27. Dan
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
DAN
My arms ache as I punch the boxing bag over and over again. Sweat drips off me. I’m out of breath. Everything burns. But I don’t stop.
“Man, what is up with you today?” Felix laughs.
Only now do I realize Felix’s friends have left and the two of us are alone in his apartment gym. “What do you mean?” I take a breather, removing my boxing gloves to wipe my face with a towel.
Felix leans one hand high on the gym’s squat rack, watching me curiously. “I’ve never seen you so… aggressive.”
“I’ve got shit on my mind.”
“Yeah, like what?”
“Nothing.”
He laughs again, the sound smug. “Since when have you ever had girl issues?”
“What are you talking about?” I glare at him and gulp down water.
“Dad pisses you off, but you never let him get you this riled up. You’ve lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in poker and never cared. So, it’s got to be a girl.”
Goddammit. “Fine. Yes, it’s a girl.”
“And?”
“And nothing.” I place the gloves back on and resume punching.
“Wow.” Felix laughs harder. “She must have really done a number on you.”
I growl, punching the bag once more before giving Felix enough information to shut him up. “There’s a girl who’s off limits to me. End of story.”
He shrugs. “So, what’s the issue? Unless she’s dating your brother, I don’t see why she’s so off limits.”
I glance at Felix, surprised that he’s mentioning Harper. For a while now, I’ve known he’s had a thing for Tyler’s girlfriend but she’s not a topic we ever discuss. Felix and Harper rarely speak to each other. When they do, it’s forced pleasantries at family events. I caught him looking at her a few years back, longer than a guy should ever look at his brother’s girlfriend and realized there was something unspoken happening. When I asked him about it, he didn’t say much, but made me promise to not tell anyone else.
“Bro, what’s going on?” Felix pushes. “You clearly need someone to vent to.”
I take a seat on a nearby bench and catch my breath. These last three days have been the most agonizing of my life. Not only am I going out of my mind unable to talk to Ally or hold her in my arms, but I still haven’t heard news on whether her period has arrived. If there’s one person I can trust with this secret, it’s Felix. He won’t like what I have to say, but given his situation with Harper, he’s the least likely to judge.
“I gave you my word I wouldn’t mention your Harper situation to anyone. Do I have your word you’ll do the same for me?”
“Of course.”
“Blond, blue eyes.” I start listing Ally’s features, hoping Felix will catch on, like it somehow lessens the severity of my situation if I don’t speak her name aloud. “Incredible piano player. Turns twenty-one in a month.”
I see the exact moment realization hits Felix. The smug look washes off his face and he turns still. “Oh, fuck, man. You and Ally?”
I don’t answer the question. His shock only reinforces the deep shit I’m in.
“Now I see your issue. I mean, look, that’s… really fucked up.”
“I know it’s fucked up.” I groan. “And to be clear, there is no me and Ally .”
“Nothing has happened between you two?” he asks.
I shoot Felix a glare, which answers the question for me.
Felix sits down to absorb the information, scratching his jaw irritably. “I knew you two were close. I thought it was just friendship because of how difficult her past has been.” He wipes a hand over his face in contemplation, then sets stern eyes upon me. “What Tyler said on your birthday is true, that we only remain a part of this family because of Ally and her mom. You might not see Ally as family, but we do, and I need to know you’re not just fucking around with her to piss off Dad.”
“This has nothing to do with Dad. I’ve kept my distance from Ally for years because I wanted to do right by this family. She went to Paris because she was trying to fight her feelings for me. I’m in love with her and always will be. But she won’t be with me because of what others will think.”
“Okay. I just needed to understand your situation. Not that I do understand. But I needed to know you were doing right by her.” Felix scrunches his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Wow, man, you’re playing with fire.”
I rake my hand through my hair, pulling at the ends. “You don’t know the half of it. I didn’t use a condom.”
“Shit.” His gaze whips to me. “What the fuck were you thinking? I thought I taught you to always wear?—”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
“Clearly. Is she pregnant?”
“I don’t know. She’s not worried. She says her period is due today, but I haven’t heard from her yet.”
Felix looks at a clock on his gym wall. “Six p.m. Fuck, man, you better hope you hear from her soon. I need a drink to deal with this. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Come on, we’re going to The Scarlet Mirage.”
Thursday night and Felix’s speakeasy is fairly quiet. A solo female vocalist sings a melancholy song on stage, matching my mood perfectly. Felix and I sit at the bar, both nursing a whisky, though I’ve barely touched mine. I can’t focus on anything other than getting confirmation that Ally isn’t pregnant, and decide it’s best to stay sober in case confirmation never arrives and I need to drive to Ally to support her.
“This whole thing with Ally is a lot to wrap my head around,” Felix says. “But maybe she’s been good for you. She got you to come out on your birthday.”
“I’ve been thinking about a lot over the last couple of days. What I’m about to say is pretty fucked up. That comment Killian made about Mom on my birthday— shit happens, but now Dad is happily in love with Amabella and we have Ally —I don’t want to admit it, but he’s right. If Mom was still here, I never would have met Ally. Maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe I’m finally okay with letting go of the issue around my birthday.”
Felix side-eyes me, laughing in disbelief. “I’ve spent twenty-two years trying to convince you of this, and yet Ally is the one who gets the message through to your head. Okay, she is good for you. But could you just imagine if Dad and Amabella found out? You’d have corrupted their innocent little girl and brought disgrace to the Blackwood name and Forever Families.”
“Oh, they would never forgive me.” I spin my crystal whiskey glass in mindless circles on the wooden bar top, then check my phone. No messages. The silence is driving me insane. If I don’t hear from Ally by the end of the night, I’m calling her, regardless that I agreed to not contact her. “I need to get off the topic of Ally. Tell me what’s with you and Harper. You two were friends as kids. I remember you and Tyler used to spend a lot of time at her home growing up.”
Felix sips his whiskey, chewing on ice. “The short version of the story—Harper and I used to sleep together before she started dating Tyler.”
My eyebrows rise at the news, though it’s not a total shock. I knew there’d have to be some explanation like this to warrant the tension between them all. “Does Tyler know you slept with her?”
“He certainly does.” His answer is bitter. Felix downs the remainder of his drink and orders another one.
“I’m going to need more of an explanation.”
“Growing up, Tyler was always Harper’s best friend. I was close with her too until high school when I started getting in trouble with the law. Harper was my opposite. She had strong morals, took pride in her education, had insane focus on ballet, and was proudly saving herself for marriage. She didn’t approve of my choices and distanced herself from me. We barely spoke again until my senior year.”
Felix’s new drink arrives. He thanks the bartender and gulps half of the glass down. A moment later, he laughs under his breath, shaking his head at what I can only assume is some sordid memory. “Let’s just say she changed her mind about a lot of things. About me and waiting for marriage. Whenever Harper and I were alone… The girl was… Well, I imagine it was like what you and Ally have. Had .”
His laughter has to be a coping mechanism. If Harper means to Felix what Ally means to me, and he lost her… I know how bad that hurts. After all these years, he’s still hung up on the same girl. It’s like looking at a reflection of myself and where I’ll be in several years, still in love with Ally but watching her with another man. I asked to hear this story as a distraction from my own shit. Now I feel worse.
“So, where did it all go south?” I ask, knowing from experience there’s nothing I can say or do that will offer Felix any relief.
“She wasn’t just mine. Tyler and I used to share Harper.”
I pause, not shocked that my brothers would share a girl but that Harper is the kind of girl who would be into that. “How did she end up with just Tyler?”
“I haven’t had enough drinks to retell that part of the story.”
“Do you still want her? ”
Felix gulps down the rest of his whiskey. “It doesn’t matter what I want. She made her choice and it was Tyler.”
My phone vibrates. I pull it out from my pocket, my heart racing when I finally see Ally’s name on the screen.
Ally
I got my period.
I should be relieved. I am relieved. But now, I have no reason to talk to Ally. Now, I have to find some way to get on with my life without Ally by my side.