Chapter 16 Jade #2
‘I wanted my bedroom to be super peaceful. No TV. No heavy colours, just calm.’ Lucy patted the top of the soft cream comforter and wiggled back into the mattress. ‘You can sit here.’
Jade tucked a leg under her butt and sat, wincing along with Lucy as she pounded her leg.
‘Most times, I feed off energy and a sprinkle of chaos. But at night, I like the quiet.’
Jade rested a palm on the bed. ‘I did the same after my divorce. Downsized everything.’ The physical pain of the divorce had been gone for a while, but talking about it still felt like a chokehold.
Memories of shoving clothes, a favourite pillow, and boxes of hair products into her car to make the six-hour trek from Chicago to Stillwater flashed through her mind.
‘I didn’t even need a moving truck. There’s something liberating about a fresh start. You know, leaving all the crap behind.’
Lucy swung her leg higher and shook out her hand. She exhaled and continued to rub. ‘Was it hard to date after your divorce?’
Jade shrugged. ‘Wouldn’t know. I haven’t done it.’ Except for maybe tonight.
Lucy’s eyes grew wide. ‘Was it a terrible break-up?’
‘Aren’t all break-ups terrible?’ Jade skipped her fingers across the ivory cable-knit blanket draped across the bed. ‘It wasn’t the break-up that was bad. It was the relationship. The break-up was the relief.’
Lucy stretched her leg and returned it to the bent position. ‘Is it too personal to ask what happened?’
‘I’ve stuck a needle in your butt. I think we’re past too personal.’
Jade loved to think the reason they divorced was because Elizabeth wanted to have kids.
It sounded so simple that way. But if she was honest with herself, their issues ran so much deeper – and had started so many years earlier – than the bombshell that Elizabeth had detonated during the last six months of their marriage. Jade drew in a deep breath.
‘Where do I begin? I met her freshman year of college. She was a couple years older than me, and she shined. She was super driven. Super determined.’
‘Sort of like your parents, huh?’ Lucy asked.
‘Yes! Just like my parents and sisters. And it was … I don’t know.
Seductive? Does that make sense? She always carried a promise of a better tomorrow.
Like, once I graduate, this will happen.
Or once I get my MBA, or land my job at the premier Chicago firm, we’ll do this.
But with every milestone, it’s like … the distance between us grew. ’
Lucy remained silent.
‘At a holiday party a few years back, I left to get us some drinks. When I returned, she was in a circle with her co-workers laughing about some office jargon and said something like, ‘Jade’s just a hairdresser. She wouldn’t get it.
’ And I literally shrank. Like, I’m six feet tall, but felt like the smallest person in the room. ’
The image of that night was forever seared into her brain.
Jade had pivoted, stormed into the lobby, finished both drinks, and scrolled vegan recipes on her phone for over an hour before Elizabeth even realised she had never returned.
At home that night, Elizabeth said Jade was overreacting, she always overreacted, and Elizabeth hadn’t meant it like that, obviously.
But then soon, Jade stopped getting invited as Elizabeth’s plus-one, stopped being told about work, stopped being engaged with.
Until Jade became a ghost in her marriage.
‘Something like that would’ve gutted me. I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to say, especially from someone who’s supposed to love you the most.’ Lucy stroked her hand across Jade’s knee, then pulled her hand back to resume her thigh massages. ‘Did you ever call her out?’
‘Yeah, sometimes.’ Jade stared at her leg where Lucy’s touch still lingered and wondered how someone’s fingertips could carry that much warmth.
‘I don’t know how to say this without sounding whiny.
I’m sure there were plenty of times that I wasn’t a peach to be around.
But she needed her co-workers, her friends, her managers.
She didn’t need me. Everything else – everyone else – was more important.
It’s not like I was jealous. I just felt … ’
‘Invisible?’
Lucy’s soft words hit hard. She understands. ‘Exactly.’ Jade stopped stroking the blanket and sat higher. ‘Jesus. No more sob story. What a mood killer.’
‘What? Like this is not the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen, me rubbing a lump out of my swollen, stiff thigh?’ Lucy flexed and shook her fingers.
Sympathy flushed through Jade for Lucy’s delicate fingers. ‘Need a breather? I can take over for a while.’
‘No, you don’t have to do that. My hand’s just getting a little tired.’ She rotated her wrists until it cracked. ‘I’m playing Russian roulette with my muscles to see which will cave first.’
‘I really don’t mind. I’ve got titanium fingers.’
Lucy scrunched her nose.
‘That sounded really, really weird.’ Jade chuckled.
‘What I mean is, I’ve given at least ten scalp massages a day for the past fourteen years.
My fingers are the strongest part of me.
I got this.’ She hovered her hands over Lucy’s thigh.
‘I mean, it’s no big deal for me, but I don’t want to rub without permission. ’
Lucy released her hand. ‘Please, be my guest. Rub away. My hand is so flippin’ tired.’ Lucy scooted herself sideways, her pink sundress getting tangled with the blankets. ‘This is why I sleep naked. All the fabric gets twisted and uncomfortable.’
It was clear she wasn’t trying to be sexy as she flipped over, huffed, and shimmied the dress straight. But it was too late. The image of Lucy sleeping naked had burrowed itself inside Jade, probably for all eternity. She exhaled slowly through her nose and tried to think friend-only thoughts.
Lucy tucked a pillow on the edge of the bed, backed her butt up to Jade, and shifted her leg. After some finagling and a few grunts and giggles, Jade scooped Lucy’s thigh onto her lap and pressed her palm with slow, circular strokes. ‘How’s the pressure?’
‘Good.’
The muscle was knotted – Jade could feel it right away, a knob beneath the skin. But if she could work it out, Lucy could sleep pain-free tonight. ‘So, you’ve never been married.’
‘Nope. Never in my game plan.’
‘No?’ Jade pushed her knuckles into Lucy’s leg and waited for her muscle to tense. When it didn’t, Jade continued. ‘Never found “the one”?’
‘Never even found a maybe.’ Lucy rested her hand next to Jade’s leg.
‘It’s hard for me to connect with people.
I love Drew. I tolerate Mason.’ She chuckled.
‘Just kidding. I love him too, but even with Mason, who I’ve known for a hundred years, I don’t fully connect.
And I’ve dated a lot, but I guess it always just fizzles out. ’
The words were hard to comprehend. Lucy had a natural warmth to her.
To Jade, she seemed like the type of woman who would comfort a crying kid, bring soup to a sick neighbour, or walk out of an animal shelter carrying an armful of elderly cats.
Not connecting didn’t seem part of her DNA. ‘Did you ever have your heart broken?’
‘Never.’ Lucy’s hand crept closer. ‘I missed them for a while, but it was more about missing having someone around. Not always missing them. Does that make me sound like the most awful, terrible person ever?’
‘It sounds honest.’
The silence that followed was more comfortable than awkward.
Is Lucy bonding with me? Maybe Lucy struggled to connect with people, but this right here, this entire last month, felt like a deep, growing bond.
And every second spent with Lucy, or thinking of Lucy, made Jade’s heart and mind dash in totally opposite directions.
The rush Jade got when she and Lucy talked sparked all her dormant cells.
But fear seeped in when Jade felt herself opening up.
An urge to wrap Lucy in her arms and taste her candy lips elbowed Jade daily.
Lucy’s leg muscles loosened beneath Jade’s touch.
She was kneading Lucy through the thin dress, but soon Jade’s mind travelled to what was underneath.
All she wanted was to hike up the skirt, give her a proper massage, and feel her utterly melt.
She swallowed and breathed through her racing pulse.
‘This feels really good,’ Lucy murmured.
‘Good.’ Jade’s fingers stretched, and Lucy wiggled back, her backside nearly flush with Jade. The tiny hairs on Jade’s neck stood on edge, and she wondered if Lucy felt the same charge.
No, stop. She was helping Lucy alleviate pain. Being a friend. Listening. This wasn’t …
Oh shit. Maybe this was. Lucy wiggled back a little more, a soft moan escaping, and inched up her dress. So subtle, it could have been waved away.
But not subtle enough.
Jade added a second hand, her heartbeat pounding through her chest, reaching her neck.
Lucy’s soft sigh and quiet stirring wet Jade’s mouth.
Lucy tugged up her dress, higher, a few more inches, and shifted.
Her ass was now nearly in Jade’s lap, and Jade’s breath hitched.
She licked her lips, her fingers aching to touch flesh.
Another tug of her dress, another wiggle, and finally, bare skin flashed under her thumb. Jade swiped the skin, once, twice, and Lucy’s moaned intensified. ‘This feels … amazing.’
Jade didn’t say anything. Half of her wanted to bolt out of this room, still her heartbeat, slow her thoughts.
The other part wanted to reach underneath the dress, to inhale Lucy’s scent.
She tugged the dress higher, her full hands on Lucy’s bare, silky thigh, the skin so perfect, so smooth under the pads of her fingers.
‘Do you want to touch me?’ Lucy’s voice, low, husky, in a whisper.
‘Yes.’ Jade’s words were breathy. Her pulse thudded in her ears. Her mouth ached. But her heart wasn’t ready. She wanted to, my God she wanted to, but this was more than sex, and she knew it.
‘I want you to touch me.’ Lucy scooted back and hiked her dress up, until the whisper of lace peeked through.
Elevated breaths filled the room. Jade slid her hands higher.
It had been so long since she touched someone like this, with intention, with hesitation, and heat rose between her legs.
She clenched her thighs. Maybe they should stop, but God, it felt so good to feel the shakes, the urgency running through her veins.
But it wasn’t smart. Not now.
Lucy pushed herself into Jade, reached behind her, and stroked Jade’s thigh.
Jade’s pulse moved to her neck and her breaths came heavy.
She grazed Lucy’s shoulders and watched greedily as a trail of goose bumps rose on Lucy’s arm.
A chill ran through Jade, her hands hungry, her mouth wanting to taste Lucy.
She gripped Lucy’s hip and pulled her into her, hard.
Jade drank in the sensation of Lucy, burrowing back into her, a moan releasing into the air.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! The timer on Lucy’s phone screeched and rattled against the nightstand.
Lucy froze.
Jade froze.
Lucy’s chest rose and fell. She broke contact, and Jade’s skin turned cold. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She slapped the alarm off. ‘I want to … I just don’t think … I mean, with the pregnancy …’
Jade was empty, sad – and still fighting with arousal.
But also, so very relieved. ‘I know.’ Her words were nothing more than a whisper. Her chest felt like it was bound in rope, squeezing out her limited air. A few deep inhales later, she slowed her pulse. She gently tugged Lucy’s dress back down and covered her leg.
Silence filled the room. Jade held still, so did Lucy. So many seconds passed that Jade wondered who’d break first.
Lucy turned, and laid her head on Jade’s lap, her shoulders hunched.
Defeated? Jade stroked her hair until her pulse normalised.
All of this sucked. Why couldn’t they have met a year from now?
Or when they were teens like Mrs Dieterman and her husband, or before she and Elizabeth met?
The unfairness of the situation made Jade want to punch the universe in the face and storm off.
Lucy exhaled a shaky breath. ‘Friends?’
Her timid voice was barely about a whisper.
Friends was safe. Friends made sense. Friends hurt a little but was the only logical choice. They couldn’t do this. Maybe someday in the future, maybe not. But for certain, not right now.
Jade battled back the urge to cry. ‘Friends.’