Chapter 10
Hendrix took me back to the apartment while Dash went home to shower and change. He sits on the couch but seems a million miles away even as he sits right in front of me.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Are you?” he asks.
“I asked you first.”
He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know what I am. I’ve been taught to compartmentalize my emotions as a doctor, but the longer we go without knowing who you are, the harder it gets.”
I sit beside him. “So, you think there’s a possibility I’m Lennon now?”
“I don’t know. I was so sure before. But after hearing Dash talk about that night, I’m not as certain as I was. Now I’m questioning everything. Is that why I worked so hard to save her? Because she was the woman I love, not you?” he asks aloud.
“We’re going to find out the truth, Hendrix.”
“Can I tell you something?” he asks.
“Sure.”
“The other night when I stayed here, and we made popcorn, and you drank root beer and hated it…” He stops speaking like I should know where he’s going with this.
“What about it?” I ask.
“London loves root beer.”
My mouth forms an O at what he’s insinuating.
“But you said my brain injury could change things about me. Couldn’t the same be true of my taste buds?”
“I suppose it could. While there’s so much we know about the brain, it’s only a fraction of fully understanding it. The brain is a mystery. Remarkable really,” he explains.
“Don’t let that one thing discourage you. Tastes can change for all sorts of reasons. And I’d bet it includes brain injuries,” I say trying to lighten the mood.
He huffs out a small laugh. “I’ll admit, what you just said sounds like something London would say.”
I smile. I don’t know what to hope to be true, for me to be Lennon or London. I’m holding on to pieces of both. Because once I know who I am, it means saying goodbye all over again to my sister. And it means one of the men who care about me so much will be broken in two.
“Is there anything in our medical records or dental records that would tell us apart from one another?” I ask. I’m not sure why I haven’t thought to ask about it before, even though I’ve wondered to myself.
“No, neither of you had anything on record. Your DNA is the same, and although you’d have different fingerprints, neither of your prints are in any database.
Since you were identical and one of you died, they were very thorough in trying to get your identities correct.
We didn’t know if you’d wake up, and if you did, we didn’t know the extent of your brain injury.
Luckily, the swelling on your brain went down on its own and your intracranial pressure never reached the point of intervention. ”
“What about scars or birthmarks?” I ask.
“None that I ever saw on London. None were noted in either of your charts,” he replies.
“I suppose I can ask Dash if he ever saw anything on Lennon.”
Hendrix’s gaze travels from my face to my lips and further south to my chest before coming back to my face.
“If we find out that you’re not London, I won’t stand in the way of you and Dash. I just want you to know that. When I told you I’d fight for you, I was certain I was fighting for London to come back to me, for you to regain your memory. But if she’s…gone…if she’s the one we buried…”
His shoulders start to shake with sobs, and it tears me apart to see his heart shattering this way.
I don’t know what else to do, except pull him close and try to comfort him. He holds on to me and finally calms back down. When we break our embrace, he looks at me for mere seconds before kissing my lips.
I kiss him back even though I know this is a dangerous game to play. If my heart doesn’t belong to him, this will only hurt him more later.
I pull back and gently press my hand against his chest. “I’m not sure we should be doing this.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I got caught up in my feelings.”
I cup his face in my hand and press one more gentle kiss to his lips. “It’s okay. So did I. We’re all going to get through this.”
He smiles and then kisses my forehead. “I’m supposed to be telling you that, beautiful.”
We’re still close on the couch when Dash walks in looking freshly showered but no less frustrated than when we parted ways at the hospital.
“Am I interrupting?” he asks tightly.
“No, not at all. I was just asking if there was anything in our medical or dental records that could help us. But the hospital already charted everything about us and there’s nothing. Neither of us had any surgeries or dental work. No fingerprints in the system.”
“That was smart to ask. I didn’t even think about it because I’ve been so focused on the video,” Dash admits.
“Um, I need to go home and get some sleep before my shift later tonight. The hospital chair didn’t do me any favors. If you need me for anything, just call. Same goes for both of you,” Hendrix says before kissing my cheek and then standing to leave.
Dash stares at me after Hendrix leaves. “Did something happen?”
“He was upset. He’s just accepting the possibility I might not be London.”
“And?”
“We kissed. He kissed me, but I kissed him back,” I admit, not wanting all the blame on Hendrix’s shoulders.
Dash shifts from one foot to the other.
“Did you feel anything with him like you did with me?” he asks nervously, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I’m not sure how to explain, but I’ll try. Before I do, just know I’m only trying to be honest to help all of us. Yes, I feel physical chemistry with him, but it doesn’t reach my heart like you do. You’re under my skin and my heart races every time I so much as look at you.”
He nods but remains silent.
“It scares me. Because what if I’m falling in love with you and you’re not supposed to be mine to love? What if I’m supposed to be with him?” I ask as my lower lip trembles. This is a new fear, one I can’t imagine ever having before losing the one person who I know grounded me.
He moves close to me and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear.
“What if your heart already belongs to me? What if like you, your heart fights like a Valkyrie all on its own and it’s trying to get your mind to remember what it already knows?”
I close my eyes and whisper, “Mirror, mirror. My heart to remember.”
He pulls me up and into his arms and then kisses my temple. We stand there locked in each other’s arms until my hip starts to ache.
I pull back and it’s my turn to shove my hands in the pockets of my leggings.
“Can you help me with something?” I ask.
“Anything.”
“I’d like to take a shower. I know it’s a big ask, and if you can’t or you’d rather not, it’s okay. But I was wondering if you’d get in with me to make sure I don’t fall. I’m still a little unsteady, even more so without my cane.”
He swallows. “I can help. I’ll just strip down to my underwear.”
“Thank you,” I say as we start toward the bathroom.
He reaches behind his neck and pulls his shirt over his head revealing a muscular chest, kissed by the sun.
A simple gold cross necklace hangs from his neck.
He turns on the water and adjusts the temperature before turning toward me again.
I notice the way his jeans hang low on his hips, and my mouth goes dry when he kicks his shoes and socks off before unzipping his jeans.
His chin is jutted up revealing a sharp jawline covered by trimmed facial hair. Once he’s down to his boxers, he helps me undress while keeping his gaze on mine. Obviously, he has peripheral vision, so he can see my bare body. And even though his pupils dilate, he’s the perfect gentleman.
When I’m under the spray facing the wall, he stands close but not touching me. This is heaven. The warm water cascading over my skin.
I struggle to wash my hair one-handed, and he steps closer to help.
His fingers grazing my scalp are soothing.
When I turn to rinse my hair, he’s still close but not close enough.
After conditioning my hair and washing my body, I let the warm water continue to rinse away what it can even though the last of the soap went down the drain a few minutes ago.
I take a step back and feel his slick chest against my back. His hands come up and grip my hips. He leans down next to my ear and his husky voice sounds. “Can I put my arms around you? I won’t try anything else; I just want to hold you.”
I turn my head so that our noses touch. “You can.”
I lean my head back against him as his hands move up to my stomach. I close my eyes as his hands explore my stomach, hips, and my ribs. He slightly grazes the underside of my breast, and I swear I’m going to combust right here in this shower.
He kisses my injured shoulder and then my neck.
I run my hands across his arms which are still holding me.
True to his word, he never lets his hands wander in places I’d love for them to.
And once the water finally runs cold, he reaches around me to shut it off and then grabs towels folded neatly on the shelf closest to the shower.
He dries me off first and then himself. We repeat how he helped me dress yesterday morning with him holding a towel to give me privacy.
“Can I ask you something?”
He nods as he helps comb through my wet hair.
“First of all, have you brushed many girls’ wet hair before?”
He laughs. “Yeah, but only because I have a little sister.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize. Well, I guess it’s something I knew before. What’s her name?”
“Audrey.”
“Pretty name. Do I, I mean does Lennon get along with her?” I ask.
“Not at first, but yes, now they do,” he says with a small smile.
“Why not at first?” I ask.
“She saw me upset over you after your dad forbid us from being together. She thought you’d abandon me,” he says.
“Oh. I see. I don’t guess I could blame her. But I’m glad she could see past it for you.”
He leans down so I can see him in the mirror from where he stands behind me.
“Of course, she got over it. She knows how much we love each other,” he says.
I smirk at his reflection.
“What’s your real question?” he asks.
“Does Lennon have any scars or birthmarks?”
He stops combing out my hair. “No, none I can think of. No birthmarks for sure, but if she has any scars, they are so small as to not be noticeable.”
“Hendrix said the same for London. Although, I guess we both have marks on us now. But hers won’t ever have the chance to heal and then become scars. I’ll be the one wearing scars going forward, both inside and out. She’ll never have to live without me like I’ll have to live without her.”
My chin quivers but I refuse to cry any more right now. When I glance back up at him, his cross necklace shines under the light. I reach up and touch it.
“Do you believe in miracles and in things you can’t see?” I ask.
“I do.” He leans down and places a kiss to the top of my head.
“She’ll live through you, babe. She’ll be there in your heart, just like your necklace says. I believe she’s with you now and always will be.”
“But I can’t give her back her voice until I can remember my own,” I whisper.
“Do you want to see Lennon’s house? Maybe something will be familiar to you there.”
I turn and face him. “Yes, please. Will you take me? Like right now?”
“Let’s go, Valkyrie.”