Chapter 19
nineteen
The breakfast table was deathly silent. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife, quiet anger simmering just below the surface.
Mom—usually one to feel any silence with mindless chatter—was jumping up every five seconds to get something from the fridge like she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as us.
Dad was gripping his knife and fork so tight that I thought he would actually bend the metal or cut straight through his plate.
Matthew wasn’t even eating; he was just pushing his food around his plate, face twisted up in anger.
I wasn’t sure where Charlie was, but my best guess was that he’d left early in the morning to avoid another confrontation with Matthew.
It didn’t escape my notice that everyone was avoiding looking at the right side of my face, where a bruise was now dominating.
I wasn’t sure whether Matthew had told my parents exactly what happened.
After ten minutes of sitting there in silence, I couldn’t take it anymore. If I stayed there for one more second, I would go insane. I jumped to my feet.
“I’m going to Violet’s house,” I said. My dad looked up in surprise, then immediately looked down again after seeing my bruise.
“Have a good time,” he said quietly. I faltered for a second, a little surprised by the non-reaction, but I didn’t stick around for long.
Outside, I grabbed my bike. I got halfway to Violet’s place before I realized she still didn’t know anything about Charlie—about the summer fling that turned into a relationship, or the fight last night.
I couldn’t just show up with a black eye without any sort of explanation.
So, I veered off course and continued in a different direction.
I wasn’t even sure where I was going until I ended up at the lake.
It felt wrong to go to Charlie’s spot without him, but that didn’t stop me.
I needed some time to think, and this was the only place where I believed I could do it.
It looked different here in the daytime.
The waves were bigger, crashing loudly onto the shore.
The sun bounced off the water and shone into my eyes, making it a little difficult to see.
But, regardless of both those facts, I didn’t find it any less beautiful.
“I wondered whether I would find you here.”
I looked over my shoulder and saw Charlie walking towards me slowly, hands in his pockets and a casual look on his face like he was just going on a walk. The bruises and cuts on his face were worse than Matthew’s, and I could barely stop myself from flinching when I looked at them.
I stood up from my spot on the swing and closed the gap between us.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Looking for you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my girlfriend,” he said. “And I was worried about you.”
I tried to swallow the lump that had appeared in my throat when I heard the word girlfriend. Somehow, I’d completely forgotten about that part of last night. It had all become such a blur.
“Funny,” I said. “I was going to say the same thing about you. You took way more of a beating than me last night.”
Charlie shrugged. “Eh, Matt doesn’t really hit that hard.”
I tried to force a laugh, but I was sure he could tell it was fake. Not that he should have been surprised—this wasn’t exactly a laughing matter.
“Seriously, Mads,” Charlie said. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath, trying to keep the feeling that I was going to cry at bay. I knew what had to happen now… but I didn’t want to do it.
“Matthew hates me,” I said. “And you. I’ve ruined everything.”
“You didn’t ruin—”
“Don’t lie to me, Charlie. We both know I’m right.
” The more I thought about it, the more I knew I’d been in the wrong for going after him at all.
Had I really expected him to commit to me?
To love me forever? Was I really stupid enough to believe that Matthew would have accepted it?
I should have known it was going to end this way at some point.
“I spent two years carrying around this stupid note, convinced that if I waited long enough, I could convince you to love me.”
I ripped my phone case off, letting the paper fall to the ground. I was tempted to stomp on it, to destroy it until it looked the same way I felt, but I didn’t get the chance before Charlie crouched down to pick it up.
“Charlie Owen and Madison McKinnon,” he read aloud. “Homecoming party…” His voice turned to a whisper as he said, “Best kiss of his life.”
“I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been,” I said.
I was talking to myself more than him. “I really thought that two years would make enough of a difference to Matthew, that he wouldn’t care now.
And I risked it all—for what? Because I thought that if I kissed you again, you would realize it was me?
That my kiss would be so good that you would give up your best friend for me? ”
“Maybe it was.”
“Oh, you mean like how when Matt almost caught us kissing, and you went off with him without even saying goodbye to me? Yeah, that was great.”
Charlie frowned. “What do you mean? I thought we were trying to hide it from Matthew.”
“And that’s my point. We had to hide. We’ll always have to hide.”
“We won’t have to anymore.”
“Oh yeah? You think you had one fight with him and it’s all over now? That he’ll just be okay with it from here on out?”
Charlie sighed and looked down. His face hardened, as if he knew what was coming and he didn’t like it at all. I wished I could tell him that I didn’t like it either—but it was the way this had to be.
“We have to leave it here, Charlie,” I whispered in a broken voice. “I want you to remember me at my best. I want you to remember me as the girl that you were willing to get in a fight over—with your best friend, no less. The girl that you almost won... but not quite.”
I took in a couple of deep, gasping breaths and turned away. I always believed in getting away from a break-up as quickly as possible. Usually, it was because I didn’t want to have to listen to boys try to win me back—but this time, it was because I didn’t want the boy I loved to see me cry.
“Screw that!”
I froze at his words, even though I knew the right thing to do was ignore them. But who could blame me for wanting to know what he would say?
Charlie grabbed my wrist and spun me back around. I came face to face with him, our bodies almost pressed together. His eyes were burning with undeniable emotion, though I couldn’t tell exactly what it was. Anger? Passion? Love?
“I don’t want you to be the girl who got away.
And I’m sorry that no boy before me ever had the courage to tell you what you deserve to hear, but here it is: you are not just some girl, Madison.
You are not just a fling. You are not somebody I can live without.
I love you, Madison. And I don’t care if Matthew hates me every day of his life for loving you because any true friend wouldn’t want me to give this up.
If you say no now, I am not going to give up.
I am not going to let go of you. You deserve the world, and damn it, I swear I will be the one to give it to you! Whether you like it or not.”
I never realized until that moment that all I ever wanted was for a boy to say that to me.
You are worth it.
“I thought you didn’t come crawling back to anybody,” I said.
“You’re not just anybody.”
This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea how we were going to convince Matthew to be okay with this or what we would do if he never did forgive us. But even if my whole life burned around me… I was happy that I was doing it with him.
“Kiss me, Charlie.”
He didn’t need to be told twice.