Chapter 37
CHAPTER 37
Back at the apartment, I did my best to hide how much my body hurt.
Porter walked to the bathroom. “I’m going to run you a bath. You’ll feel better after you soak.”
I held up my bandages and followed him in.
He ran my bath, then turned to me. “I’ve got you covered.” He carefully undressed me and lifted me into the tub. “Keep your hands on the edge of the tub.”
I should have felt self-conscious about my naked state, but the warm water felt too damn good. I laid back and observed Porter with half-shut eyes. He sat beside the tub, and his hand rested on my stomach. He appeared lost in thought.
“Does this mean our hot night where I’m the sex slave is canceled?”
His tone remained dry, “Oh, I think I’ve done enough damage to your body tonight.”
“Porter,” my voice went soft.
His eyes lifted to mine. “I shouldn’t have taken that call.”
“I shouldn’t have gone to the store by myself. ”
“I was distracted.”
“You’re not to blame. You saved me.”
“I also hurt you.”
His evident guilt told me I needed to change the conversation. So I asked a question I wasn’t sure he’d answer. “Who’s Jordan?”
His jaw tightened. “My brother.”
Ahhh. “Okay.”
“My dad’s retiring from ranching.”
I waited, hoping that he’d share something of himself without me asking.
Don’t make me pry. Please, don’t make me pry.
“My dad owns one of the biggest ranches in Montana. As each of my brothers grew up, he parceled off exactly one-sixth of his land to each of them.”
“Okay.”
He swirled his fingertips over my stomach. “He ran his family like a democracy. Each time he did that, all of us had a vote. He said this was our future, and we all had a say. Everyone had to vote, and everyone had to vote yes for it to happen.”
“Oh, wow.”
His eyes lifted to mine. “The remaining sixth piece of land, he’s been ranching. He’s parceled everything else off to my brothers, and now he wants us all to vote on giving the last piece to me.”
My mouth parted as I remembered his side of the conversation.
I hear you. No, I get that, but I don’t deserve any of that. I don’t even think I should vote…
I get that, Jordan, but I haven’t been back there in years. I have no say in this decision. Nor should I…
Jordan, I honestly have no say. I support whatever you guys decide.
“You don’t think you deserve that,” my voice was soft. I had no idea of the history of his family, but I knew that he felt he didn’t deserve his piece of land.
“I know I don’t.” Sadness seeped from his eyes .
I lifted a bandaged hand and touched his face. He turned towards it and kissed my hand. Our eyes met again.
“I think you deserve the world.” I meant it.
He studied me for a long moment. “Why?”
“I just do. I think you’re incredible.”
“Beth.”
I had no idea why, but tears spurted out of my eyes. I clumsily wiped them away with the back of my bandages. “Sorry. I never cry.”
“Talk to me.”
I hated that I was screwing all of this up. I hated that I made Porter pretend to be something fake because he was the most authentic person I knew. Right now, he was the only thing that made sense in my life.
But how could I tell him that? How could I say to him that I felt real feelings for him? I was shocked that the guy was still here. A teary, emotional confession was exactly what this man didn’t need.
“I’m screwing this all up.”
He reached forward and wiped one of my tears off my cheek. “Hey, come on.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I just…you’re just…I think you deserve it all. All the happiness and your piece of land.”
His smile was bemused. “That’s why you’re crying?”
My bottom lip trembled hard. “Pretty much.”
His teeth flashed as his smile grew. “You’re really cute when you cry. You know that?”
“You haven’t seen my ugly cry yet.”
He laughed. “And what does that entail?”
“I get really puffy and red. And there’s a lot of snot. More than what would be considered normal.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Oh trust me. That’s a show you want to miss.”
“Beth.”
We stared at each other, my pulse quickening with each passing second .
I knew that if this conversation continued, in my state, I would end up blurting out things that we’d both regret. I bit my lip. “I think I want to get out now.”
He took a washcloth, added a dab of soap, and lathered it softly across my body. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy being cared for. After the day I’d had, I wanted to curl up with Porter and sleep into the next day.
I shivered as he toweled me off, taking extra care to gently dry my body, each touch deliberate and so damn soft, I wanted to cry at the way he treated me like royalty.
He helped me get ready for bed, then tucked me in.
“Aren’t you going to come to bed?” I hated how needy I sounded.
He leaned down and gave me a lingering kiss on this lips. “I just have to make some phone calls.”
I woke up to the sun streaming into my room and Porter cuddling me from behind. I groaned, loving how warm his big body felt wrapped around me.
“How are you feeling?”
To be honest, I felt like I had been tackled by a 220-pound man onto a cement sidewalk. “I feel great,” I lied, not wanting to add to his guilt. “In fact, I feel almost back to normal.”
“Liar.”
I slowly rolled my body over, so I faced him, using most of my effort to stifle my pained groan. “Nope. I’m fine. I’m totally good.”
He tapped me on the nose. “You know what we call that in the military?”
“What?”
“SEAL tough.”
“You saying I’m tough?”
“Damn straight.”
“Is it hard to be a SEAL? ”
“No. Not really.”
“What do you like about it?”
His eyes searched my face. “To be honest? I like fighting.”
“Is that why you fought with Yates?”
He snorted. “That wasn’t a fight.”
“Did the military teach you to like fighting?”
“No one can teach you to like to fight, but I think the military just helped me focus that energy.”
“What do you like about it?”
“I think when the bullets are flying, and there is a real risk to your life, that’s when the world just slows down.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you’re in a real fight, the consequences are big. If you lose you die, and if you win you live. My mind becomes completely focused. My body can do these amazing feats — I have speed and strength that I don’t have any other time. And all this adrenaline is pumping, so I feel amazing, but this sense of calm just washes over me. Those moments are when I’m the best version of myself.”
I stared at him in fascination. “That’s why you like to fight.”
“Yup.”
I thought about the video of him racing across the street, being narrowly missed by a speeding car and flying through the air to save me. “Did time slow down when you saved me last night?”
He paused so long I wasn’t sure he was going to answer. “Time didn’t just slow down. My fucking heart stopped.”