Chapter 27
twenty-seven
. . .
Cutler
There was this looming cloud hanging over our heads, and I could tell it was weighing on Gracie.
We’d need to have the talk that neither of us wanted to have.
She was leaving in three days. We couldn’t avoid it anymore.
It felt like a cruel joke in some ways. Everything was so good right now. We were happy. And it was all going to come to an end.
We’d have to find our new normal, and I didn’t have a fucking clue what that would look like.
I rolled on my side, where she was snuggled up against me, sleeping soundly.
Long black lashes rested along the top of her cheek, and her plump pink lips were parted the slightest bit, her hands drawn together just beneath her chin. Her long hair was a wild mess of waves falling all over the white pillow.
She looked like a fucking angel.
I could look at her forever and it wouldn’t be long enough.
I wanted to memorize every single curve of her face so I’d never forget this moment.
Waking up with Gracie Reynolds in my bed was not something I took for granted.
I knew that I was the luckiest man in the world at the moment, but I also knew that it wasn’t forever.
And that was a tough pill to swallow.
To know in your gut that this was your person, that this was the other half of your soul—but to also know that you had to let her go.
You had to let her spread her wings and fly.
Because you loved her that much.
She started to stir, and the corners of my lips turned up. Because we didn’t have anywhere to be this morning.
No work.
No meetings.
There was a talk that needed to happen between us, but something else needed my attention first.
I moved to the foot of the bed and lifted the covers before slipping beneath them, and I crawled up ever so slowly as I gently moved her legs apart.
She stirred some more, a little moan of pleasure escaping her, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I knew what she wanted. What she needed.
And she knew I was going to give it to her.
I kissed my way up the inside of her thighs, which was easy to do, seeing as we both slept naked now. Her legs fell apart even further, as she tangled her fingers in my hair tucking me closer. I chuckled as I pressed my mouth to her core.
All that sweetness.
My tongue swiped along her seam, licking and sucking as a groan escaped her.
“You’re so wet,” I whispered against her. “So sweet.”
Her fingers tangled in my hair, tugging and pulling, and I fucking loved it.
I loved everything about her.
Her heart. Her body. Her mind. Her laugh.
Gracie Reynolds really was my forever girl.
She was it for me. Always had been.
I flattened my tongue and slid it up and down her heat as she bucked wildly beneath me.
I’d bring her right to the edge and then pull back.
Letting that desire build.
That need.
“Please,” she begged, and I fucking loved it.
I fucking loved the sound of her begging me for pleasure.
I sucked hard on her clit, flicking my tongue there, giving her exactly what she wanted.
Her body shook, her legs tightened around me, her fingers tugged hard at my hair as she fell apart on my lips.
And I stayed right there.
Wanting her to ride out every last bit of pleasure.
When her breathing slowed, I raised my head, and she lifted the edge of the blanket.
“Good morning, Bear,” she said, her voice sated and sexy as hell.
I crawled up her body and moved beside her, adjusting her so that her head rested on my chest. “Good morning, baby.”
Her fingers traced along the muscles on my stomach. “Not a bad way to wake up. I’m going to miss this.”
It was the perfect segue.
“Yeah? We haven’t really talked about you leaving, and it’s only a few days away. Do you think we should discuss it?” I asked as I rubbed her arm.
She didn’t move. Didn’t turn to look at me. But I could suddenly feel the tension radiating from her body. “We knew it was coming, but I didn’t expect it to be this—complicated.”
“I didn’t either.” It was the truth, the sad reality that was waiting for us.
“You’re not a relationship guy, remember?” she chuckled, but it wasn’t genuine, and we both knew it. She wanted to make light of this, but that wasn’t going to work.
“Maybe I didn’t realize the right girl was there in front of me the whole time. I’m not proud to say I didn’t let myself see what this was until now,” I said, laying it all out there.
She pushed herself up, taking the sheet with her, then wrapped it around herself so she was sitting up facing me, her legs tucked beneath her.
“I don’t think either of us knew what this was.
It was supposed to be casual. Friends with benefits, remember?
” she said, her bottom lip trembling. “That’s what I expected it to be.
Because I already fell on my face giving up everything for a man before I came here, and I’ve made all these plans to restart my life.
To focus on my career. This wasn’t supposed to happen, Bear. ”
I reached up with the pad of my thumb and swiped at the tear rolling down her cheek. It nearly broke me to see that tormented look in her eyes.
“What wasn’t supposed to happen?” I sat forward, wanting to pull her onto my lap and kiss her senseless, but I knew we needed to have this conversation.
“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you,” she whispered, and when she looked up, I saw so much pain in her eyes.
It wasn’t the right time for us.
It never had been.
I knew it. She knew it.
But that didn’t make it any easier.
Hearing those words—it did something to me. I wanted to hold on to this moment, memorize it and savor it.
She loved me too.
It was fucking ironic that we were here.
Both admitting our feelings. And now we were going to be living on opposite sides of the country.
“Sometimes you can’t plan these things. I’ve never been in love, Jeege, not until now. Obviously, I’ve always loved you, but this is different. And I sure as shit didn’t plan it. But I don’t regret one damn thing about this. Not one thing, Jeege.”
“You don’t?” she croaked as tears streamed down her beautiful face.
“No. Because I’ve loved you my whole life, Gracie Reynolds.
I loved you when I was a kid and I didn’t know what it meant.
I loved you when I didn’t even believe in this kind of love.
I loved you when I was in meaningless relationships that meant nothing to me.
I loved you when you were in serious relationships.
And I will love you for as long as I’m on this earth. ”
“Cutler,” she sniffed, the word barely audible.
“How am I supposed to leave now? I’m moving to the other side of the country.
A different time zone. A long plane ride away.
This isn’t like I’m going to be living in Los Angeles, and we can drive back and forth.
I don’t know how this is going to work.”
Her anxiety was palpable. Thick and real and overwhelming.
I’d always been able to feel Gracie’s pain, and I felt it more than ever now.
“Hey.” I used the pads of my thumbs to swipe her tears away before placing my hand beneath her chin and tipping it up until her gaze met mine. “This isn’t our time, baby. But that doesn’t change the way we feel. Nor would I ever ask you to give up your dreams for me.”
This was the most difficult thing I’d ever done, and I’d had some difficult days in my life.
But convincing the woman I loved that it was okay to leave me—that would forever be the hardest thing I’d ever done.
But that’s how much I loved her.
I loved her enough to let her go. To set her free. To watch her fly.
I had to believe that our time would come.
But right now, we didn’t have options. I was in the middle of several large projects, and she had the opportunity of a lifetime waiting for her in New York.
“So we just say goodbye?” she croaked. “That’s it?”
“It’s never goodbye with you. You’re a part of me.
And I’ll be here, Gracie. I’m not going anywhere.
” I sighed as a heavy feeling settled in my chest. And I knew it had to be said, because I would not be another shithead who robbed her of her happiness.
“And if you go to New York, and you meet someone, and your life is everything you want it to be—I will love you regardless. That will never change. This is your time, Jeege, and I want you to go do whatever it is that you need to do. I will always be your biggest fan. So you go do your thing. Don’t worry about anything else, okay? ”
“What if I’m gone for years?” she asked, throwing her hands in the air.
“Then you’re gone for years.” I kept my voice calm and steady so she wouldn’t see the panic behind those words.
“I’m going to miss you.” She sniffed several times as tears streamed down her beautiful face. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“Listen, it’ll all work out. We’re C & G for life, right? We’ll be fine. Just go and spread your wings, and don’t worry about me or about us. We will always be okay.” I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her, and she just stayed right there, tears falling and sobs escaping.
I squeezed my eyes closed because I felt a sense of finality.
And she was crying because she felt it too.
“I love you, Cutler Heart. And if you fall in love with someone else, I’ll understand. I want you to be happy. And whoever gets to be loved by you is the luckiest girl in the world.” She cried as the words left her mouth.
I didn’t want to tell her what I knew to be true.
She was the only girl I would ever love.
And time was just playing a cruel joke on us.