CHAPTER 12
ROBBIE
The sun had set by the time we got to Soho; the warm day gave way to a pleasant evening.
I’d never been to this part of London before; it was only a few minutes’ walk away from the station, yet it could have been on another planet.
It was so vibrant. The streetlight pulsed with neon, every doorway spilling music and laughter.
I followed Ashton through the crowd, nerves jangling, until we stopped outside a club glowing like a prism — rainbow lights flickering across the facade, bass thudding through the pavement, and pride flags fluttered in the light breeze.
We paid the cover fee and headed through a passageway and entered a gay-utopia.
Inside, the air was thick with heat and perfume; bodies pressed close, moving as one tide.
Glitter caught in the strobes, sequins flashed, and drag queens twirled on stage with impossible grace.
I’d never seen so many guys in hot pants!
And was that one wearing a harness? I froze at the entrance, speechless.
Even when I was in college, I didn’t go clubbing much; I had little money then, and I was too self-conscious.
Even with Evan acting as my personal cheerleader. That, and I’m not much of a dancer.
“I don’t...I don’t know if I can do this.”
Ashton leaned close, voice low and warm against my ear. “Relax. No one’s watching you. Everyone’s too busy being themselves.” Apart from the odd glance our way, no one was paying us much attention.
Ashton pulled me deeper into the crowd. The dance floor was a kaleidoscope: men kissing without hesitation, women laughing with arms around each other, strangers spinning together as if they’d known each other forever. My chest tightened. I’d never seen desire so unashamed, so alive.
We made our way towards the bar, and I tried to keep my eyes from straying to the dark corners.
Where I could hear moans over the sound of the music.
I could feel my pulse thrumming, and I felt a little lightheaded, like I’d just drunk a bottle of Jack.
Instead of the glass of pink stuff that tasted like bubble-gum.
I didn’t ask what it was; I just drank it when it was thrust into my hand by some random guy who just winked at me and called me ‘cute’.
“He’s right, you know.” Turning, Ashton smiled at me. A moment later, he tugged me forward, his hand brushing mine. “You are cute.”
Oh. My. God. If my mind wasn’t already blown by being here, Ashton calling me cute would have done it.
Ashton’s eyes sparkled with an inner fire as he pressed closer.
My lungs froze as my brain went offline.
I almost resisted when he slipped his hand around my waist, then let the rhythm catch him and me along with him. The bass-line vibrated through my ribs, loosening something I hadn’t realised was clenched.
His smile was doing things to me. When he whispered in my ear. “See? Not so scary.” I felt all fizzy inside and almost melted through the floor. Feeling excited and more than a little nervous.
“Feels like stepping into another world.” I admitted.
Giving my shoulder a gentle bump as he pulled me closer, our chests touching. “It’s the same world. Just brighter.”
A drag queen swept past, showering us with glitter from a handheld cannon.
I didn’t mean to inhale it, but as soon as it hit the back of my throat, I was sputtering, gasping for breath, sounding more like a donkey, which just made me laugh more, rainbow sparkles clinging to my hair and shirt.
Ashton laughed too, brushing a fleck from my cheek, his fingers lingering just long enough to make my pulse stutter.
The music shifted — a remix of Queen, Freddie’s voice soaring above the beat.
Causing my breath to hitch, closing my eyes, I pictured Dad, his smile, the way he hummed along to his music while he moved around the house.
Now, in this place, it all made sense. It was hard not to think of my father.
Would he have come to a place like this if he’d had the chance?
The thought was bittersweet, saying that Dad wasn’t much of a dancer either, so-maybe not.
I could feel Ashton looking at me, watching. His expression, softer now.
“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”
Swallowing back my emotions, I nodded, waiting for the moment to pass before sharing my thoughts. “Yeah. And about me. About...what I want. Who I want to be. Who I want to love.” My voice sounds small and uncertain.
Ashton’s hand pressed against my heart, where it beat steady and certain.
“Then stop thinking. Just dance. Sway with me.”
And I did. For the first time, I wasn’t hiding. I was part of the light, the laughter, the chaos. Those rainbow sparkles still clung to my skin, and Ashton’s smile anchored me in the storm. As we swayed to the music, while Freddie sang about finding love.