Chapter 1
CHAPTER 1
I stood in the lobby and watched as Beth skidded up beside me.
“Are you okay?” Her eyes were as wide as saucers.
“I need to get out of here.”
“Just let me get our bags,” she turned to run towards the back room. “Meet me at the car!”
I pushed into the bright sunshine and ran down the steps of the church. I searched the parking lot for Beth’s Corolla.
A huge black truck pulled up in front of me. Stunned, I looked up to see the passenger door swing open.
“Get in,” Jackson ordered.
I looked over my shoulder. “Beth's going to drive me.”
“Emily,” he ground out. “Get in the fucking truck.”
I climbed into the truck. Organza fabric billowed in a cloud around me as I fought it to shut the door. The moment it closed, he was driving.
I sat there as quiet as a church mouse while he ground through the gears of his truck. Had I just ended my marriage to Matt in front of a church filled with our friends and colleagues by announcing that I was having Jackson’s baby? The whole train of events shocked me so much, that I couldn't wrap my head around it.
We pulled into a deserted park that was on the edge of a river bank. He killed the engine. We sat in silence, lost in our thoughts. Jackson was probably wondering what the fuck just happened. One minute he was giving me away to Matt and the next minute he was being told he was going to be a father. It had been a desperately unfair way to tell him. I should have told him privately. I should have told him as soon as I found out.
I looked over at him. He was still wearing his suit, but his tie was gone, and his white shirt opened at the collar. He gingerly touched his lip that was split from Matt’s punch. His green eyes were dark, and his expression was undecipherable. He glanced at me, and something flared in his eyes. I take that back. Jackson was holding back a whole lot of emotions right now. I sunk back in my seat.
“You have my baby in your belly, and you were going to marry Matt?” He enunciated each word slowly.
“I’m sorry."
He looked out the windshield. We sat there for a long time.
“How long have you known?” his voice sounded flinty.
I swallowed. “Since the day I was attacked.”
More silence.
He looked at me. “And how were you going to explain the baby to Matt? Or were you just going to pawn my kid off as his?”
I threw my hands in the air. “I didn’t get that far.”
He looked incredulous. “You didn’t get that far?”
My eyes filled with tears. But I had no response.
“Do you think that maybe this was something you should’ve shared with me?”
I looked at him with indignity. “You told me that you don’t want kids.”
“I don’t.”
“And you also told me that I should marry Matt. ”
“You’re pregnant with my kid. If I had known that fact, do you think I’d have encouraged you to marry another man?” he seethed.
“I tried to tell you.”
“When?”
I swallowed convulsively. “In the parkade.”
“You should’ve tried harder.”
I crossed my arms over my waist and looked out the window. That night that he had left me in the parkade, I had felt so utterly rejected. He had been adamant that he didn’t want a family or any kind of commitment, making it impossible even to conceive telling him the truth.
“Well, now you know.”
“Really Emily? That is what I get from you? Now I know?” his arctic tone could have sliced steel.
I stole a glance at him, immediately sorry I did. His neck looked corded, and his nostrils flared. But his eyes, they were cold green slits.
It was more instinct than anything, but I scrambled to climb out of the truck. First I had to paw through yards of filmy white fabric before I managed to find the door handle. And then I flung myself out of the vehicle.
It was stupid really. Who thinks they can outrun a Navy SEAL? Especially when they outweigh you by 110 pounds, and you’re encased in a wedding dress that is so tight you can't move your rib cage. Nonetheless, I tried.
I got about 15 feet and let out a terrified squeak when his arm wrapped around my waist, and he spun me around.
“Why do you always do that?” he yelled in my face.
“What?”
“Run. You are always fucking running away in the middle of important conversations.”
“What do you want me to tell you?” I yelled back at him.
“The truth.”
“You want the truth?” my voice sounded shrill. “You made it abundantly clear that we have no future. ”
“What else?”
I stood there unable to speak. It didn’t help that my bladder was getting precariously full.
“Come on, Emily. Here is your chance to finally be real.”
“I was scared to tell you.”
“You didn’t think I had the right to know?”
“I didn’t want to ruin your life or have you think I was trying to trap you.”
“Did you get pregnant on purpose?”
“It was my first time,” I sputtered with indignation. “I don’t know why we didn’t use birth control. I didn’t even know we were going to do that.”
He rocked back on his heels. “It wasn’t my first time.”
“Well, that was totally obvious.”
“Do you think when I knocked on your bedroom door I had an inkling of what I was going to do to you?”
I felt my mouth go dry. “I don’t know.”
“Maybe since I was the more experienced one, I should've thought of the birth control?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“I’m not mad that you’re pregnant, Emily, but I’m extremely irritated that you didn’t think you could tell me.”
“How was I supposed to know I could tell you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You told me you didn’t want a future with me and everything that was happening around me was going to shit. And you told me you didn’t want kids.”
“What’s your point?”
“I was freaking out. Why did I have to be the one to tell you something you didn’t want to hear? Why was I supposed to force you to talk to me? You couldn’t get away from me fast enough that night in the parkade.”
He went still while his eyes looked beyond me. “You’re right. ”
I stood there stunned. I wasn’t used to winning arguments. Much less being told that I was right.
“I am?”
“Yes, you are.”
“I know I should've told you. I was just scared.”
His eyes locked on mine. “What were you scared of?”
“That first night after I was attacked, I was scared if I told you, you would be so mad you would leave the loft, and I was too scared to stay there by myself.”
His jaw clenched.
“And then you went to Virginia, and I was in this weird fake engagement with Matt, and you were the only person in my life who knew the truth. I was afraid that if I told you, you would leave.”
He pulled at his collar. “I did leave you. I left you in that fucking mess that you had to deal with by yourself.”
He swore and walked away from me for a few moments. His hands were on his hips, and he looked upward.
When he turned back to me, his face was contrite. “I’ve been a complete dick, and I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you.”
My mouth dropped open. This man deserved an award for the number of times he had been there for me. He was my rock. You couldn’t ask someone to be there more.
“This wasn’t your mess in the first place. I didn’t expect you to be there for me.”
“It was the sex.”
I felt all the blood drain from my face. Didn’t men usually stick around because of the sex? And yet he was telling me he left because of the sex? Had I been that bad at it? I felt compelled to apologize. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
Now my face was burning hot. “Nothing.”
“What are you apologizing for?”
Was he going to make me say it? My silence was stubborn but had no impact on this trained SEAL who stood there with that look on his face that said he'd stand there all day and night until I told him exactly what I was apologizing for.
“You said you left because of the sex.”
Understanding dawned on his expression. “You think I left because the sex wasn’t good?”
I looked around the park. I was reaching the point of no return on the issue of needing to empty my bladder. And in this dress that was no joking matter.
“I need to leave,” I said.
He blinked. “Right now?”
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
He looked around like it was an option for someone in 20 pounds of lace and satin to squat behind a bush. “Okay.”