Chapter 11
eleven
. . .
Cutler
“We have a deal, don’t we? Always brutal honesty. I’m never too busy for you, and you know that.”
“Well, you weren’t completely upfront about what was happening in Paris with that dickhead Gabriel, so I guess we were both protecting one another in a sense.
” I glanced out at the water. I hated talking about Tara.
Hated thinking about her if I was being honest. But this last time had bothered me more than usual.
“Fine. Moving forward, let’s not do that.” She popped a grape in her mouth. “What did she say?”
“She asked for money.”
Gracie seemed surprised by my words, and she looked up at me. “She asked you for money?”
She’d always just called and said she missed me or wanted to talk to me. She’d never hit me up for cash before, but I guess I’d never been in a position to give it to her before.
“What did you say?”
“I sent her the money,” I said without hesitation.
She sighed. “How much did she ask for?”
“Two thousand bucks. She said she couldn’t make rent and wondered if I’d help her.” I cleared my throat. “It’s pathetic, really.”
“Her coming to her son who she left as a young boy? Yes. It is pathetic,” she said, her voice harsher than usual. But it didn’t surprise me. We’d always been protective of one another.
It was that ride-or-die type of friendship I’d witnessed my father having when I was young.
I had it with this girl.
“That’s actually not what I meant, although you aren’t wrong.” I chuckled. “I meant that it’s pathetic that I wanted to give it to her, because some twisted part of me still wants her to like me, I guess.”
My chest squeezed as the words left my mouth.
I wouldn’t say this to anyone but Gracie Reynolds.
It was embarrassing as shit to admit that I still wanted to be accepted by a woman who’d turned her back on me. Turned her back on my pops.
I wasn’t looking for a mother, because I had the best one around. Emerson had adopted me, and I loved her fiercely.
But I guess the little boy in me still wanted the mother who’d given birth to me to see me and to realize she’d blown it.
To see some sort of regret in her eyes, or hear it in her voice.
It was fucked up, but it was my reality.
Gracie moved her sandwich to the side and scooted closer to me.
She placed a hand on each side of my face, and her eyes were wet with emotion.
“You’re the most lovable person I know, Cutler Heart.
And there’s no shame in wanting to be loved by the person who is supposed to love you the most. I get it, you know I do.
My biological mother doesn’t want to acknowledge me, and I’ve made peace with that.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting sometimes. ”
I tugged her closer, settling her on my lap, because sometimes feeling so much and looking at Gracie overwhelmed me. I wrapped my arms around her, tucking her head in the crook of my neck.
“They both suck, don’t they?” I said, and she chuckled.
“I guess we really do share a bond.” She smiled up at me. “We got really lucky with our moms the second time around, though, didn’t we?”
“We did. That’s why I think I spiraled when my mom got sick all those years ago.
That fear of abandonment was instilled in me at a young age, no matter how many times my pops talked to me about it.
And then my mom came into my life, and she was everything a mother should be—and the thought of losing her?
It was more than I could handle back then. Hell, I couldn’t handle it now.”
“She’s been cancer-free for many years, so she’s not going anywhere,” Gracie said, her fingers stroking the inside of my palm in the most soothing way.
“Yeah. And neither are you, Gracie Reynolds.”
“Nope. You’re stuck with me forever.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” I said.
“Can I tell you something?” she asked, her voice quieter now.
“Anything. You know that.”
“Sometimes I feel things when I’m near you.” She quickly sat forward and turned to face me. “Not in a weird way.”
I raised a brow. “Okay. In what kind of way?”
“Well, you know I’m in this curious stage, right? Like I want to feel something. Explore things a little bit, but I don’t know how to do casual. And I can’t force myself to have a fling with someone I’m not attracted to.”
“Agreed. You shouldn’t be with someone you don’t want to be with.”
“Right. And I think the problem is that I don’t want to be with anyone right now. I need to be single and focus on this new job in New York when I leave in a few months. But I also want to experience things, you know?”
I nodded. “I understand that.”
“And obviously you and I are best friends. And that will never change,” she said, clearing her throat and looking out at the water to avoid looking at me.
“And I know I brought this up as a joke the other day, but after thinking about it, it’s not really that outrageous of an idea.
I mean, there’s no doubt you’re abnormally good-looking, and I feel safe with you. ”
“You should always feel safe with me, because I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Where was this going? Because if she went there again, and she wasn’t joking, I didn’t know that I’d have the strength to fight it.
I wanted her.
I fucking wanted her so bad I couldn’t see straight.
It wasn’t right and I knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that I was struggling with these feelings.
She turned to look at me. “I know that. And that’s why I wondered if maybe you could show me a few things, you know, not just tell me, but show me how it should feel. You could make me feel good and I could make you feel good.”
Her cheeks flushed pink as the words left her mouth, and I didn’t miss the way her chest was rising and falling.
She was asking me to touch her, and she wasn’t joking this time.
“I would do anything for you. I just don’t ever want to do something that would hurt our friendship. So you’re going to have to be real clear about what you’re asking, and what you want, Jeege,” I said, noting the way the sun had started to tuck behind the clouds in the distance.
“Listen, we’re both very different when it comes to relationships.
And we know that. So there’s no mystery.
No surprises. No one’s pretending to be someone they’re not.
That’s why I thought this might be something that would be okay.
Like a one-time thing, and we never talk about it again.
And I’m not talking about sex—that would make things too complicated, at least for me.
And no kissing, because that’s intimate in a different way. But maybe just—other things.”
Jesus.
Was she actually asking me to be the first man she allowed to taste her?
Because there was no fucking way I could deny her.
It would be something I’d never forget. No doubt about it.
“Do you want me to make you feel good?” I whispered as I leaned close to her ear.
“Do you think it would be weird for us if we did this? Because I would want to make you feel good too—I mean, just the one time.” Her words were breathy, and my dick turned to stone immediately.
Was I really going to do this?
I was doing this.
One time.
One fucking time.
“I think we can make our own rules. Nothing could ever happen between us that would change how I feel about you.” I tucked the hair behind her ear. “I know you want to feel something, and I want to be the lucky man who gets to do that for you.”
She nodded. “And if I’m terrible at this, you have to tell me what to do differently, right? Promise me that you’ll be honest with me.”
I hated that this fucker had gotten in her head. Hated that anyone had ever made her feel like she was anything less than perfect.
Because to me—Gracie Reynolds was perfection.
I looked up into her dark gaze before reaching for her hand and placing it over my erection. “You haven’t even touched me and look what you do to me.”
Her eyes widened as her tongue slipped out and dragged along her bottom lip. She stroked me over my swim shorts a few times, and I groaned.
“So we’re doing this?” she asked.
“Yes. No sex. One time. And nothing changes between us.”
“Thank you, Bear. This is going to make me feel more confident moving forward. I mean, as long as it all works.” A nervous laugh escaped her pretty little mouth.
Thank you?
Was she fucking serious?
I was ready to lose it, and I hadn’t even touched her.
Tasted her.
I’d been with my fair share of women over the years, but I’d never had a desire to touch someone the way I did right here. Right now.
“Lean back,” I said as I pushed to my feet.
“Wh—” Her eyes were as wide as saucers. “What?”
“We’re doing this.”
“Here? On the boat?”
“Can you think of a better place?” I said, my voice gruff, as I dropped down on my knees.
“What if someone sees us?”
“No one is out here. It’s you and me. And if I get to do this one time, I’m going to enjoy every fucking minute.
The sun is just leaving for the day, there’s a breeze moving around us, and we’re hidden in a cove on the most beautiful lake.
Top that off with you coming on my lips—it doesn’t get any better. ”
“Holy shit,” she whispered under her breath. “We’re really doing this.”
She started to unbutton her jean shorts, and I wrapped my hand around her wrists. “Uh-uh. You wanted me to teach you, so your first instruction is to sit back and relax. I want to take these shorts off of you, and then peel your bikini bottoms down and see how wet you are for me.”
Her breaths were suddenly coming faster.
She wanted to feel good. Wanted to experience real passion.
And I was going to do that for her.
I wanted that for her.
Hell, to be honest, I wanted it for myself.
I wanted to give Gracie pleasure.
We were crossing a dangerous line, and I didn’t fucking care.
Because deep down, I was a selfish prick when it came to Gracie Reynolds.
She was my girl.
I wanted this.
I wanted her.
I reached up for the button on her jean shorts, my eyes locked with hers as I slowly pulled down the zipper.
Damn. I wanted to savor every fucking second of this.
The way her cheeks pinked, and her lips parted slightly.
The way her chest was rising and falling, her nipples pebbling beneath her white bikini top the moment I dropped to my knees.
I was hanging on by a thread. I’d never been so turned on in my life.
My dick swelled, straining against the fabric of my swim trunks.
I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.
She raised her hips instinctually, and I slid the denim down her legs before removing her shorts and tossing them aside.
I ran my hand down her calf, raising her ankle the slightest bit before I leaned down and kissed her there, my lips moving up to her thigh and taking my time as I moved from one leg to the next.
Her skin was warm and soft, and the sky darkened above us as I looked up at her.
She shifted slightly, lowering herself as if she was anxious for me to get where we both knew I was going.
The move made me chuckle. She was so eager, and I fucking loved it.
I ran the tips of my fingers over the center of her bikini bottoms, teasing her a few times before slipping beneath the thin fabric.
My dick was rock hard, and I couldn’t believe how much I wanted her.
“You’re so fucking wet,” I whispered, glancing up at her. “You like this?”
She was soaked. Seeing the way she reacted to my touch was the biggest turn-on.
And all I wanted to do was make her feel good.
Her breaths were labored and she nodded, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.
I slipped her bottoms to the side and buried my face between her thighs, hiking both of her legs over my shoulders at the same time. I couldn’t wait another minute.
Not another fucking minute.
I slid my tongue from one end to the other, and she moaned as her hands found my hair.
Good girl.
She was telling me what she liked with her body.
And I was fucking here for it.
I licked and sucked and kissed every inch of her like my life depended on it.
Devouring all that sweetness.
I couldn’t get enough.
Her thighs tightened around my head, and I slowed down.
I did not want this to end.
I didn’t want her to come yet, because I was a selfish prick and I wanted more.
She was bucking against me, tugging at my hair as a sexy moan escaped her mouth.
My tongue slipped inside her, and I fucked her relentlessly.
In and out, over and over.
“Cutler. Please,” she said, her voice strained and sexy as hell as she begged me to give her what she wanted.
What she so desperately needed.
My thumb moved to her clit as my tongue continued to devour her.
The sound of her labored breaths mixed with her moans had my dick throbbing.
Her legs tightened around my head, and my name was a cry on her lips as she went over the edge.
She continued grinding up against me, and I didn’t pull back.
I let her ride out every last bit of pleasure.
And when she finally slowed, and I pulled back to look at her, it nearly took my breath away.
Gracie Reynolds just might ruin me in a way I’d never seen coming.
Pun intended.