Chapter 45
CHAPTER 45
Jackson sat on the edge of the hospital bed. Despite the last traumatic few weeks, he was ready to be released. His arm was in a sling. I stood at the door and looked at him.
“You just going to stand there?” he turned to look at me.
I slowly walked into the room. We hadn’t discussed everything that had happened. How he had ended it with me. How he had told me that our marriage was over. Did he still want me? Did he still want Alien?
Green eyes studied me.
I took a steadying breath. “Hi.”
“Hey.”
I walked across the room so that I stood in front of my husband. He looked at me. “When you were missing, my life completely stopped. My heart stopped beating. I knew that if they didn’t find you, if you didn’t make it out alive, my life would be over.”
He didn’t move.
My voice wobbled. “I’m so sorry I broke your trust. I was stupid and impatient, and I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to know who you were. But looking back on that, it was wrong. So wrong and I’m so sorry.”
“Emily,” his expression was one of regret. Oh god. He was going to end it. He couldn’t forgive me. If he did end our marriage, I would not survive. I couldn’t take it.
“Yeah?”
“I overreacted.”
A sharp breath filled my lungs.
“I thought if you knew where I had come from, you would see what Irene saw.”
My heart pounded. “She’s a real bitch, and she had no idea what she's talking about. Especially when it comes to you.”
A laugh choked out of him. “Oh, she’s alright. She tries.”
“Why are you so forgiving towards her?”
“She’s family.”
My voice was slow, “And Matt is your half-brother.”
“Yup.”
“I’m so sorry about Ted and Harry.”
He looked bemused. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because no one deserved to go through what you went through.”
He winced. “No, you didn’t deserve what I put you through.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I brought you here. Pregnant and not knowing a soul. Half the time I was gone. And the rest of the time, when I was home, I was a mess. I wanted you to believe that I was just fulfilling my obligation because I knocked you up. The truth of the matter is, I have been crazy about you since the day you almost beaned me with that golf club.”
Air sucked into my lungs.
He continued. “You once asked me what scared me. It’s not guns or fighting or even dying. It’s you. You and your love scare the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to do this. And I’m so bad at it. I want your love so bad. I want you in my life more than I have ever wanted anything. ”
Green eyes looked up at me.
“But I do love you,” I whispered. “So much.”
He grimaced. “I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t trust that. You were so brave, and you tried so hard when you came here. You were patient with me, and you just accepted me for who I was.”
I could feel the blood rushing to my head.
“Emily, when I was in the jungle with Guinness, and we weren’t sure if we were going to make it, my biggest regret was not telling you how I felt about you.”
I thought my heart was going to stop. “How do you feel?”
He swallowed a few times. “All I know is that I would die for you. I would kill for you. I would do everything in my power to protect you. Your happiness, your safety, your joy is all I care about. I don’t understand all of this, but you have somehow become the one thing I live for. You and Alien. I never used to feel anything, and now, all I do is fucking feel things. I lose control. I get upset. Anything to do with you, I can’t seem to control my emotions.”
My heart pounded with so much hope and love that I could barely breathe.
He gave me a regretful look. “So now you know it all. I’m not who you thought I was. And I’m probably way more fucked up than you imagined.”
“Jackson,” I could barely speak. “You’re not fucked up, and I love you with all my heart.”
His arm reached out and yanked me against him. “Say it again.”
“I love you.” I put my arms around his neck.
His green eyes looked back into mine. I could see in his eyes, all his emotion. “Do you know how I feel about you?”
I nodded, fighting tears. I didn’t need to hear those words. I could see the love, right there in his eyes. “I do.”
His kiss was so wonderful, so full of promise and tenderness, and I thought my heart would explode. No more doubt or fear. I groaned as I wrapped my arms around his big neck. I loved his hair in my hands. The sensations of his hands on my back .
He pulled his head back, “So, you’re not going to leave?”
“You’re stuck with us.”
“Maybe I like being stuck with you.”
“So you’ve said,” I smiled through my tears.
He brushed my hair off my face. “Are you okay?”
“I am. Now that you’re home.”
He looked down at me. “After everything I told you, you still want to be with me?”
I lifted my hand and stroked his big face. “Yes.”
“Jesus Emily,” he murmured against my lips. “Maybe there is something to be said for talking about our feelings.”
My head fell back as I laughed. “You know I’m never going to let you live those words down. Those words will haunt you for the rest of your life.”
He dropped a kiss on my lips. “I like the sounds of you and the rest of my life.”