the museum project is going before quickly shaking myself out of it.
In the week that passes, Jake doesn't stop coming by my house. He's there every morning, afternoon, and evening. He always asks to talk to me, and he always has something with him. It's either freshly made donuts and bagels from this bakery we used to hang out when we were younger, or flowers, and maybe even a book. Every morning, afternoon, and evening, I come down to a gift in the kitchen.
Every morning, afternoon, and evening, after I insist, my parents will have it removed. I'm too proud to ask where they put them, or if they do what I asked and threw the gifts out.
Except this morning. Jake hasn't come yet.
I'm sitting on the couch, pretending to read Emma , when in truth, I'm watching the clock like a hawk. He's late.
Maybe he finally realized how futile his actions are and decided to stop trying.
That doesn’t give me a lick of satisfaction, and all I feel in my stomach is a pit of emptiness.
My mom peeks into my room. “Is this a good time?”
I’ve been on the edge a lot, so I can tell my parents are tiptoeing around me. The last time I went to a doctor, they told me that my blood pressure range was a bit concerning. That alarmed my parents, but at least they haven’t brought up Jake ever since. He’s like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in this house even though I know he stops by every day, several times a day.
“Sure,” I say. “Did Jake send you in here to talk to me again?”
She frowns. “No, he isn’t here yet.”
“I see,” I reply, averting my eyes.
“He might be leaving town,” she says. “Your dad saw him earlier today going in the opposite direction. Maybe he went back to the city.”
I turn a page. But I don’t register any words in my head as my vision blurs. “Good.”
“Do you really mean that?”
I slam the book shut. “Well, what exactly do you want me to tell you?”
“Baby, I’m just trying to understand,” she says. “You don’t have to get mad at me. I know that’s easier said than done. The first trimester is always the hardest part. And I just don’t want to see you doing that alone.”
“I’m not alone,” I say. I hate the way my voice cracks. “You’ve been taking care of me, talking to me, knitting clothes for a baby that isn’t here yet, and bringing me food every few hours. Doesn’t that count?”
“I’m your mother, sweetie. But I can see that you’re obviously unhappy. Maybe talking to Jake would ease some of that pain.”
“No,” I say firmly.
“You don’t have to be stubborn all the time, Kiera,” she says. She sounds mildly frustrated.
I know this must be as hard for her as it is for me.
“I’m not.”
“Do you ever plan on talking to him, Kiera?” she says. “That boy has been here every day for the past week. He’s dying to talk to you. I can see that on his face.”
“Don’t you think I am?” I say. “I love him.”
She smiles at me. “I knew it.”
“Well, are you happy now?” I say, looking away. “There, I’ve admitted it. I love him. Even knowing what he did, I still do.”
“Then what’s the harm in talking to him? You guys are going to have a baby together. You can’t shut him out of your life. And in a few years, when the baby grows up and asks you the difficult questions, what are you going to tell him?”
I look away, clenching my teeth. I don’t want to imagine a future where there is no Jake by my side. “I don’t know.”
"Maybe we should talk with the Bennetts," she says.
“Over my dead body,” I say.
“Kiera!” Mom replies sharply. “Don’t you ever say that.”
“Then you should really stop bringing Jake up. He and I are never getting back together. Period,” I say. “Never.”
I don’t know if I’m telling this to her, or just trying to convince myself.
She rubs her face. “I just—I don’t know what he did, though.”
“He broke my trust, Mom.” I can’t hold back the dam anymore. I’ve been keeping this from them for too long.
“What?” she says, blinking in surprise.
“When I was at home, waiting for him, he was with some other girl,” I sob.
She rushes over to me. “Oh, my god, Kiera. Please, calm down.”
I cling to my mother like I used to when I was a child. She keeps patting my head and rubbing my back. “It’s okay, Kiera. I’m here.”
I look up at her through tears-streaked eyes. “Do you think I’m pathetic?”
“No, baby, no. I didn’t mean to upset you. You haven’t told me what’s going on. I just wanted to find out,” she says. “I went too far.”
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. “No, you’re right. I’ve been holding on to the truth for too long. It was hurting my heart.”
“Talk to me, please,” she says.
I give her a rundown of everything that happened, starting from him leaving for Spain on short notice, and then Chris showing up to confront me with the ugly truth.
My mother is silent for a few moments.
“I mean, I guess, at this point, I’ve decided that this is my fate,” I say. “At this point, I’ve been cheated over like a billion times.”
“What?” Mom says, looking confused.
I sniffle. “Before Jake it was Gregory. And before him, it was Spencer, and before it was Chris. The only common thing is that they all ended up cheating on me and screwing me over.”
“Gregory? Your colleague from the museum?”
“Yes, we were seeing each other. It had been a few months, I didn’t want to jump the gun, so I didn’t want to tell you about him. I was just about ready to when I found that he had booked a vacation with his other girlfriend.”
“Kiera, that’s horrible.”
“That’s how Jake and I met again,” I say. “I should have known it was a bad omen. I should have walked away from it.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” she says, cupping my cheeks. Mom is crying. “You don’t deserve that at all.”
“Don’t I?” I say. “Maybe my love stories are doomed. Maybe I’m never meant to find love.”
She shakes her head. “I know how that kind of a thing can mess up a person. They were wrong, not you. All you’re capable of is love. But Jake—”
“He’s no different.” I can’t believe that she’s still trying to make a case for him after everything that I’ve told her. “He broke my trust.”
"Did he, though?" Mom shoots back.
I frown. “Mom, didn’t you just hear what I told you?”
“I heard you all right. Gregory, Chris, and the others have hurt you too much. I don’t blame you for being skeptical.”
“That’s not true,” I say.
“What I mean—”
“You think I jumped the gun.”
“Kiera, calm yourself,” she says. “Come on, breath in. Yes. Now, breath out.” She has been taking a few pre-natal classes with me, and the breathing cues do end up calming me a bit.
“Now let’s talk like adults. Without getting upset,” she says. “I’ve finally gotten through to you. I just want to know everything that’s going on in your head. The hurt, the confusion, everything.”
“Okay, fine, we can talk,” I say.
“And Jake.”
“Mom—”
“Kiera, this is important. For your baby’s sake.”
“Okay, fine. But don’t forget, you’re still on my team.”
She cracks a smile. “Always.”
“Okay, now shoot.”
"Let’s go through everything that you told me. You think Jake stepped out on you.”
“I don’t just think so,” I say. “I know.”
“You have no concrete proof that he did what you're accusing him of doing," she says. "Just because your ex showed up and told you, and somehow he got her on Jake's phone? Something doesn't add up. And I still don't understand why you're trusting Chris, of all people, after he hurt you badly."
When she says it like that, it does sound fucked up. Frustration racks through me, along with a hint of doubt.
Could it be? But no…
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the deception. There’s no way Chris could have pulled the entire thing off. The woman had Jake’s phone.
"I don't trust Chris. But I trust my gut. And Jake went on for days without a simple hi," I say. “Why would he ignore me for so long and not answer my texts or calls?”
"Maybe because something was wrong with his phone and that’s why that woman had it?” she says. After a deep breath, she adds. “Listen, Kiera, you know Jake better than me. You’ve known him for years. People make mistakes.”
“What he did was unforgivable.”
“I know, but what I’m saying is that people may change as they grow up, but the core part of them never does.”
“So, you think that Jake is some kind of a saint? That he couldn’t have done this?”
“Not what I’m saying, and if you’re certain—"
“I am. I have all the facts.” I scowl. "I think you're forgetting you're my mom, not his."
"I'm sorry, baby. I just want what's best for you.”
“And you think that’s Jake?”
“Yes.”
“Mom, this isn’t some fantasy or romance novel. Jake betrayed me in the worst possible way,” I say. “We might have been friends, once upon a time, but there’s a good reason we stopped being close.”
“You were wrong before,” she reminds me.
“Mom—”
She holds up her hand. “I swear I’m not trying to win any arguments here. But think about it. You know that boy more than anyone in this world. Peek into your heart. Do you really think he’s capable of hurting you like this?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
“You just admitted that you love him. And I see the same love in him,” she says. “If not for yourself, then for the sake of your baby, you have to make some hard decisions.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in.
She’s right. For better or for worse, the baby has tied Jake and me together.
“Do I have to decide right away?”
“Of course not,” she says. “Take your time. Maybe go for a walk? You haven’t stepped foot outside this house in a week.”
That’s because I’m always scared about running into Jake. But he’s gone now, so that’s not going to be a problem.
And my heart shatters all over again at the thought the regardless of what decision I make, I might be too late. My breath starts to come a bit shorter.
“You know what? A walk sounds like a good idea.”