Chapter 7 - August
I can't see her like this. Her lights dimmed down because of me. I fucked up. I shouldn't have kissed her because now all I want is for her to be mine. And that kind of greed can only lead to heartbreak. Mine mostly. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship but I'm already thinking of all the ways we could have one. What it'd be like to be with her. I can already picture her in my bed, the light from my bedroom window highlighting her curves as she sleeps, waking up with that excited smile she gets, and me, just as thrilled, making her breakfast.
"It's not you," I say but I immediately regret it because the moment it leaves my mouth, it's crystal clear it's not the right thing to say from the way her shoulders tense.
"Right. Like I haven't heard that before. It's fine. I should go." She glances at her watch. "My dad should be arriving any time now to pick me up."
"I told you I'd drive you home."
"No reason for you to." She's cold now, none of her playfulness that I've come to love are gone. But she asked her dad to come to pick her up before this. She was expecting to not even get a ride from me. Did I ever make her feel she was a burden? Or is she so used to rejection she doesn't have faith in anyone? She appears to be so bright and shiny but she's showing me that despite the way she presents herself, she also carries her wounds with her. Why is she used to being rejected like that? She is breathtaking, she is smart, who the hell wouldn't notice it? I'd kill for a chance with her.
One I just blew. One that was within my reach.
It's just... I don't know if I'll ever get over her if I let myself fall. And a woman like her? She’s not going to put up with my shit. Right now, she finds it funny how abrupt I am, but two years from now, that’ll wear off. It’ll turn into something she resents me for. I’ve tried to be better, but I’m not a sunshine-and-roses kind of person. When a car comes in, I’m thinking about all the ways I need to fix it and every possible way I could mess it up worse. If a customer’s late, my first thought is that something terrible must’ve happened. I always go straight to the worst-case scenario. And sure, it doesn’t always happen, but living with that kind of outlook weighs on you. It makes you see the world as a darker, harsher place, and I know she doesn’t deserve that.
I hear a knock and Clarissa opens the door. "Emma, your dad is here."
"Right on time." She says, not a single drop of emotion in her tone. And it breaks me. Because she doesn't even look back as she steps away from my office, leaving me lost.
I leave the office too, hoping to see her with her dad will erase any kind of longing I feel for this woman. Hoping it will make me remember how awfully wrong it is for me to desire her.
Jeffrey has his arms crossed and when he sees his daughter, his eyes light up. I wait one second, two but none of my desire gets erased, I still want her. I'm still wondering how long I can feel her lips in my mouth.
"Hey!" Jeffrey waves at me. "Emma told me you came to pick her up and towed her car yesterday. Thank you."
I shrug my shoulders feeling guilty about all these thoughts.
"Do you want to have lunch with us? Delilah is making her best tacos. You don't want to miss it."
"Dad..." Emma pleads and I know she doesn't want to be near me.
"Come on, August. You always make yourself difficult to reach. I’ve already told Delilah to make extra with you in mind. Don't let those tacos go to waste."
He knows me and he knows that I wouldn't turn him down if Delilah is expecting me. So I take my car and follow them. When I stop in a traffic light, that's when it occurs to me: this feels like a wake-up call. I'm never going to have another chance like this. After our kiss, I'm sure Emma will never come by the garage, not after the way I handled things. And I'll probably never see her again.
Just the thought alone is enough to make my chest hurt, as if it has been crushed by a car in a junkyard.
So screw it. Screw all the logic. Screw everything. If I can have her, even if it’s only until she's done with me, I'm okay with that. Because that woman owns me. I'm hers and I'm not going to waste a single second more trying to stay away from her now that the universe is allowing me to spend some time with her. Now I just have to figure out how the hell am I going to make her look at me again.