Chapter 5
Colin
I hadn’t expected her to lean in and surprise me with that kiss.
It was so soft, its tendrils caused a bursting of flames starting from my soul, licking up my veins with a wild fury, and spreading all the way to my fingers and toes.
I knew I had to regain my control, or I might do something stupid like throw this sexy woman on the tabletop and take her.
Not only had that thought crossed my mind, but so had Jenna.
I know it’s time to let go of her, move forward with my life, and be happy.
I’ll always love you, Jenna. I silently send the thought out to her as if somehow, somewhere, she’d get the message.
Sydney’s looking back at me, her lips mere inches away from mine, with a new look of determination sparking in her eyes.
I study her face again and can’t help but brush away the piece of her long bangs falling in front of those beautiful green eyes.
Her hair is most definitely as silky as I’d imagined.
Her eyes close in appreciation of the touch.
The gesture itself is sweet. That's when I lean back in and smooth my lips over hers. I wonder if any of her previous boyfriends have kissed her like this. Judging by the look I just saw on her face, it hasn’t occurred very often.
What a fucking shame. I will be changing that.
Sydney’s lips become more pliant, parting slightly to allow me more access to the recesses of her mouth.
I can feel my heart beating faster, my breathing a little shallower and quicker.
I deepen the kiss just a little, inwardly groaning at that first meeting of our tongues.
When she gingerly slips her tongue out to trace the seam of my lips to explore and taste me before catching my lower lip to slightly suckle on it, I almost embarrass myself.
I don’t want to stop, but I know I don’t want to go too fast with this woman and chance ruining something that has the potential to be truly amazing.
She suddenly means too much to me too soon, and she deserves to feel desired and courted.
So slowly, so that it won’t seem as if I don’t want to continue, because boy do I, I pull back from her lips to look at her again and smile.
Silently, Sydney mouths the word wow and sits back smiling.
An indiscernible look crosses her face, and she suddenly looks nervous, like she has something to ask but doesn't quite know how to go about it.
“Colin, I have a question. I’m not sure that I should even be asking about it yet, but I would like to understand you better. I like you,” Sydney babbles out, affirming my notions that she is nervous.
I suddenly remember that she and Ava have met, and surely, knowing Ava, she probably mentioned Jenna. Damn, I had been hoping to save this discussion for another day, but I guess it’s better to get it out in the open now if I expect to have any sort of relationship with Sydney.
“Go ahead,” I say cautiously, just in case it isn’t Jenna that she asks about.
“Okay.” Sydney takes a deep breath, choosing her words carefully.
“What happened to Jenna? I know she was your wife. Ava mentioned her when I told her about our date tonight. I didn’t want to ask her what happened because I know it’s personal.
It’s your story to tell. I hope I’m not offending you, and if you don’t want to talk about it right now, I completely understand. ”
“No, you’re not offending me.” I blow out a nervous breath and lean back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair.
“It’s been five years since the accident.
We might as well discuss it. I figured Ava had probably mentioned her, but I didn’t know for sure.
Jenna and I were married for three years, and she was wonderful. ”
I sigh before sharing more of a story I hadn’t had to share with anyone in a very long time.
“She was a kindred spirit and so full of life and love that she gladly passed on to anyone she met. On the night of our third anniversary, she got hit by a drunk teenager while driving home. I can still remember taking dinner out of the oven and to the table, lighting the candles to surprise her. She was running a few minutes late already, and when the doorbell rang, I thought she was just goofing around waiting for me to answer the door or needed help since she was carrying something in.”
I take in a shaky breath, not quite able to look Sydney in the eyes just yet.
“When I opened the door to the sheriff instead of Jenna, I knew something bad had happened. I let him in, and he asked me to have a seat in the living room. He sat down and explained that she had been in an accident, that they did everything they could to help her, but before they were able to get her out, she died due to internal bleeding.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sydney’s hand cup her mouth, and when I glance at her, her eyes are glassy looking, obviously holding back tears, but I keep going. She reaches out and takes my hand in hers. That small gesture means the world to me.
“They said they’d tried to resuscitate her when they got her loose, but her brain had been deprived of oxygen for too long, and they just couldn’t get her heart to start beating again.
” I feel the pain tear the old wound open again.
I take a deep breath and remind myself it’s all over.
That I’ve already survived the worst days and that this feeling will pass just like it always does.
“For the longest time, I felt guilty for being home early, cooking to surprise her while she was bleeding to death, stuck in a car. I would’ve given anything to take away her suffering, because I know she did, and that hurt more than words can describe.
I just remember feeling as if every bit of air was sucked out of my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe, which caused the pain to be worse, imagining if that’s how she had felt at any point before she’d died.
I wish I could’ve said goodbye, or at least told her that I loved her one more time.
Hell, I would’ve gladly taken her place.
The day they put her in the ground, I swore I’d never love again.
A part of me died in that car with her. I never wanted to take the chance of caring too much and having that love ripped away again.
I felt too guilty to be happy or enjoy life while she was cold in a coffin.
I haven’t been on a date in five years, a first date in eight years.
I just hadn’t wanted to…until tonight. Until you.
” I swallow hard and chance bringing my eyes to hers.
I have no idea what Sydney is thinking; visibly, she looks shaken. I hadn’t meant to say that much, but it all just kind of poured out. She takes in a deep breath, a single tear sliding down her left cheek as she squeezes my hand. That’s when she seems to find her voice.
“Colin, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through, but from what you’ve told me about her, I know Jenna would want you to be happy.
So I’m proud of you for taking that step to move on.
Not only are you doing it for yourself, you’re doing it for Jenna.
And thank you. Thank you for choosing me to take that step with.
I know it couldn’t have been easy, but it explains the hesitant look I’ve seen in your eyes.
Don’t ever feel like you can’t talk about her with me.
I would love to know more about her someday when you’re up to it.
I think I would’ve loved to have known her. ”
At that moment, I know in my heart that someday I’ll find love again, and right now this woman amazes me.
Maybe I could even find love with her. I’m amazed that she isn’t freaking out and feeling some sort of competition with a dead woman, which is what I kind of expected and was nervous about.
Her tenderness surrounding the subject tugs on my heartstrings, and I just have to lean in and kiss her softly one more time before whispering, “Thank you.”
???
Sydney
Color me surprised that the discussion went so well.
I’d been crazy nervous to ask about Jenna, and I definitely did not expect to get much of an answer.
Instead, I got the whole story, feeling touched that he already trusted me enough to open up and tell me about it.
I now understand the hesitancy, the sadness behind his eyes.
This man has been through hell and back, but I’m not scared to move forward anymore.
I know that I will never be Jenna, nor do I want to be.
I get the sense that he’s not the kind to compare us.
It’s just not in him to be like that. There’s no competition, and I’m not jealous of the space Jenna still holds in Colin’s heart.
That’s expected, and if I were in the same position, I wouldn’t want a possible lover to expect me to forget the past.
Now all I can seem to think about is if there will be a next date?
He said he’s not offended that I brought Jenna up, but did I do it too soon?
I think tonight has gone perfectly, and I can’t wait to tell Ava all about it.
On that note, I need to call Holly. Holly is probably pissed that she hasn’t heard from me since the day I left St. Louis.
Shit, that’s not going to be fun. Then again, Holly will understand once I bring up the topic of this gorgeous veterinarian.
Holly will be so proud of me for getting back out there again so soon.
The last three guys had been one blow after another, ruining my whole outlook on dating.
Well, at least for a while, but things are looking up.
I now have getting to know Colin to look forward to, and he is a good man.
He doesn’t seem like the type that would cheat, lie, or abandon me in an hour of need.