Chapter 23
“What can I do, Valkyrie? I’m in hell without you.
And it’s starting to feel like you’ll never pull me out.
How can it be that in almost the same moment I got you back, I may have lost you forever?
I love you and I’d never hurt you or your sister.
I wish you believed in me as much as I believe in you. ”
I squeeze my eyes shut as I pull the phone from my ear after listening to Dash’s voicemail. Hearing the pain in his voice and how it matches mine is breaking what’s left of my half-beating heart.
“Honey, dinner is on the table,” Mom says as she pokes her head in my bedroom at their house. My and London’s rooms have always been kept as ours so we could stay here anytime. I should’ve known she’d come looking for me.
“What are you doing in Lennon’s room?” she asks as I try to wipe the tears off my cheeks before turning to face her.
Dad walks in behind her and I can see the silent plea in his eyes to tell Mom the truth as his arms hang loose at his sides.
I know he’s right and I’m going to give in.
He needs the woman he loves to help him carry this pain…
this burden. And not telling her is almost cruel.
She’s going to feel betrayed, but I haven’t wanted to hurt her more than she’s already been hurt. And I’ve been trying to protect her.
“Mom, we need to talk. Maybe you should sit,” I tell her, gesturing to my bed.
“I think I’ll stand. What’s wrong, London? You’re worrying me,” she says firmly.
I glance at Dad again and she checks the movement.
“What? What aren’t you both telling me?” she asks in a shaky voice this time.
Dad moves closer and puts a large hand on her shoulder trying to be her anchor for when she learns what we’ve been keeping from her—the truth which will make her lose another daughter even if it gives the one back to her she thought she’d lost.
Tears fall from my eyes, and I know I have to just rip the bandage off.
There is no easy way to tell the truth. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment and picture the bracelets London and I gave each other, thinking of the engravings meant to whisper what we needed most. And I feel like I need them both, so I reach my left hand over to where they rest on my right wrist and rub the words engraved on them.
Mirror, mirror. My heart to shield. Mirror, mirror. My heart to embolden.
I need courage to say the words I know will break my mother’s heart and a shield around mine even if I don’t deserve one.
“Mom, I’m Lennon,” I blurt out the shocking truth.
She blinks a few times as if she doesn’t understand.
“You’re what?” she asks as her shoulders stiffen.
I swallow the painful lump forming in my throat threatening to choke me.
“I’m Lennon, Mom. I’m not…I’m not London. I got my memories back. Well, not all of them, but most of them.”
Her watery gaze never leaves mine and I have no clue what she’s thinking.
“Maybe I knew it somewhere deep down when I woke up in that hospital room, because I kept insisting I wasn’t London.
I think sometimes the heart will always remember what the mind can’t.
And my heart has been screaming out since my eyes opened for the first time after the wreck.
Screaming about who I really am. Screaming in sheer agony that London is really gone.
Screaming that even though I’m still here, I’ve lost almost everything,” I admit as tears track down my face.
She brushes Dad’s hand off her shoulder and steps forward in my direction. Her eyes are wide in disbelief but still, a familiar recognition. The tears filling her eyes spill down her cheeks, but she doesn’t bother wiping them away.
She brushes my newly cut bangs from my forehead revealing my angry scar on the left side. The injury responsible for my amnesia. The physical reminder of my TBI and the accident that has stolen so much from me…from us all.
“My baby. Why are you just now telling me this?” she asks as her chin wobbles.
“I was scared. I thought you’d hate me. I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you more or losing you forever after losing London,” I admit as I barely breathe for fear she’ll turn away from me and never look back.
“I could never hate you, Lennon. You’re my baby, the same as London. There’s nothing that could ever change it. I’m sorry the thought ever occurred to you.”
“I just know how close you were to her. Not saying we don’t have a good relationship, but she was always your shadow, and I was Dad’s.”
She takes my face in her hands. Sienna Tyler is always perfectly poised and polished. I’ve never seen a day in all my life when she wasn’t both the strongest and most put-together woman I know.
“You never need to hide from me, sweetie.” She tips my head toward her and makes sure she kisses the scar I’m desperately attempting to hide from the world as much as myself.
“I see you, Lennon. I love you and the only way any of us will get through this is together.”
She pulls me in for a hug and I glance at Dad as he swipes at his face and nods at me.
When we break apart, we sit her down and explain the danger I’m in and that we can’t let anyone know I remember who I am. And when I lay my head on my pillow later, I start to tap out a text to Dash, but I delete it because I can’t tell him what he wants to hear.
The truth is, we may not have a future. There are some damages and traumas which can’t be fixed. I’ve never been one to give hope when there isn’t much hope to give.