Chapter 34 Easton
EASTON
Iwake in the middle of the night to whispering voices. Kelsey is sitting on the floor. A male hand has slid beneath the door, and she’s holding it.
I can’t hear his words—only hers. I love you so much. I can’t wait to be your wife.
My eyes sting. The way they love each other hurts. It makes me realize what I don’t have and probably never will have.
It could have been me and Elijah, but he apparently doesn’t care in the same way Hawk does. He doesn’t care enough to sit in the hallway in the middle of the night simply to hear my voice, to hold my hand.
Hawk says something and Kelsey quietly laughs. “This is going to be the most loved baby in the entire world. She’s going to be so spoiled.”
My eyes go wide. What the fuck?
There is only one way to interpret what she just said. I guess it explains why Hawk has hovered so much, why Kelsey refused to drink, and oh, God, I wouldn’t let her go to sleep at her bachelorette, and holy shit. Kelsey’s going to be a mom.
Kelsey slips back into bed while I feign sleep.
After a moment, she laughs. “You are the worst fake sleeper I’ve ever seen in my life. How much did you hear?”
My eyes fly open. “Oh, just, you know, that you love him so much and that you can’t wait to be his wife and there was something else, but gee, it slips my mind.”
Her eyes shine in the moonlight. “You’re such an asshole. Yes, I’m pregnant.”
I reach across the bed to squeeze her hand. “Congratulations. You sounded pretty happy, so I’ll assume it’s okay that it’s happening in this order.”
She smiles. “I’m thrilled. We were going to start trying over our honeymoon, and I guess we just got a little head start.”
“And you’re having a girl?”
She laughs. “We said we were going to wait to find out, but apparently I’m bad at waiting to do anything.”
“I can’t believe Elijah was able to keep a secret from me this whole trip.”
Her smile fades. “He doesn’t know yet,” she says. “We were planning to tell him at brunch on Sunday.”
“I won’t tell him I know,” I reassure her. “This is amazing news, though.”
Her smile remains muted, though. I wish I knew why.
When we wake the next morning, sun is pouring through the windows—which I guess means the hurricane has turned away. Kelsey wakes only seconds later, and nothing has changed in her face. She was thrilled about this wedding last night, and she’s still thrilled.
She really meant it yesterday, when she said she would be just as happy in pouring rain.
She jumps out of bed and goes to the window. Already, the tent clanks below us as it’s put back up. With the clamor they’re making I’m stunned we slept as long as we did.
“You’re not allowed to go downstairs,” I tell her sternly, pulling on a sweatshirt and shorts. “I’ll go get us coffee—decaf for you, ma’am—and come right back.”
She turns and looks over her shoulder at me. Her smile is blindingly happy. “I’m getting married today,” she says, and I smile back, but my lips are trembling, some strange combination of happiness and misery I can’t quite explain to myself.
I go downstairs, where chairs and linens are going out, while flowers and food come in.
A small breakfast buffet has been set up in the dining room and I find Judy and Bridget there, stirring their coffee and chatting in a frantic sort of way.
Judy stops to hug me—she’s grabbed me every time I’ve passed since we arrived—and then they resume their conversation.
They’ve gotten their dream outcome—a perfect wedding day for Kelsey and Hawk—and now they’ve gone right back to worrying about small shit, the exact things they were stewing over a few days ago.
“I’m just worried it’s going to be muddy,” Bridget is saying. “I don’t mind people tracking mud through the house necessarily, but it’s going to look like a stable in here once enough guests have come in and out.”
“I really don’t think you can ask people to remove their shoes,” Judy says diplomatically, but with an unusual firmness to her voice. “Think about how many women have had their dresses hemmed at heel height. Everyone’s clothes will be dragging on the floor.”
I wander outside. The tables are being draped in linen, pale lavender with the finest lace overlay I’ve ever seen. The florist is placing centerpieces, while her assistants are fixing an incredible floral garland atop every door and window frame.
Trays of cut glass glimmer in the light, waiting to go on tables, and across the way, there stands a ten-foot-tall flower wall made of roses dyed lavender to match the linens.
This wedding is going to be perfect. It’s going to be the wedding my best friend deserves, and I’m not sure why that fact is making me cry.
The side gate opens, and Elijah enters, clearly back from a run—AirPods still in his ears, T-shirt stuck to his chest. He looks wary as he crosses the courtyard to me, but I still see sweetness and longing in his gaze.
He cares about me, but he just doesn’t care enough. I’ll have to accept it. But it’s going to take me a very long time.
“Is Kelsey up?” he asks. “She must be thrilled.”
“She was going to be thrilled today no matter what. She just wants to marry him and the rest is irrelevant to her.”
“I guess that’s how you’re supposed to feel,” he says, running a hand through his hair, avoiding my eyes.
I force a smile. “Better go get Kelsey her coffee.”
This is the last day I’ll see Elijah for years, probably. It’s ending on such a bittersweet note.
My bridesmaid’s dress is lavender silk, crossing over the bodice, wrapped around the waist, with a long slit up the front, accompanied by stunning four-inch lavender stilettos.
They’ll look good in photos, but I’m not sure I’ll be making it through the entire wedding reception and after-party in them—my feet already hurt.
Our hair and makeup is done, and it’s only when we’re assured that Hawk has been ushered inside that we go to the front porch to take photos with the bride, who is incandescent in an ivory satin gown that clings to her curves.
Shortly thereafter, it’s time. Everyone is seated out back, heads craning toward the house as the music begins. The wedding coordinator sends us all to line up just inside the French glass doors.
Aiden, the best man, steps up beside me. His gaze drops to the shoes. “Those are gonna be fun to walk across the grass in.”
“I was sort of hoping you could just subtly carry me to the altar,” I suggest, and he smiles, but it fades when he glances over my shoulder.
“I’ll come back for you in a second,” he says, walking away just as Elijah approaches, delicious in a black tux and crisp white shirt.
His gaze sweeps over me. “Holy shit,” he says, running his palm over his face. “I’m going to kill my sister.”
“That’s flattering.”
He reaches out, his hand grazing my hip for a half-second before it falls away, as if he’s just remembered we’re in public. “You look amazing. I just don’t want everyone staring at you.” His eyes darken on Aiden, standing a few feet behind me.
Does he not realize that every time he acts possessive and jealous, every time he tells me I’m beautiful, every time he crosses a patio toward me with all that fucking longing on his face, he’s making me hope for something that isn’t going to happen?
He’s old enough to know better, and I am too.
“Stop doing that,” I tell him, moving away. “It isn’t fair.”
The wedding planner announces it’s time and the processional begins. Elijah links his arm through Judy’s and starts down the aisle, followed by Aiden with Bridget.
“Swear to me I’m not wearing too much makeup,” Kelsey whispers.
“Too much is kind of subjective,” I begin, and she punches my shoulder. “You look beautiful, and it’s perfect.”
“It’s so weird that you two didn’t wind up together,” she says as Elijah walks back toward us.
“Yeah.” She doesn’t know the half of it. I throw my arms around her before crossing to where Aiden waits. “This is it. I love you.”
“Love you more,” she replies. Her eyes are bright with tears, but they’re the happy kind.
Birds are chirping as I start down an amethyst carpet leading to the altar. Aiden and I separate and I turn to watch Kelsey and Elijah walk down the aisle. Tears threaten. I grip my bouquet tight, wishing them away.
These are my oldest friends, the people I love most in the world. I have known Elijah since he was a skinny preteen who argued with his mom constantly about haircuts and teeth brushing.
I’ve known Kelsey since she was a seven-year-old with two missing front teeth. We’ve all grown up, and childhood is behind us. I’m not even sure how or when it happened.
We got more than we asked for in some ways—Kelsey could never have dreamed up Hawk, and I sure never thought I’d wind up getting a couple advanced degrees.
But we didn’t get everything we asked for, either.
Elijah places Kelsey’s hand in Hawk’s and moves to stand with the rest of the groomsmen, his gaze once again on me.
For so much of my life, I thought it was going to be us up here together, and there is a piece of me that still doesn’t understand why it can’t happen, why he can’t care enough about me to take us all the way.
I’m just romantic enough to believe that when two people love each other, they find a way to make it work.
But I guess that’s it, isn’t it? He’s attracted to me and maybe he loves me as a friend.
But whatever it is that he feels, it isn’t quite enough.
Kelsey and Hawk say their vows, and it seems as if the service has barely begun when they are being pronounced man and wife.
Kelsey turns toward the crowd, raising her flowers in the air like a trophy, before she turns to Hawk and he lifts her into his arms to kiss her.
Kelsey didn’t need any aspect of this big princess wedding, but I’m so glad she got it anyway.
We follow her around the corner to do photos. Just as the bridal party is dismissed, Kelsey pulls me aside. “I have a little surprise waiting at your table.”