Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
DAPHNE
M y heart is a strange blend of heavy and light. I’m crushed by the news I got today, but it’s only a partial crushing. On the other side, there’s hope. So much hope. And love too.
Yet there’s something I can’t put off any longer. It may not be Lughnasadh yet, but I’m not willing to wait until then. To wonder. I have an engagement to end.
I settle onto the hard bench in the public passenger car. These aren’t the velvet-lined seats on most of the other trains I’ve been on, but those are for longer travel. This train only makes a few stops in the Earthen Court, the last of which is just outside the unseelie forest on the northern end of the court. In a matter of hours, I’ll reach Cypress Hollow. By the time I return in the morning, it won’t be my hometown anymore.
I bring a nail between my teeth, nibbling it. Even though I know what must be done, it doesn’t make it any easier. But I’m ready to move on. Monty has given me the motivation. He’s faced the part of himself that struggled to let his past go. Based on hints he gave me over the weekend, I think he’s planning on talking to his father this week. By the time we see each other next, we might both have good news.
“Get back here! Do you have a ticket?”
Startled gasps erupt from the front of the car as a porter rushes onboard as if chasing someone. But I don’t see?—
“Yes, I have a fucking ticket. You can see it once I find her.”
My heart stutters at the familiar voice, yet I don’t see Monty anywhere. All I see is the porter rushing down the aisle. Then a tiny creature with fawn fur, a short slender muzzle, and enormous ears scampers onto the back of one of the wooden benches. For the love of the All of All…that’s a fennec fox. That’s Monty. And he’s so cute I could die.
The porter turns this way and that, having lost sight of the creature he was chasing.
What the hell is Monty doing here? And in unseelie form! Am I dreaming?
Monty’s large vulpine eyes find mine, and he leaps from seat to seat, even onto one man’s shoulder in his attempt to scramble over to me. The porter finally spots him and chases him down the aisle. Monty reaches my bench, landing on four paws in the empty space beside me. He loses his footing, but as soon as the porter stops beside my seat, Monty’s humanoid form appears in a flash. His hair is mussed, his cravat crooked, and I realize he’s dressed in a full suit. With his body swiveled toward me, gaze still locked on mine, he reaches into his jacket pocket and flourishes a ticket at the porter.
The man takes it from him. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t evict you from this train for causing such a scene.”
Monty ignores him, facing me more fully.
My eyes volley between his. “Monty, what’s going on?”
He loosens his cravat and collar, then gathers my hands in his. “Daphne, please get off the train and marry me.”
My eyes nearly fall out of their sockets. “What are you…”
“Let’s go. Get off this train and we’ll elope right now. There’s no reason to risk it. No reason to return to your hometown pleading that Clyde will sympathize with your needs. We’ll give him no option. Be my wife.”
His words launch butterflies in my stomach, and I can’t help but be moved by them.
And yet…
I shake my head. “I don’t want to get married out of convenience. Matrimony means too much to me now that I know what it’s like to love and desire someone. Maybe I’ve grown selfish, but I want what Briony and Thorne have.”
“We can have that. I want to marry you, Daffy Dear, and now I can. Father freed me from my bargains. He’s going to pay off my debt and leave me alone for good. There’s nothing holding us back now. Don’t you understand? I’ll do anything for you. I’ll move heaven and earth to make you mine, and I’ll destroy anyone and anything who stands in our way.”
Happy tears spring to my eyes. I remember when he used that heaven and earth line to describe how fervently a man would pursue a woman he was interested in. The part about destroying people is a new twist, but the violent flair suits him.
The porter clears his throat, but when neither of us gives him our attention, he marches back down the aisle, muttering, “This is above my pay grade.”
“Let’s go, love,” he says, voice tinged with desperation. “Let’s elope, let’s?—”
I lean forward and silence him with a kiss.
“If we kiss, it’s real,” I say against his lips. “This is enough.” When he tries to interrupt, I say, “There’s no need to elope. There’s one last step I can take to get out of my handfasting. I don’t have to rely on convincing Clyde and Elder Rhisha that I have too many ties in Jasper. I don’t have to be at anyone’s mercy but my own.”
“What do you mean?”
My lungs tighten as I confess the rest. “If I relinquish my citizenship of Cypress Hollow, I’ll no longer be bound to its rules.”
His shoulders relax as understanding dawns.
“I refused to consider it before because it means letting go of the place I can always return to when I want to run away from society. It’s been my comfort knowing I have a place to escape to if my life in Jasper ever ends as badly as my debut season.”
His eyes turn down at the corners. “There’s nothing wrong with holding on to that kind of comfort.”
“I know, and I would love to keep that door open. But if it means subjecting myself to a life I don’t want, I have to say goodbye. I have to let go of that safety net, and I’m not waiting until the last minute anymore. I am committed to making my life in Jasper work, to going after my dreams to become an illustrator. Even if I get scared, even if I end up making mistakes. It’s the life I want.”
“That’s why you’re going back,” he says with a sigh. “You didn’t give up. Of course you didn’t give up. You simply got stronger.”
The conductor calls “All aboard,” signaling Monty’s chance to disembark if he isn’t planning on coming with me. I know he only got a ticket to try to get me off the train and into a chapel. What a reckless lover I have.
He shifts, facing forward and draping an arm over my shoulders to pull me close to his side. The train begins to roll forward. That’s when I notice several curious faces fixated on us. I narrow my eyes at every gaze I meet, silently conveying that the show is over and they can mind their own damn business.
“I guess I’m missing work today,” Monty says as the train picks up momentum.
“Monty!”
“Do you think I want to be there anyway with that Modesty Committee farce going on?”
I wince. “I can only imagine what that means for your column.”
“Whatever happens, I’ll face it. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to accept the Ask Glady s position long-term, even if my book does get published. Why should I? Who am I to teach women how to date? The person I love broke all the rules to win my heart.”
My stomach flips. I’m still not used to hearing him say he loves me. “Your book had some good points though.”
“Perhaps. I’ve been obsessed with other people’s relationships because I never thought I could have one of my own. I wanted to witness love from afar, to study it and see if honest love existed in the world, without ever risking my heart to experience it myself.”
“Until now,” I say.
“Until now,” he echoes.
“If you’re not Gladys, what do you think you’ll do next?”
His eyes go unfocused. “I don’t know, which is frankly terrifying. I want to find something for myself. When I got fired from Fletcher-Wilson, I discovered I’d only gotten the job because my father pulled some strings. And when I was hired at the Gazette , it was only because Mr. Fletcher personally recommended me for the Ask Gladys position. I’d like to earn something of my own. Find a vocation I truly enjoy.”
“Like boxing?” I ask, unable to hide the grimace on my face.
“What’s that look for?”
“Well, it’s just…if your father is going to pay your debt, you can return to fighting for fun, and…”
“And?”
“And I worry. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
“Oh, love of mine,” he says with a chuckle. “You have no idea, do you?”
I tilt my head. “No idea about what?”
“I only lose when I’m ordered to. When I’m at the club, I’m holding back. When I give it my all, I win.”
His confidence sends a violent thrill through me. “I think I glimpsed some of that in the alley the other day.”
“Yeah?” he whispers. “You mean when I was fucking you against the wall?”
I swallow a squeak and purse my lips to hide my smile. I tuck the ends of my hair behind my ears. “No,” I whisper back. “When you nearly split a fae male’s face open with his own cane.”
“I think I saw a similar side of you.”
I lift my chin. “Maybe I’ll go into amateur boxing too.”
“Don’t you dare. You’ll eat your opponents alive. Maybe literally.”
I elbow him in the ribs, and he gives me a sweet smile. Too soon his expression falls, flashing with horror. “Oh, God, Daph. I can’t believe I haven’t said this yet, but I’m so sorry about your book covers.”
I shrug. “At least now I’ll have more time to work on them. Not that I needed it. My skills have improved a lot, thanks to this sexy body.” I poke him in the side, and he catches my hand.
“What do you mean you’ll have more time?”
“Edwina’s new covers have been postponed until early next year, after everything is settled with whatever bill the Modesty Committee is trying to pass. Mr. Fletcher assured me it won’t affect us too much in the long run, and he has a solution even if their bill passes. We’re going to proceed with my sexy covers, but we’re going to print something called a dust jacket. It will not only protect my artwork from damage but will also hide the smut so only folks who want the good stuff can see it.”
He runs a hand over his face. “I’m so relieved. Ari said the covers were canceled.”
I roll my eyes. “Ari is depressed that she can’t model for hemorrhoid potion in her undergarments until this mess dies down. She can’t pay a lick of attention to anyone else right now, and it’s her loss. I was going to relay our weekend sexcapades in graphic detail.”
“Aww,” he says with a coy look. “I’m so honored my cock is so brag-worthy.”
A middle-aged man in a top hat whirls to eye us with a glare.
I blush and lower my voice. “If only we had a private compartment.”
“Who needs privacy?” he says, his lips by my ear, his hand running up my inner thigh. “My fingers are dexterous enough to move without drawing much attention. You can keep quiet, can’t you?”
I bite my lip and halt his wandering hand. “No, I can’t.”
He chuckles and ceases his seductive teasing. Then, belatedly, he adds, “To be clear, you turned down my proposal?”
“To fondle me in the public car of a train in the middle of the day? Yes.”
“No, the other proposal. The wedding one.”
My pulse quickens. I know he only proposed out of a misplaced sense of urgency, but it sends a warm thrill through me to hear the offer is still on the table. Even so, it’s not one I can accept. “For now,” I say, holding his eyes so he can see how earnest I’m being. “I want to take that step without any other influence at play.”
“So you might say yes someday.”
“I might,” I say with a wink.