Chapter 55
CHAPTER 55
At the doorway of the penthouse, I grabbed Emily’s arm. “Is he gone?”
“He did what you asked, and he left.”
Knowing Porter wasn’t here, made my heart ache. At the church, Emily had gone into a mode I’d never seen before. She placed Jackson and my security team at the doorway of the bridal suite and banned anyone else from coming in.
She sat beside me on the floor and held me while I wept. When I could no longer cry, she helped me get out of my dress. I wanted to talk. I wanted to tell her that my heart was breaking. I wanted to get angry and throw things and curse his name. I wanted to beg her, ask her how I could possibly live the rest of my life without him in it.
But the words remained stuck inside of me. For the life of me, I couldn’t speak. So, I sat on the chair like a statue and watched as she pulled every pin out of my hair and brushed my hair out. I lifted my face to hers as she used a warm facecloth to wash my face. I sipped the glass of scotch she'd placed in my hand, unable to help as she packed up the room.
At my request, she’d sought out Porter and told him I needed space. She told him to leave the penthouse. Apparently, he had obeyed. Now, we stood in the penthouse, alone.
“Do you want something to eat?”.
“Not really.” This place felt so empty, so quiet without Porter. “Where are Jackson and Theo?”
“I sent them to a hotel.”
“Emily.” Her kindness would be my undoing.
“I’m going to order Thai food. You don’t have to eat, but I’m starving.”
I ate the Thai food. We sat at the big island in the kitchen and ate in silence. Yet another reason I loved Emily. Anyone else would talk or try to make me feel better or ask too many damn questions. Not Emily. She quietly sat with me.
“You’d be good at a wake.”
“Awake?”
“No, a wake. Two words. Like when the family sits around the coffin and holds a vigil for the person who has died?”
“Oh, a wake. Why?”
“Because you’re so comfortable being quiet.”
“This is your time.”
“Did you know it would end like this?”
She dangled noodles into her mouth from her chopsticks. “Well, up until this morning, I thought the plan was to call your fake wedding off in a very amicable fashion. You’d either be locked up here doing dirty things with Porter or you’d be alone and sad. Either way, I figured you’d need some space.”
This.
This was why Emily was my best friend.
“How was my mom?”
She shrugged. “I thought she’d be more upset, but she focused her attention on Roo which I think took her mind off everything.”
“Is he okay?”
“An ambulance was called and he was treated for fatigue and dehydration. They gave him an IV while he sobbed like a baby, and those two things seemed to restore his spirits.”
“My mom loves Roo. I think if she could, she’d adopt him.”
“What about you?”
“He suits our family.” I couldn’t bring myself to talk about Porter. The words were there, choking in my chest, but I couldn’t say his name out loud.
“I love Virginia, but man do I miss New York food.”
New York. This city would never feel the same. Neither would my apartment. How would I go back to my old life? What had I done before Porter had been in my life? Had I laughed? I had spent so much time alone.
I didn’t know how I’d bear it.
I pushed my plate away. “I need to sleep.”
If I didn’t shut down my brain, my thoughts or this massive crack that was opening in my heart, I wasn’t sure I’d survive. Sleep was my only option.
“You’re mom gave me her valium.”
“Give me.” I held out my hand.
She shook out one blue pill into the palm of my hand. “I’ll be here all night.”
I crushed her in a hug. “Thank you.”
And then I crawled into the bed that still smelled like him, and I sobbed myself to sleep.