Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
I turned and looked at Jackson. He stood at the door. With a deceptively casual stance, he took in all of this intimate scene - the dinner, the wine, the three of us. His green glance skimmed over my face without expression, yet somehow he managed to make me feel like my only ally had just busted me dining with the enemy. I bristled with indignation. I invited him first to stay for dinner, and he was the one who lied and drove off like his hair was on fire. It wasn’t my fault Matt and Irene showed up for dinner unannounced. Without speaking to him, I turned around in my seat, giving him my back. His issue, not mine.
“Come in,” Irene invited him into my kitchen. “We just finished dinner.”
Matt stood up and started to clear the table. “Do you want some food? We have lots of leftovers.”
Jackson appeared by my side and put his hand on the back of my chair which was an unusually possessive move from him. I glanced up at his face, trying to read his expression.
“My plans got canceled,” he spoke down to only me .
“I’m glad,” my voice was faint. “Are you hungry?”
He held my gaze for a fraction of a second longer than necessary. “I’m good.”
“You want a beer?” Matt asked.
“Sure,” Jackson said. He pulled a chair around the table and sat next to me. There were four sides to the table, but it felt like a statement that he would sit on my side with me.
Irene and Matt didn’t skip a beat. They kept up their witty repertoire while Matt cleaned the kitchen, laughing and joking about various things with Jackson. When Matt and Irene wanted to be inclusive, they knew how to make someone feel welcome. Beside me, Jackson felt relaxed. He sipped his beer, participated in the conversation, and occasionally teased me. So why was I anxious? I felt so uptight I could barely speak.
The conversation turned to Jackson.
“So, you must be almost ready to head back to Virginia,” Irene spoke.
“Got my papers. I head back Friday.”
I could feel my entire body stiffen, I turned my gaze down to the table, trying desperately to hide my despair over that fact.
Matt crossed his arms. “So, what exactly does that mean? Do you get sent out to fight right away?”
“Nah, we'll probably spend at least two months in training before we get deployed.”
“How long are you deployed for?”
“We train or are deployed anywhere from eight to ten months.”
Irene shook her head. “I was the wife of a cop for 29 years, and I never got used to my husband going out every day to serve and protect. But to have your husband leave for weeks or months at a time? I can’t imagine.”
“Do you still live on the base?” Matt interjected.
“Always have, probably always will.”
“Oh that is unfortunate,” Irene said .
Matt changed the subject. “Hey, Emily, do you remember Donny? He's one of the senior partners at my firm.”
I nodded.
“He just bought a house in the Hamptons. You should see this place. It has the most stunning view of the water. His kids are learning to surf, and now he’s even talking about getting a boat. He invited me down for a weekend this summer.”
Irene’s eyes shone. “Oh, I love the Hamptons.”
This conversation was wrong on so many levels. I had no idea how the four of us could chat about homes in the Hamptons when there was a huge elephant in the room. It was bizarre on so many levels, but pretending was what Matt and Irene were best at. No one wanted to acknowledge that I was pregnant with Jackson’s baby or the fact that only a few days ago I had left Matt at the altar.
“What kind of housing do they provide on the base?” I turned and looked up at Jackson.
Green eyes held my gaze. “For the unmarried, there are apartments. Some are shared, and some are single occupancy.”
“What about people who have families?”
“Married servicemen or women can rent houses.”
“With backyards?”
His smile was faint. “They all have backyards.”
“I had a backyard when I was a kid.”
Irene interjected. “So, I hear that the military base is like its own tiny little town.”
“It’s self-contained. There’s a larger civilian city outside of the base, but most of the staff live on the base itself.”
“Well, that would be quite a shift from New York. It must be very quaint,” Irene added, making it sound like a dirty word.
Matt frowned. “Can you buy your house on the base?”
“All housing is owned by the military. We just rent.”
“Wow, those military wives deserve a medal.”
“Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman,” Jackson said with quiet resolution .
Matt smirked in amusement. “Is that some kind of slogan?”
Jackson didn’t smile. “Nope. Just a well-known fact among us.”
My heart beat so hard I was scared everyone could hear it. I felt panicky. I hadn’t even thought about what married life to Jackson would be like. Irene had efficiently painted the picture of him being gone for months, working some insanely dangerous job while I would be stuck in some tiny military town in a rental house. Add in a new baby, dozens of women that probably wanted to have sex with him and a husband that didn’t want to be tied down and I was officially over my head.
Irene watched my face. She knew. She knew what I was thinking.
She stood up. “Well, I need to get back to my hotel. Jackson, would you be a doll and drive me?”
My lips parted.
Matt interrupted my train of thought. “Emily, would you mind if I stayed back and talked to you for a bit?”
Now it was my turn to avoid Jackson’s gaze.
“No, of course not.”
Irene kissed both of my cheeks. She was chatting a mile a minute to Jackson as they walked out.
Matt held out his hand and led me to the couch. He leaned his arm over the back and smiled at me. “Emily.”
“Matt,” I started.
He held up his hand. “Please. I need to get something off my chest.”
“Okay.”
“I know I did everything wrong the last time and I screwed this whole thing up between us. And I only have myself to blame.”
“Matt.”
“No, I take the blame for all of this. I should have recognized and addressed my health issues. None of this would have happened if I had been a better partner to you.”
We stared at each other. No words came out of my mouth.
“I don’t want you to marry Jackson. I don’t want you to end up on some military base alone while he is in some shit hole in Syria in a gunfight. I don’t want that life for you. You deserve more than that, Emily. You deserve to live in the most vibrant city in the world with a vacation home in the Hamptons. You deserve beautiful dinner parties and elegant galas. Your granny lived in that world, and that is your birthright to live in it too.”
I sat still. My granny had hated the pomp and stuff of that world. She had ripped continuously on about how annoying rich people were. As an heiress to a considerable sum, I could step into that world at any given moment. What Matt didn’t realize is that I had never held any interest to be part of that crowd. Those were his aspirations. Not mine.
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Just think about that, okay?”
“Okay.”
Matt left. I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Tonight had been an unexpected ambush. Especially all the unnecessary digs about military life. Didn’t Irene realize the sacrifice that these families were making for their country? Men like Jackson went into the worst places in the world and did battle so people like Donny could enjoy his sailboat and house in the Hamptons. In my opinion, it wasn’t warranted to be so condescending.
And what about Jackson? Why had he shown up unannounced? Had he wanted to talk to me? Maybe he had wanted to tell me that this whole idea of marriage was a stupid idea. That after reflecting on it, he realized that I wasn’t strong enough to be a military wife.
I was so confused about everything I didn’t even know what to think anymore. Why was this so difficult? Would it be too selfish just to take Jackson’s offer and bask in his presence for as long as he could stand it? Maybe he would fall in love with the baby? Perhaps, at the very least, even if our marriage didn’t last, it would cement a bond between him and his child. I rolled over on my side. I had no idea what to do anymore. Why was everything so complicated?