Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
When we arrived home, Jackson and I sat at the island and ate a late lunch in silence. I pushed food over my plate. My appetite was all but gone.
I mentally lamented about how I could find out my fiancé was cheating on me and it had no emotional impact on me. But the moment I found out about how Jackson worked in a dangerous environment, I felt sick to my stomach. What if he got hurt or killed? Everyone I loved had died on me. Knowing that he continually put himself in life and death situations made me angry. I would never survive another loss. The world was a better place because Jackson was in it. It devastated me to think that he was in mortal danger because of a stupid job. It made me angry, and now I couldn’t eat.
“Your car should be done tomorrow,” Jackson interrupted my thoughts.
“Oh thanks,” I sounded listless.
He eyeballed me and then his gaze dropped to my still full plate. “Everything okay?”
“Sure. ”
He leaned back. “Want to tell me what’s bugging you?”
“Nothing.”
He studied me for a long moment. I dropped my eyes, unable to withstand his scrutiny. I slid off my stool and started to clear my plate. He sat there watching me from beneath the brim of his baseball hat. How could I tell him that his job scared me half to death? If he knew that I was this upset about his job, he might realize that my feelings were a bit more than sisterly. I worked to hide my emotions.
“I’m fine.”
“Emily.”
“Matt cheated on me,” I blurted out.
His expression didn’t shift. He just continued to observe me.
“He told me that he fooled around with someone after the party, but he wouldn’t tell me with whom.”
“He told you that he slept with someone?”
I rubbed one eye. “He said that they didn’t have sex, they just fooled around.”
There was a tick in his jaw. “What does that mean?”
“I guess they kissed. And…”
“And what?”
“And she…” My face heated up. “She did things with her mouth.”
He crossed his arms. “He told you this.”
I nodded feeling oddly embarrassed. “Yeah.”
Silence from him.
I started to load the dishwasher. “People make mistakes, right? I mean, I'm no angel either.”
Green eyes stared at me.
I shrugged. “I think I'm just confused about some stuff.”
Like the fact that people pointed guns at Jackson and tried to kill him. That his job was so dangerous, he didn’t want to get married or have kids. Did that mean he thought he was going to die? How did he sleep at night? How was I ever going to sleep again at night?
I glanced up at him. His nostrils flared, but he didn’t seem to be reacting at all. I shut the dishwasher and started to wipe down the counters. “Anyways.”
I finished the counters and turned to walk out of the kitchen, and I almost did a face plant on his hard chest. How he had managed to move so silently around to this side of the island, I had no idea.
“Oh sorry,” I said.
I tilted my head back to see if he even saw me, and his gaze, shadowed beneath the brim of his hat, was on my face. I took a step back, and he followed, stepping so close to me, he almost touched me. I took another step back, and he kept on coming. I gasped when I bumped into the island, and he stepped in so close. I thought I might faint as the heat of his body radiated around me. I trembled.
He reached out and then I squeaked as he lifted me. My ass hit the countertop, my eyes now almost level to his face. He placed a hand on either side of me on the counter, his huge arms caging me in, while he leaned forward towards me, bringing his face close to mine. Still, we didn’t touch.
My eyes were wide and trapped by the intensity of his stare. I was completely still, except for my rib cage, which was working overtime to bring air into my lungs.
Slowly he leaned in close, bringing his mouth so close to mine, it was less than an inch away. His gaze pinned mine.
When time slows down, it feels like your brain is in overdrive. Thousands of thoughts flooded through my mind. This was wrong. I needed to stop. Jackson was almost kissing me. He smelled so good. He was so big. He surrounded me. I felt safe. He protected me. Nothing could hurt me. I wanted to feel him.
With tremulous lips, I slowly, tentatively moved my mouth closer to his. I could feel his breath against my lips. Just one taste. I just needed to know if the other kiss had been a complete fluke. He stood so close. I leaned up a tiny bit further. Our lips barely grazed. Our eyes met. I wanted more. I wanted to touch him. I put my hand around his neck, and my fingers slid over the thick, strong muscles covered by such smooth, warm skin. I used his solid neck as leverage as I pulled my face just a tiny bit closer. He looked into my eyes. His lips felt so soft and pliable against mine. My eyes fluttered shut against his gaze, and I moved my lips to his lips, this time a real kiss.
The moment he started kissing me back, everything went into overdrive. Two hands lightly pressure the inside of my knees, so that I widened my legs. The moment I did, he stepped in closer. His mouth tortured me, teased me, played with me. One arm came around my back, tugging me, so I was arched up against him. I gasped, my mouth opening to his, his tongue plundered me, sending my entire body into an electrifying Technicolor. His mouth over mine awakened something inside of me that I didn’t recognize or understand. I felt intoxicated, dizzy, as his kiss escalated. He was all primal hot male, taking from me what he wanted. And I loved it. I moaned and clung to his neck, my fingers sliding into his thick hair. His other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled my body hard against him. I groaned as I felt the heat of his stomach through the fabric of my jeans, while he slanted his mouth over mine.
And then he lifted his head, taking his perfect lips with him. I opened my eyes, stared up into his face, my breath coming out of me in tiny little pants. I couldn’t read his expression. And then he stepped back from me. I clutched the sides of the counter, unable to tear my gaze from his face. He pulled his hat down over his eyes and turned and walked out of the kitchen. I sat there frozen, as he took long strides across the room and then my body jarred as I heard the heavy sliding door open and then slam shut. Feet pounded down the steps. I heard his truck start and then drive away.
I paced the length of the kitchen, completely blown away by that exchange. I remembered the feeling of his mouth on mine, the way his firm arm yanked me hard against his torso, the way he tasted and the searing heat of everything that made him Jackson. I groaned and put my face in my hands.
Those two kisses were the most significant two moments of my sex life. Those kisses made me want many more terrible things that I should not want.