3. Harper
CHAPTER THREE
HARPER
I hate this scar on my hand and that Felix has a matching one.
I hate that he entered high school and found new friends who are more important to him than me, who drink, do party drugs, and most definitely have sex.
I hate that Felix is the worst one out of his friends.
He’s their ringleader. There’s nothing about him I recognize and I don’t want anything to do with him.
Even if I did want us to remain friends, there’s no way Mom and Dad would let me anywhere near him. They freaked out when the school reported that not only had Felix been vaping weed on school grounds, but he was selling it to other students.
Felix wouldn’t tell anyone how he got the weed. He got suspended from school. The only reason he wasn’t expelled is because his father funded a new school library so the principal would turn a blind eye.
I hoped Felix would have seen his father’s donation as an opportunity to clean up his act, but he’s still making terrible decisions, like this party he’s throwing tonight that has grown out of control.
I never thought Felix would turn into some golden boy, but I didn’t expect him to take this path either.
I used to be a strange kid. In hindsight, I did and said a lot of embarrassing things I’m trying to forget. Just thinking about how weird I used to be makes me cringe. At least I’ve grown out of it. Felix is getting worse. He is completely out of control.
“Why does your dad let Felix throw parties like this?”
My question can barely be heard over the heavy metal music. I’m tempted to climb off Tyler’s bed and march right up to Felix in the living room, regardless that we don’t talk anymore, and tell him to turn the music down. But I’m afraid of the scene I’ll walk into.
I never thought I’d feel this way, but truthfully, I’m afraid of Felix.
Tyler pauses the movie we’re watching on his laptop and sits up beside me. “Felix isn’t allowed to throw parties like this. But Dad doesn’t pay attention to anything me and my brothers do.”
I blush at the deep pitch of his words. Tyler’s voice broke recently, and I still get caught off guard by how grown up he sounds at times.
“Dad is probably off with some woman, undressing her in one of his hotels.”
“Gross. I did not need the visual.” I laugh, cringing and covering my face with my hands.
Tyler is most definitely telling the truth about his dad. I see Josh Blackwood in the papers a lot, a Manhattan socialite and always with a new woman. Ladies flock to him because he’s a hotel tycoon.
My parents tell me sex should only happen between two married people.
It’s the path they followed and is how I want to live my life too.
They tell me sex should always be meaningful and with someone I love, that my body is sacred and I shouldn’t pass it around.
Clearly the Blackwoods don’t feel the same way, Tyler being the exception.
I know he would never act the way his father and Felix do.
“At least my dad doesn’t bring the women home. Hearing them through the walls would be worse.” Tyler jabs my ribs.
“I don’t want to think about how your dad sounds in bed either!”
Still laughing, I lay back, resting my head on Tyler’s lap. He strokes a hand through my hair. I’ve grown it long and he’s able to twirl the length around his finger a dozen times. It’s always so relaxing when he plays with my hair.
“You told me Felix wouldn’t be home tonight,” I say.
My parents are attending a Broadway show this evening.
Felix’s supposed absence is the only reason they dropped me off at the Blackwood penthouse instead of leaving me at home.
They won’t be pleased when they pick me up in an hour and see I’m surrounded by drugs and alcohol.
Maybe that’s why Felix is throwing this party, as a fuck you to my parents for keeping me away from him.
I sigh at the thought, knowing I’m flattering myself.
Felix doesn’t want to be near me as much as I don’t want to be near him.
He’s blocked my parents from his life too, which Mom has a lot of grief over.
Although Mom doesn’t like me being around Felix, she still wants to be a parental figure to him and insists she’ll never give up on him for his mother’s sake.
“Felix wasn’t supposed to be home,” Tyler says. “Until I told him you were visiting. ”
Heat spreads through me. Is it from frustration? Excitement? I can’t tell. “So, Felix is here to annoy me?”
“I don’t try to understand his logic. What’s the bet this nanny gets fired? Poor woman.”
The nanny will definitely be fired for not stopping Felix from throwing this party.
Like so many others before her, she tried to show a dominant hand over Felix and got nowhere.
She’s probably off in Killian and Dan’s bedroom, attempting to protect them from the chaos in the living room.
I’m sure she’s having a hard time controlling them too.
Killian is eleven. Dan is one year younger.
Without much of a father figure, they look up to Felix as their oldest brother, and he’s setting the worst example.
They too have started refusing to spend time with my family.
I hear they get in trouble a lot at school.
Tyler is the only Blackwood brother who is responsible and hasn’t been influenced by Felix.
As Tyler continues stroking my hair, I take his free hand in mine, tracing my fingertip back and forth along his scar. “Please don’t ever turn out like Felix.”
“Not going to happen.”
“It might.”
It’s my biggest fear, that I’ll lose Tyler too.
I see the way he interacts with Felix. They’re as close as they’ve ever been.
I won’t admit it aloud, but I’m jealous Tyler still has Felix in his life and nothing has changed between them.
Tyler is constantly trying to bring the three of us back together, but it’s no use.
“I won’t turn out like Felix because then I’d lose this,” Tyler says.
“Lose what?”
“You.” He tugs my hair. I’m still looking at his scar, but there’s a teasing sound to his voice which tells me he’s grinning. “I’ve already lost you five days a week to ballet school. I’m suffering from withdrawals, Princess.”
It sucks not seeing Tyler every day, but my parents and I have decided ballet is my future.
I got accepted into an elite ballet academy that trains five days a week.
My mornings are now spent with Mom homeschooling me.
In the afternoons, I’m at the academy. If I stay focused and train hard, I have a real shot at making it into an esteemed ballet company one day and being a principal dancer.
I look up at Tyler from where I lie in his lap. Sure enough, the smile I envisioned is there.
“Promise me you won’t turn out like Felix.”
“Harp, it’s you and me, always. Remember?”
He’s started saying that phrase recently— you and me, always . It feels like our saying, and I love hearing it. I hope the words will always remain true.
I smile back at him. “You’re perfect?—”
The music blasts, drowning out my words. I groan and climb off Tyler’s bed.
He grabs my hand, holding me back. “Harp, where are you going?”
“To talk some sense into Felix. His music is so loud I can’t hear.”
“Don’t. You’ll only make things worse between you two.”
“I don’t care. He can’t keep acting like this. Stay here. Or maybe find us some food to eat with the movie. I won’t be long.”
Tyler pulls me closer. “Let me talk to him. I only see you once a week and I don’t want him to upset you and ruin our night.”
He’s right, Felix will ruin my mood. We haven’t spoken in so long.
I can’t remember the last time I saw Felix.
I should do as Tyler says and stay put, but I can’t.
The desire is too strong to merely look at Felix.
I hate admitting it to myself, but I miss him.
Perhaps it’s wishful thinking but I need to see if the boy from my childhood still exists in some form.
“I’ll be fine. Seriously,” I tell Tyler.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He groans, reluctantly letting me go, and reaches for his laptop. “Entering damage control mode. I’ll turn the movie off and put on some ballet shit for us to watch when you return.”
Even when Tyler is frustrated, he still manages to make me smile. He really is perfect. He’s the best friend I could ever have.
The moment I exit Tyler’s bedroom, temptation leads me across the Blackwood penthouse to where the music is loudest. I’m not surprised to find chaos when I arrive in the living room.
All the furniture has been pushed to the outskirts.
Felix and his friends are sitting in a circle on the ground, playing spin the bottle.
I’m electrified being in his presence again, in both a positive and negative way.
Each time I cross paths with Felix, it’s a shock to see how his appearance has changed.
Tonight, he’s dressed all in black. He wears a hoodie pulled over his head, with blond hair poking through.
His shoulders are broader than I remember.
He’s taller too. So tall that it’s intimidating compared to my petite frame.
A girl spins the bottle and everyone cheers when it lands on Felix.
He takes a swig of his drink and grabs the girl’s hand with his left hand—his scarred hand that always fit perfectly around mine—and leads her away from the game.
Bitterness spreads through my chest. Felix doesn’t spare a glance in my direction as he passes me .
Before I can stop myself, I do the most idiotic thing and speak, my voice revealing how jealous I am. “Felix, stop. What are you doing?”
The girl looks down at me, turning up her nose.
We’re dressed nothing alike. I’m drawn to soft colors, living and breathing delicate and dreamy ballerina fashion.
My dress is baby blue, made of silk and chiffon.
She has a gothic vibe, covered in black from head to toe.
Even her hair is black and she’s wearing thick eyeliner.