Chapter 18 Jade #2
Jade had the urge to reach out to pull it off for him as his thumb shook, but she refrained. ‘I only maintain what she was born with.’
He finally tugged open the creamer and splashed the minuscule amount of liquid into his mug.
‘Clara’s been a looker since the day I met her.
You ever heard of love at first sight? I’ll tell ya, it was love at first blink.
’ Mr Dieterman spent the next ten minutes rehashing the story of how they met, the details only slightly shifting from Mrs Dieterman’s version.
Somehow, as Jade listened to his warm words of adoration, comfort washed over her.
After sixty years of marriage, these two still looked at each other like that.
She and Elizabeth only had those eyes for the first two years.
Jade showered him with questions, asking what their school was like and if Mrs Dieterman had the same feisty personality back then as she did now.
Mrs Dieterman cracked a joke about getting frisky during a dance after the girls were allowed to enter the boys’ gym, and he talked about him and his buddies helping decorate that day, just to get closer to the girls.
A yearning filled Jade, and she wanted to cry at the sweet story.
‘You know I made him wait a whole year while I played hard to get?’ Jade shook her head. ‘I wasted that time. And seeing our grandnephew today just …’ Mrs Dieterman waved her hand.
The words hovered, heavy in the air.
‘Do you have someone special?’ Mr Dieterman asked.
How to answer that? There was someone special, but she didn’t have someone special. Jade bit the inside of her cheek. ‘Well … I mean, I have someone I care about …’
Mr Dieterman set the fork against the plate with a tink. ‘Do they know?’
‘Marlon, now that ain’t none of our damn business.
’ Mrs Dieterman swatted at his hand. He shrugged and dug back into his meal.
Mrs Dieterman glanced at Jade and leaned towards her.
‘I tell ya, it might have been all those years ago, but I wish I could get that year back. I’d never want to waste this precious gift of time.
The second I knew he was the one, I shoulda told him, right then and there. Ya never know what could happen.’
The words hit, hard. The pie from earlier rumbled in Jade’s belly.
Mr and Mrs Dieterman spoke facts, and Jade needed to listen.
During her marriage, she’d chased and waited, chased and waited.
She never felt settled, whole, or complete.
And she didn’t need someone to do that for her, but dammit, she wanted someone.
‘I need to head out.’ She shook Mr Dieterman’s hand and patted Mrs Dieterman’s forearm. ‘Thank you for the chat. And I’m so very sorry about your nephew.’
The temperature had dropped another degree while Jade was inside. She made her way to the car, the noise from the highway sounding faintly in the distance. The smell of moisture saturated the air, and before she left the parking lot, rain started spitting on her.
Streetlights blurred as her mind swirled.
Visions of Lucy and pregnancy and broken marriages and broken vows and hope and love flashed at the same speed as the rain pellets.
The image burned in her brain of Lucy’s thigh wrapped around her, that snort-giggle that made Jade laugh every time, that sweet mouth and the deep kindness behind those eyes.
How energy burst through Lucy, exploding out of her as she twirled through the living room, spilling popcorn as Chucky lapped it up.
Tears brimmed, then fell, and Jade swiped them away with her sleeve.
No more waiting, no more silencing herself. Forget the pregnancy. Forget the fear. She was not letting another minute go by without saying how she felt.
The rain beat harder, the swoosh of the wipers matching the swoosh in her stomach.
As if on auto-pilot, Jade pulled down Lucy’s street, her heart thudding in her chest. She leapt out of the car, not daring to waste one more second.
Jade had to tell Lucy how she felt, and if Lucy didn’t feel the same …
well, she’d still stay. She wanted Lucy in her life, even if it could only be as friends.
But she really, really wanted to be more than friends.
The stairs were slippery as Jade leapt up to the door, the rain now pelting against the gutter. The ting ting ting matched her pulse that had now skyrocketed to her head. She lifted her hand to knock but froze. It was after eleven. Lucy was pregnant. Maybe it could wait.
Jade didn’t want to wait. Dammit. She hadn’t thought this through. She could text her, see if she is awake. What if Lucy rejected her, right here, tonight?
But what if she felt the same?
Texting. Yes, that was good. Jade pulled out her phone, fingers shaking, when the porch light turned on and illuminated the deck. The front door swung open. Somehow, Jade was shivering even as adrenaline pumped through her veins.
‘Jade?’ A confused-looking Lucy tugged her robe across her waist. ‘Are you okay? Come in! Come in.’ She dragged Jade inside. ‘You’re wet. Are you freezing? Let me grab you a tow—’
‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Tears brimmed, fuzzing her vision.
‘I just can’t. There’s so much I want to say.
I thought I was okay with all of this, and I am, but I’m not, and I’m really freaking out right now, and I’m usually the calm one …
’ Fat tears rolled down Jade’s cheeks. Her ears were ringing; her mouth turned dry.
Lucy’s eyebrows folded into themselves, worry lines cutting across her forehead. ‘I’m so confused. Are you okay? Are you in trouble?’
Jade needed to breathe, but the words were heavy and thick and not coming out right.
She was ruining this moment, if this could even be called a moment.
Everything could crash and burn and die, or it could go amazingly.
She shouldn’t wait, but now she wanted to wait, because exposing herself like this terrified her.
‘I can’t do this anymore, Lucy. I can’t pretend to be your friend.
I don’t want to be your friend. You’ve grabbed my heart and held it and squeezed it and— I’m not making any sense. ’
Lucy stepped back, silent, her hand draped across her mouth.
‘You’re everything I think about. You have this halo around you, these, like, slices of light and joy and loveliness and shit.
I just— Okay, I’m going to say it, because I’m not wasting one more day without you knowing how I feel.
I want to be with you.’ Jade swallowed. ‘There, I said it. And if you want to be friends, it’s okay, even though that’s not what I want, but I will respect whatever you say, because you are—’
Lips pressed against hers, warm and intentional.
Jade melted into the soft embrace and pressed back. Her breath constricted. Did this mean Lucy felt the same? Or was this a pity kiss?
Lucy gripped her cheeks and stood back. The amber in her eyes sparkled in the low lighting as her gaze flickered to Jade. ‘You’re not just saying this?’ Lucy’s voice was quiet, almost shattered.
‘No, I’m not. And I don’t know what this means for us, or you, but we can figure it out, right?’ She’d never been so hopeful in her life … while also wanting to run and dive into the cornfields. Even with Elizabeth, Jade never remembered feeling so jittery, so alive, so terrified, all at once.
Lucy approached her again. Slowly. Warmly.
She wrapped her arms around Jade’s waist and laid her head on her chest. Jade kissed the top of her apple-scented hair, breathed her in, moulded herself into her.
Does this mean Lucy feels the same? Jade stood still.
Lucy was holding her, clinging to her, so motionless that Jade almost wondered if Lucy had fallen asleep against her.
‘We’re gonna figure this out,’ Lucy whispered.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’ Lucy released and stretched on her tiptoes, closing the gap between their mouths. She pressed against Jade’s lips again, kissing her, firm, full, sweet. ‘I want to be with you, too.’
After spending the last year thinking something like this would never happen to her again, Jade bit back tears. She found the person she wanted to try again with, and her heart overflowed with gratitude.