Chapter 26
LENNON
Icouldn’t explain what was happening to Dash. Not in the public eye where anyone, including my stalker, could be watching.
I felt it in his touch and could see it in his wounded eyes, the tie between us is severing.
Part of it is my fault for telling him I didn’t trust him even if I felt that way the moment the accident replayed so clearly in my mind for the first time.
I planted the seed of doubt whether I meant it or not.
I need to tell him, no matter what it looks like, I know in my heart it couldn’t have been him in the car that wrecked us. Even if the damage to our relationship has already been done.
I was just reacting to his car triggering my memory for the first time.
I could clearly see it all. But the only thing I haven’t remembered is how I ended up in the shirt London was wearing, and until I have the whole picture, I’m afraid to show my hand to my stalker or the world.
Not having everything leaves me vulnerable to more manipulation.
So, I’ve been pretending for the world to be London.
Just like my stalker wanted. He’s hinted to knowing I remember, but I’m trying to play his game for now.
Which is all the kiss between Hendrix and I was…
playing a part. It’s not exactly fair to Hendrix either, because he has some type of misplaced feelings for me, but now, it may have been the final push which will cost me the man I love.
That’s what he wants…what my stalker wants. He wants everything in my life destroyed so he’s all I have left. But I’ll beat him at his game. There is no other acceptable option.
Hendrix tried to apologize after Dash walked away, but it’s not his fault.
Maybe I’m approaching this all wrong after all.
Maybe it’s time to show the world who I am…
Lennon Tyler. It’s certainly time to show my stalker I’m a Valkyrie, ready for battle and ready to choose who is worthy of the real me.
And if it’s a battle he wants, it’s what he’ll get.
I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of letting him think he’s won.
Losing isn’t something I do. It’s time to dry my tears and do whatever it takes to get my life back.
I’ll issue him a challenge he won’t be able to back down from.
A race, because my heart tells me this guy is from my world and not just as a fan.
The only other thing I don’t know besides how I ended up in London’s shirt is who…
who this person is and how close they actually are to me.
I fear they’re closer than I could imagine.
But we’re about to find out. My heart has yet to lead me in the wrong direction.
And it’s saying this is it. Ready. Set. Race.
After I left Hendrix at the coffee shop, I find myself standing over the grave which was supposed to be mine.
I place white roses in the vase attached to the cold granite to symbolize the innocence of my lost twin sister…
for the silence that now echoes through my soul due to her absence.
They’re for the unity of our hearts even if our souls are now separated on different sides of heaven and earth.
I stare at my name etched in stone and realize they also stand for a new beginning—albeit one I’m unsure how to navigate—which I refuse to be lost on me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I can’t help the upward quirk of my lips.
Unknown number: Don’t try to beat the dealer at the game, princess.
Me: I’m not sure what game you’re referring to.
Unknown number: I see the determination in your stance and the lift of your chin. You think you’ve won, but you can’t win if you don’t know the rules.
Me: It sounds like you don’t even know the rules to your own game.
Unknown number: Mmm. Maybe I make the rules up as I go. Obtaining the object of your obsession requires a certain finesse.
Me: Nice to know you can admit you’re obsessed. What does that say about you?
Unknown number: I know who you really are. Do you?
Me: Why would I dignify that question with an answer? You claim you know all there is to know about me.
Unknown number: I think you do, but I suppose we’ll see if I’m right.
Me: And just how do you plan to find out?
I stare at my screen for a few minutes before realizing he’s done talking for now.
I kiss my fingertips and place them against the stone before walking back toward my GTO.
My next stop is Dash’s house. I shouldn’t be here, I know. But I need to explain myself. I need him to know it was for show. I need to apologize for accusing him of something so unthinkable.
I cut off the engine and walk up to his front door. I raise my hand to knock but I’m stopped by the door swinging open. I’m met with none other than the angry eyes of Dash’s sister, Audrey.
I open my mouth to speak, but before I can make a sound, her slim fingers grip my arm and tug me inside.
She crosses her arms and stares me down.
“Audrey?” I ask just to confirm my memory hasn’t failed me again.
“Good. You remember me. Do you also remember what I told you about breaking my brother’s heart?” she asks hastily.
“Uh, maybe you should remind me,” I say, although I’m sure it went something along the lines of making sure I’d never race again. She’s one of Dash’s managers and has big, important connections in the racing world. I don’t doubt for a minute she’d ruin me and never even lift a finger to touch me.
She puts her hands on her hips like she’s ready to scold me. “I’m a girl’s girl, Lennon. I want to see you on that track as much as you want to be driving on it. But don’t think I can’t go toe-to-toe with your dad even if he is one of the biggest names in racing,” she says.
“Why are you here, Audrey?” I ask.
“When Full Tilt Racing wants to know when their best racer is coming back, I go find out. Especially when my hardheaded brother is dodging me and giving very vague answers. But I’m also here because I know he’s not okay.”
“Where is he?” I ask as my hungry gaze searches what I can see of his house to find him.
Her lips press together, and her eyes seem to soften. “He called me after he saw you at the coffee shop. He told me he needed some time…lots of time before he’d ever set foot back in a race car.”
“He told you what was going on? About who I really am?” I ask in a hushed tone.
She nods as a sympathetic smile touches her lips.
My shoulders drop in disappointment. The more people who know my identity before I’m ready to expose myself, the more dangerous it can get.
She reaches for my hand. “I won’t say a word. I’m sorry about London.”
I set my jaw and clench my teeth to keep my tears from falling at the mention of her name.
“This isn’t a game, Audrey. I know you’re just trying to protect your brother, but I’m trying to survive. I need you to understand that,” I say firmly as a door opens from down the hall.
Dash walks toward us in his bare feet, shirtless, and the top button of his jeans undone showing me the flex of every muscle as he walks. The sight makes me weak at the knees. But that’s how it’s always been between us. All logic goes out the window when we’re together.
“What are you doing here, Lennon? Shouldn’t you be with Hendrix somewhere?” he asks as he stops in front of me. Even in his bare feet he towers over me, but instead of the steady man with a side of reckless he usually is, he’s swaying.
I scrunch my nose involuntarily. This isn’t the time to lose control. Not for him, not for any of us, but especially not for me.
“I came to talk…to apologize. But clearly, you aren’t in the headspace for it,” I tell him.
“I don’t want to hear your apologies, Valkyrie. You’ve already dragged me straight to hell. I don’t need your pity. This is me…waving my flag in surrender. I can’t fight a one-sided battle,” he says.
“You’re drunk,” I tell him from between clenched teeth.
Audrey chooses this moment to sneak away.
“Yeah, so what? I needed to try to erase seeing him kiss you from my mind, because this time, you knew who you were. I hated having to endure whatever happened between you before you remembered, but after you did…”
He trails off and shakes his head.
“But no matter what I do, it’s burned in the back of my eyelids.” He swallows hard and the pain he’s carrying is palpable but it’s so misguided.
“All you’ve wanted to do is remember and now all I want to do is forget,” he adds with a humorless laugh.
“You really mean that? You’re going to spin out at the first bend in the road, Dash?” I ask. I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest.
He guffaws. “This isn’t the first bend for us, baby. Not even the third or fourth. I think it’s time we face the truth. We don’t belong together, no matter how we feel. This whole thing has revealed the ugly truth to me. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”
I’m stunned into glacial silence. I can literally feel the coldness bloom in my chest and start to spread its icy path through my veins.
He just froze what was left of my heart.
What’s happened between us is anything but typical.
It’s downright horrendous. We’re rivals, but it’s only ever been on the racetrack, behind the wheel of our cars.
But still, when everything’s said and done, I always believed we’d make it…
our love would zoom past anything else in our way.
Love is supposed to be the shining star…
the guiding light everything else looks to as a path is carved out. I guess I was sorely mistaken.
His nostrils flare as he waits for me to speak, but I have no words.
I know this is likely the last time I’ll ever see him this close except in my dreams. So, after staring him down for what feels like an eternity, memorizing the angles of his face and the brilliant mix of dark and light colors swirling in his eyes, I walk to the door trying to accept this is goodbye.
This man…even when I didn’t remember myself, my heart recalled him. And now, because of some psycho with an axe to grind, it seems all he’ll ever get to be is a memory.
When I get there, Audrey is hot on my heels. “Don’t leave like this, Lennon. He’s hurting and he doesn’t realize what he’s saying. And you didn’t get to say what you came here to say,” she tells me.
It’s my turn to swallow hard. “It doesn’t matter now.
You just reminded me if I hurt him, I’d never race again.
From where I’m standing, he put the hurt on me, whether I deserved it or not.
He’s made his feelings about us quite clear with the help of some liquid courage it seems. Those confessions are the most honest. I need to leave. ”
I open the front door and take a step out as she grabs my hand to stop me.
I turn and glance at her over my shoulder with tears swimming in my eyes and my chin wobbles.
I can only be strong for so long knowing this is over not just because of my stalker, but because I overreacted to my memories and said things I can’t take back. “Take care of him. Please.”
She squeezes my hand with tears in her own eyes before nodding.
And it’s how I lost the love of my life.
By attempting to survive a cruel game I never knew I was a part of but assumed I could win.
And now…now I truly have nothing left to lose.
And if I’m going down, I’ll be taking my stalker all the way down with me.
The closer I get to my car, the more it’s as if every injury from the accident is awakened. Like the pain in my heart has reached the ultimate capacity and is overflowing to every space I’m trying to heal.
My shoulder and hips ache along with the pulsing in my head until finally, my lungs burn as if on fire. As if taking the slightest breath will squeeze the life out of me.
I close my eyes as I reach my door handle and nearly collapse from the weight suddenly pressing down on me.
I tip my chin up toward the gray sky and see it seems to reflect what I’m feeling…
like the sun has disappeared. I whisper and wish my words could reach across time and space to my sister, “I need you. I can’t do this without you.
There’s nothing left to shield, but I could sure use some of your heart to embolden mine. ”
But as expected, my whisper is the only one carried in the wind.