6. Penelope
6
Penelope
I think I’ve sat in every single spot I can in my house. From lounging on the couch to shifting at the dining table to throwing myself down on my bed.
I feel like I’m a teenager again, flopping about nervously because of my decisions. Unable to sit still, every time I remember how last night ended, I get all fuzzy and anxious.
I kissed Asher. Rather than thinking about the consequences of my actions, I kissed him because there was nothing else I wanted to do more at that very moment.
Now look at me. I’m almost thirty years old, and I’m all jumbled up like I’m half that age. I need to relax before Asher realizes that I have barely matured over the years. I’m still the same flustered, nervous woman he’s always known.
Despite saying he’d return today, I’m not getting anything—no texts or calls, giving no signs that I didn’t completely scare him away because my body moved on its own.
I’ve survived all these hours by convincing myself that he’s figuring out how to let me down easily. A troubling thought has transformed into a chaotic jumble in my mind, leaving me stressed that a single misstep could trigger everything to spill over.
Will I come off as desperate if I call him first? Maybe even if I just send a friendly text with a waving emoji or something. I don’t have to wait for him…
Currently collapsed at the dining table, I press my palms against my flushed cheeks. Trying to ease my worries, there’s a weight growing heavier at the back of my mind.
He didn’t accept my invitation inside. After a kiss that passionate, only one outcome would’ve happened if he’d stepped through the doorway. He knows that, doesn’t he? Is that why he declined?
After knowing what I’ve gone through with Danny, he could’ve wanted to avoid risking hurting me. If only he knew how impossible that is.
Asher’s too good of a man to do any harm. He’s never treated me wrong, in the present or past.
As I grow anxious once more, my knees bounce as I tap my thumbs against my coffee cup. All this caffeine can’t be helping me, either. After a night full of tossing and turning, I need every sip I can get my hands on.
Taking another much-needed sip, I sputter and cough at the sound of a hard knock against the front door.
Jerking, I wonder if I’ve hallucinated the sound because of how badly I want to hear it. There’s another knock, and I’m on my feet.
Please don’t be management or a neighbor complaining.
Please be Asher. He’s the only person I want to see.
When I yank open the door, the flora smell hits me before my heart has time to explode in my chest.
Asher is really here, standing on my doormat with a bundle of flowers pressed to his chest. They’re beautiful. A mix of colors that remind me of the fields on the mountain during the springtime.
“Can I come inside?” he asks after I’m left staring at him for a minute too long. The paper surrounding the flowers crinkles in his grip as he shifts from one foot to the other. “Cold as hell out here.”
Making myself dizzy with how quickly I nod, I beckon him inside before slowly shutting the door. My stomach is clenching up, and now, the coffee feels like a terrible decision. I feel like I’m buzzing and on the verge of getting sick.
Has falling in love always felt like this, or have I just forgotten? Not even Danny has evoked these kinds of feelings in me.
“For you,” he explains as he hands off the flowers. When his hands are free, he’s rubbing the back of his neck. “For the holiday and all that.”
I don’t even know what day it is. That’s how distracted I am. Oh. Valentine’s Day. Ouch. I’ve kind of made myself forget about any holiday paired with romance. Normally, if I’m not working, I just binge-watch silly romance movies. If I’m feeling extra sensitive, I’d pair it with ice cream. Thanks to Asher, I never thought to buy any.
“They’re beautiful,” I murmur as I take in the different colors. Looking his way, I watch the way his shoulders relax. “Thank you.”
As I search for something to place these in, I hear him clear his throat.
“I came to talk about last night,” he explains as my movements slow. “About everything.”
A part of me wants to take my sweet time to prolong that conversation. What if these flowers are here to soften the blow? I’m not ready for this man to tell me that he’ll only be able to see me as his best friend’s ex-wife. I don’t want to hear the words.
Unfortunately for me, Asher takes a seat at the table. He’s not going anywhere until he can say what he needs to. I offer him what is left in the coffee pot, and he’s smart to decline.
While I search for a basic glass cup to use until I can purchase a nicer one, I catch a glimpse of the amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches as I place the flowers at the center of the table.
“In my defense, I never thought I’d be gifted flowers. Vases take up space, and in this place, I need all I can get.” Plopping down across from him, my fingers tangle together as my nerves get the best of me. “What would you like to talk about?”
Stupid question, I know. At least I get to see Asher’s mouth twitch in continued amusement. However, that amusement slowly melts away, revealing an unease in those faded honey-colored eyes. It’s not something I’m used to seeing from him.
“Do you regret the kiss?” he asks, surprising me.
Regret it? Ever since I woke up this morning, I can’t stop thinking about wanting to do it again. Heck, all night, I imagined what could’ve happened if we’d continued what we started once we got inside my home.
“Not at all.” Admitting the truth, heat crawls up my throat, and my face gives away my embarrassment. “It was nice.”
Nice is an understatement. I could barely keep up with him, drowning in everything he threw my way. He made my knees weak and my body molten hot, and he barely even touched me.
He stretches out his hand, his touch cautious as his fingertips wander over my knuckles. My fingers stop moving, and I’m left looking into his eyes. Now is not the time to get lost in them, but it happens anyway. He doesn’t have to tell me to relax; it happens all too naturally.
I really love this man.
If he’s going to tell me I suck at something as simple as kissing, there is no way I’m going to survive the blow.
“I have a confession to make,” he starts up as he gives my hand a squeeze. “I lied to you when it comes to why I left Hope Peak.” His brows lower, and he’s back to frowning. “Well, I didn’t tell you the complete truth.”
Sucking in a breath, I don’t dare interrupt him. Not when he suddenly looks so serious. No matter what he says, my feelings won’t change.
“I needed to get away, Pen.” He shakes his head as he grimaces at the memory. “I needed to get away from you two. Seeing your happiness was too painful.”
Taking in his words, I shake my head. “I tried setting you up with–”
“I didn’t want any woman,” he interrupts as his hold on my hands tightens. Catching himself, he sighs before brushing the back of my hand with his thumb. “I only wanted one woman. Only loved one woman in my life. And I had to walk her down the aisle and hand her off to my best friend. Talk about fucking torture.”
Now, that is a blow to the gut. I don’t realize I’ve stopped breathing until my lungs burn and remind me how important oxygen is. Once I’m breathing in, my head spins.
“You loved me?” I repeat slowly, “all those years ago?”
I never knew. Never had the slightest clue.
We’ve always gotten along, and I leaned on him for support. Sure, I saw him as a friend all those years ago. All that time, he suffered, and I didn’t know. Did Danny? No, I think he was just as clueless.
“Since the day Danny introduced you to me.” He sighs like he’s exhausted from a sleepless night as well. The truth must’ve weighed him down for so long. “I thought leaving would help get me over these pesky feelings. I thought wrong. These feelings have clung to me this entire time, reminding me how terrible I am. Reminding me I shouldn’t want you as much as I do.”
My heart soaks in his confession and starts picking up speed. Soon, I can feel it battering against my rib, and I’m smiling without trying to. The butterflies are filling my stomach in a rush.
“Even now?” I’m sounding desperate here, aching to hear the words.
“Even now,” he nods, “I love you. No matter what, that bit will not change. The moment you rushed into my life, you ruined me, Pen.”
Danny loved me, too. However, his love lasted only a couple of years. Will this be different? The two of them seem to be shaped from the same mold. Though they were younger and more careless.
The man sitting in front of me isn’t the same as the one I once knew. He’s matured and looks like he knows what he wants.
Asher’s love is strong enough to last for seven years, surviving all those years even after separating. Despite never receiving anything in return, his love burned fiercely. The way he wants me feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
As bad as it’ll make me sound, I kind of wish I would’ve met this man first. Something tells me he wouldn’t have let me go. At the time, our worlds seemed so far apart. One thing my ex-husband did right was bring Asher into my life.
Standing up, I round the table and approach him. He tilts his head up, his eyes watching ever so carefully. My fingers are trembling as I cup his face. “You already know I’m a handful. I’m always late, and I smell like I’ve bathed in oil half of the time. That doesn’t bother you?”
He shakes his head. He’s hesitant about touching me at first. Once his hands are resting against my hips, he’s squeezing my body. I don’t miss the sigh of relief that slips from his lips. “I’ll keep loving you. It’s a curse, Pen, always looking from the sideline. Trust me, I’ve tried to stop. No matter how much effort I put in, it’s all useless. Even when I thought I succeeded, all I had to do was see you one single time, and all my effort over the years went up in flames.”
Hearing the ache behind his words, I stroke his cheeks as I try to imagine going through the same thing. I guess I haven’t experienced a love so raw to feel something so intense. “I’m sorry for never realizing.”
He’ll want me to take back my apology. Before he can demand I do so, I swoop down and kiss him. Nothing too intense, just a simple brush to distract him from the words forming in his head. I need to take a moment to register all this new information, anyway.
He loves me. Asher wants me. This guy wants me.
I find it hard to believe for all three seconds before he moves. Standing up, he remains bent, refusing to break the kiss for even his comfort. Needing this just as much as I do, his hands move more freely. Making it known how thin my shirt is from the way his touch burns my skin, one of his hands moves down to grab my ass.
The groan that leaves his lips matches my own. Hearing him mutter a curse, he can’t seem to get enough. As he flattens our bodies together, I can feel the tension coiling in his body. Against my stomach, his jeans do very little to hide his arousal.
Asher, getting all worked up over a kiss? It’s laughable compared to how he used to act. It’s one of those things that makes me feel powerful. Just when I’m feeling like I’m on top, he grabs me.
A gasp leaves my lips when he plucks me up. I cling to his body, and our kiss resumes as he abandons the kitchen.
“Your room,” he starts before groaning when I nip his lip. “Is it too soon to tell me where it is?”
Not too soon. There’s a heat growing in my stomach, burning up those butterflies fluttering around minutes ago. Last night, I was kept awake by the same heat. I need this. I need him.
Barely giving him direction, we’re on the move. He’s a master at deciphering my gibberish. In a matter of seconds, we’re in my bedroom. I don’t think either of us minds the mess as he makes his way to my bed. Gently setting me down like I’m precious, he joins me immediately.
Flattening me against my blankets with his bulk, he nips at my lips, my chin, and finally, my throat. His teeth scrape my skin, and a rumble vibrates through his chest like he’s a starved man who has found his first meal in a week.
“You have no idea how badly I wanted to join you last night,” he groans against my ear as he licks his way back up. “It took all the strength I didn’t realize I had.”
My hips try to lift, but once more, his body denies me the movement. I can feel his arousal digging into my stomach even harder, stabbing me with temptation. If his words aren’t enough to convince me of his feelings, his body proves the fact.
“I wanted you to know how I felt first,” he continues as his mouth grazes my throat. “Needed you to know how badly I want you. How badly I need you, Pen.”
Just when I think he’ll mark up my skin, he does the opposite and lifts to look down at me.
“Though, I’m tired of keeping my distance. I can’t stay away after this. Be mine, Penelope. I won’t make the mistake of letting you go.” He frowns at that, knowing how much my divorce hurt me. “I’ll give you whatever you want. Marry me before I go crazy. I’ll let you pick out a ring, a size too small if you’re worried I’ll ever consider taking it off.”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard this man sound so serious about anything.
As scary as the thought of history repeating itself is, I don’t think I need to worry about Asher. Not when he’s acting this intense. Sure, we won’t tie the knot tomorrow, but the way his grip on my heart tightens at the pleading tone of his voice, I can’t help but nod.
“Okay,” I agree in a whisper.
He left me once, and the sadness that came from it was more than it should’ve been. I don’t want him ever to leave again. If he marries me, then he’s going to be stuck. I’ll refuse to sign any more divorce papers.
When I tell him that, he laughs. Laughs. Sounding so rich and happy, I realize how gone I am for this man.
Asher is the man meant for me. Shame it took a few bumps on the road to get to my final destination.
With talk out of the way, he takes a moment to look at me. Shaking his head, his smile remains. With that, he swoops down for one more kiss before the real fun begins.