Chapter 34
DASH
“How is she?” I ask Lincoln as he steps outside her hospital room.
“Why don’t you go in and see for yourself,” he says as he squeezes my shoulder.
When I don’t answer, he says, “Thank you for saving her.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “I didn’t do anything. She’s the one who saved me.”
He crosses his arms. “What do you mean?”
I cross my arms in a defensive stance as well.
“I showed up and caught her off guard as she was having some sort of showdown with him. When she saw me, she changed direction and sacrificed herself to protect me. Which is why she’s lying in that hospital bed again.
You were right. Me loving her nearly gets her killed. ”
I don’t know exactly what transpired between her and Jackson, but I’m not stupid. He framed me for the first accident for a reason. And now, I literally made her choose between saving herself or saving me.
It’s too much to handle, so I’m about to turn and leave when I see Hendrix exit her room too.
I nod toward him. “Hendrix is the better man for her. He’s who should be with her. Not me. I’m not what’s good for her.”
Lincoln Tyler stares me down. A lesser man would squirm, but I’ve accepted defeat. My only stipulation in that acceptance is knowing she’s all right. So, as Hendrix spots me, he comes over to where Lincoln and I stand.
“Sienna is with her. All the initial scans are clear, but they’ll want to keep her for forty-eight hours just for observation since her TBI was so recent.
She does have a moderate case of whiplash, but she’s suffered a major setback with her left shoulder.
The X-rays make it look like her shoulder was wrenched up behind her so hard it severely dislocated it,” he says.
“What does that mean?” I ask.
Hendrix swallows. “She’ll need surgery. There appear to be muscles and ligaments that are torn. And…” He pauses as if pained and runs a hand down his face.
“And what?” Lincoln beats me in asking.
“There may be nerve damage this time,” he says.
“But after surgery and more physical therapy, it’ll get better, right?” I ask.
“Actually, we won’t know for a while. As short as three to four weeks or even as long as six or seven months. The initial symptoms will show up after she wakes back up before surgery.”
He shakes his head before continuing. “Any of three nerves could be involved. The axillary, which is most common, but more so for an anterior dislocation, the brachial plexus which is a complex bundle of nerves which can affect an array of things neurologically in the shoulder, arm, and hand. Then, there’s the radial nerve which can affect sensory function in the wrist and hand.
The longer we have to push surgery, the higher the risk of permanent damage. ”
“How long until you can do surgery?” Lincoln asks.
“Well, the neurosurgeons, neurologists, orthopedic surgeons, and anesthesiologists will likely want to wait until the forty-eight-hour window of observation is up. They won’t want to put her at risk by using general anesthesia, all things considered especially because shoulder surgery isn’t an emergency. ”
Lincoln nods his understanding and then turns his attention back on me. “Don’t you want to see her, Dash?” he asks.
I stare toward her room with laser focus as if I can see through the wall to her form lying on the bed.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. She needs to rest, not be reminded of heartbreak.”
Hendrix speaks up this time. “Dash, I understand where you’re coming from, but right now she’s resting comfortably. They gave her something for the pain in her shoulder, so she’s actually sleeping. You can see her without disturbing her, I promise. It’ll make you feel better.”
I hang my head and choose this moment to act interested in my shoes. “I don’t think I deserve anything, but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel better by seeing her with my own eyes now that I know she’s okay.”
Lincoln claps a hand on my shoulder. “Sienna and I are going to head to the cafeteria for coffee. Then, we’ll be back,” he says to both of us before waltzing toward the doorway.
We nod collectively before he sticks his head in her room and Sienna comes out and immediately casts a quick glance in our direction. Seeing her is almost like peering into the future and it makes my chest ache knowing I’ll only ever see that version of Lennon from a distance.
Sienna Tyler gave the girls their beauty that’s for sure, from their oval face shape to their cheekbones to the dark, thick eyelashes women pay good money for.
But they inherited some features from Lincoln too like their blue-green eye color, dark hair, and their straight nose with a small bump on the bridge you can only see from their side profile.
A moment passes after the Tylers have exited Lennon’s room and Hendrix hasn’t budged from my side.
“What are you waiting for, Dash?” he asks with all the patience in the world.
This man is a saint. He lost the woman he loves, yet he hasn’t cast blame on anyone.
He’s gone above and beyond to care for her twin sister, and because of the identity confusion in the beginning, he’s developed feelings for Lennon.
I can’t say I blame him. Some outside the circle of her family might not understand, but I do.
Nothing about this situation has been normal or easy.
She may have turned out to be my girl after all but her heart isn’t mine to keep.
Even though it’ll kill me to see her with him, I’ll know she’s loved and safe. Can I really ask for more than that?
I don’t answer him; I just reach out to shake his hand. “Thank you for everything, especially taking care of her when your own heart was broken,” I tell him.
He stares at my hand for a beat before shaking it. “She’s pretty good at helping to heal hearts.”
I nod and smile even though it hurts. “It’s one of her Valkyrie superpowers. Don’t let her forget it either. Because she’ll need to remember it for when she’s ready to heal her own heart.”
Hendrix looks confused as his brows knit together. “Why are you talking like you won’t be around to see it for yourself?”
I don’t answer. “Make sure she knows how loved she is every day.”
I start to enter her room, but he pulls me back. “You can make sure she knows that yourself, Dash. Don’t do this to her. Don’t take away her choice.”
“I’m not doing it to her, Hendrix. I’m doing it for her. All I’ve ever brought to her life is lies, secrets, and heartbreak. I’m too dangerous for her.”
“Her loving you isn’t your decision to make, Dash. She’s sacrificed so much to be with you,” he says a bit angrily.
“You’re right. Love shouldn’t make you sacrifice anything. It should come easily. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You’ll be the love that comes easily,” I tell him.
“Damn it, Dash. You’re being a selfish idiot. You need to talk to her.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. If I was selfish, I’d go in that room and never let her go. I’d keep her for myself no matter the consequences.”
“She’ll never see it that way. How will we explain you not loving her enough to fight for her?”
“I’m doing this because I love her, Hendrix.”
I can tell he’s clenching his teeth as I walk into her room, closing the door behind me to give us a final moment of privacy.
Like Hendrix said, she’s sleeping seemingly peacefully as I approach the foot of her bed.
I can’t believe this whole nightmare started in a hospital room like this, and now it’s ending in one too.
Her face is clear of any cuts or scrapes this time thankfully. When I realized she’d cut her bangs, I’m sure it was to cover the dark scar on her forehead. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen whether she has scars or not, but I am relieved no new ones were added for her sake.
Sometimes you don’t see the beauty in the mirror that everyone else sees when they look at you.
I see her left shoulder in a sling, and it appears to be wrapped in a way that it’s being kept immobile and in a position close to what it should rest in naturally.
My sweet, fearless Valkyrie.
I move to the right side of her bed and take her soft hand in mine one last time.
I know I practically forced Lincoln to give us his blessing just mere days ago, but I won’t hold him to it.
I had every intention of begging her forgiveness and doing whatever it took to win her back.
But after putting most of the pieces together as to the reason behind this chaotic nightmare, my only option is to let her go.
She was in danger in part because of me.
She lost her sister in part because of me, and she’s not been living her life to the fullest because she’s been sacrificing for me and her to be together.
And then tonight—even after I told her there was nothing left for us when she wanted to talk several days ago—when I realized she was doing the same and putting herself directly in harm’s way to protect me… I’ve never felt so powerless.
She could’ve been killed.
No, I can’t ever allow her to be hurt because of me again.
I study every freckle, scar, and line along with every sound of her breath so I can memorize them.
I brush a gentle kiss on her lips and then move up to do the same to her forehead.
I rest mine against hers for a moment with my eyes closed just savoring being close to her.
I revisit the first time I was enchanted by her smile so many years ago in my mind.
She won a race against me when we were teenagers.
She pulled her helmet off, letting her long dark hair free. She waltzed right over to me and flashed the most blinding smile at me.
“Good race. I’ll try to go easy on you next time, Dash Conrad.” Then she winked.
I was too stunned to say anything clever in return, so I said, “I’d never want you to go easy on me just so I can win, Valkyrie.”
She blushed the most beautiful pink shade I’d ever seen. “Valkyrie?”
“You earned this win. You battled for it and you’re over here showing the loser…namely me…some grace even after you won. I’ve seen you race before, and you always do the same in any race you’re in. It’s something that deserves a nickname like Valkyrie. Don’t forget it,” I told her and winked back.
“I’ll never forget. And I’ll certainly never forget you,” she said.
“Please live your life and be happy. I’m letting you go, Valkyrie.
I told you I never wanted anything the easy way.
But I’m keeping the pieces of you you’ve given me so my heart can remember you.
I can’t give those back. And whether you ever intended to steal it or not, you took my heart a long time ago and I want you to keep it so that maybe you can carry a few pieces of me with you too. ”
I pull back and stand up. I must be crying because a tear runs down her face. I wipe it away and whisper, “Push it to the limit, Valkyrie.”