Chapter 10 Felix
CHAPTER TEN
FELIX
I storm out of the party and into the darkness of the gardens, furious at myself for letting Ally get into my head about speaking with Harper.
Seeing Harper and Tyler dancing so fucking intimately, gazing at each other like they’re still so fucking in love, telling each other they’re soul mates… I can’t do this shit again.
“Felix, wait.”
I turn around, swearing when I see Harper standing in front of me, her blue eyes luminous in the dark. So much for Theo acting as a buffer this weekend. Where the fuck is he when I need him? Off flirting with a guest.
Every time I see Harper, no matter how mad I am with her, I feel the spark between us. I hear the voice in my head shouting at me to give in and take her back.
Without a word, I walk by her.
“Tyler and I are taking a break,” she calls after me. I don’t reply and keep walking. “We’ll always love each other but we were unhappy as a couple because we didn’t have you. We don’t work without you.”
My molars grind and my nails bite into my palms as I try to block out her voice.
“I know last night meant something to you. We’re so good together, Felix. Why can’t you let go of the past?”
My temper bursts and I spin around, unleashing years of pain as I storm back to her.
“You want to know why I can’t let go of the past?
Because you fucking ruined me, Harper! I grew up with abandonment and trust issues, but I took a leap of faith and decided to be vulnerable with you because you were the most precious thing in the world to me.
I gave you all of me. I changed my life for you.
I was ready to commit my entire future to you.
But you chose my brother. You broke my heart and I can’t return to that vulnerable place with you, not when you’re still mixed up with Tyler.
Don’t even get me started on him. What he did was worse.
Tyler meant just as much to me as you did.
I trusted him and he stabbed me in the back. ”
She takes a step closer, trying to reason with me.
“Felix, I was young and scared. My whole life had been turned upside down. I didn’t know where you’d gone.
I know it wasn’t your fault, but you weren’t there for me when I needed you.
I needed support and stability, so I did what I thought was right. ”
My chest heaves with each angered breath, but there’s no point fighting about something that won’t change. I smooth both hands through my hair and lower my voice. “That’s the problem, Harper. You thought I abandoned you. I gave you my word I would never hurt you again. But you didn’t trust in me.”
Her eyes plead with me for another chance. “This was years ago. People make mistakes. They change. Please, Felix.”
“Things won’t be different this time, Harper.
They’ll be worse. Have you realistically thought what it would mean to be with me?
You were always scared I would leave you or that something would take me away from you.
You kept me a secret because you were afraid of ruining your pristine image.
I run an illegal speakeasy. My life is mixed with crime.
None of that is changing. I can’t offer you stability. ”
“I’m not the girl you used to know. You wouldn’t be my secret.
We’d go public.” She grabs my scarred hand and places it over her heart.
“I want everything that comes with you, Felix Blackwood. The sin. The danger. Nothing will scare me away. I’ll embrace all of it.
We fell apart once and found our way back together.
We can do it again. I know we can. Please, tell me what I need to do. I’ll do anything.”
From the desperation in her eyes, I know she means every word.
Her heart thunders beneath my hand. My heart is beating just as fast. I tell myself to pull away, but I can’t seem to obey the command, not when the warmth of her skin is like a drug.
Instead, my free arm wraps around Harper’s waist, pulling her flush to my body. She trembles against me, welcoming my embrace. I shouldn’t touch her. I shouldn’t let myself reminisce on past memories of our love. But she’s too tempting and my resistance is weak.
My eyelids fall shut and my forehead lowers to hers as I exhale a shaky breath. Giving in, my lips press to hers, kissing Harper with years of longing and pain but most of all love.
I need Harper by my side for the rest of my life.
“I love you, Felix,” she whispers against my lips. “Tell me we can be together.”
Cradling her face, I search her glassy eyes and nod. “I can let go of the past. I promise you, I can love you with everything I am. But Tyler can’t be involved.”
Harper’s brief moment of relief crumbles.
“I can be with you,” I whisper. “What Tyler did has scarred me far worse. I can’t let him back into my life the way he once was. If you want to be with me, Harper, you’re mine and only mine.”
Her breath quickens. She blinks several times, her mind scattered. “I… need time to think. You both mean so much to me. Tyler and I are on a break but… We’re not over. I love him. I’ll always love him.”
“That’s my one condition. I can’t do this with him. The three of us can’t ever return to what we once were.”
“Felix… I don’t know. There has to be something Tyler can do to change your mind.”
I step back from Harper, placing painful but necessary distance between us. “It was so easy for you to choose him. Yet it’s so hard for you to choose me.”
“That’s not true,” her voice breaks. “None of this has ever been easy.”
“It is easy, Harper.” I brush my thumb across her cheek.
“If you’re serious about me, here’s your chance for us to be together.
If you choose Tyler again, my heart will be closed off to you forever.
” I lower my hand, my fingertips missing the touch of her soft skin.
“I need to return to the party. Find me when you have your answer.”