20. CHAPTER 20
20
TYLER
My mind feels detached from my body. I’m floating in a space that’s between a dream and reality. My body feels numb, but also tingles like every nerve ending is being stimulated individually. It's bliss.
I let Ivan fuck my ass. As I repeat those words in my head, my mind starts to slowly come back online, back to earth and all I can hear are those words, mixed in with the memory of how vocal I was. Oh god no. I want to die of shame. That wasn’t me. I’ve never been one to talk dirty or beg for things in the bedroom. I’ve gone from heavenly bliss to wanting the bed to open up and swallow me whole.
“Why are you looking like that?” Ivan says, and for some reason, I hadn’t noticed he was hovering over me, his dick still in my ass which is leaking his cum. More mortification. His cum is in my ass and I loved it. This is a lot of information to process. I can’t tell you how I even got here. From him bringing me home from the bar, to acting like a dick loving whore.
“I’m just tired,” I say as I push him to get off me because this fucker is heavy. His soft dick slips out of me, causing me to wince when I sit up on the edge of the bed. My ass is on fire and feels like it has been ripped open.
“No, I know your tired face. This is different. You’re not looking at me and you’re red around your neck.”
“We just had sex. I’m going to look red and blotchy.”
“No.”
“No?”
He assesses me for a few moments as I get into bed under the sheet, feeling vulnerable as every move I make is captured by the big guy. I can tell when the lightbulb goes off as a huge smile takes over his face.
“You’re embarrassed. Don’t be. Most people scream in my bed.”
I cover my face to hide my shyness at his words. I’m not ashamed of having sex. It’s the way I acted in front of him out of all people.
“I didn’t scream,” I say like a child, my lower lip sticking out.
“You did, but you can pretend otherwise.”
“You’re so annoying,” I mutter, and of course, he hears it.
Ivan covers my body with his and grabs me around the throat.
“I’m all you’ll ever need. But you won’t hide your feelings from me. I only want the truth. I want to know every part of you. I want to be able to know what you think and feel without words.”
He removes his hand from my throat and uses his finger to trace the outline of my jaw, that then moves down to the small cut he made on my chest, before returning to my face. The switch in his behavior from rough to pleasant is sudden, it keeps me on edge but not in fear. Interest. Curiosity, as I want to know about him too. But I’m pretty sure I won’t want to know the true nature of Ivan. As much as he drives me insane, I’ve enjoyed this time with him. The sex. The intimacy. Yes, his words are possessive and intense, but he isn’t hiding his thoughts. Even if they scare me, I can at least appreciate the honesty, as its fucking rare. It's the other side of his life that concerns me. His work. The darkest parts of him that I’m yet to uncover have me wanting to move away, but like a moth to the flame, he’s drawing me in without much effort. He is introducing me to a new world of experiences that I shouldn’t want. But I secretly do. Seb was right. Spending time in this house with these people slowly changes your perception of reality. I’m not as brainwashed as the others are, but if I allow this to continue with Ivan, it won’t be long until I’m part of the crazy club.
As Ivan intently moves his fingers around every part of my face, like he is memorizing every touch, I use the calm moment to prod a little.
“Ivan, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” he says, eyes still following the path of his finger. His touch singes my skin and if I don’t start to ask the questions that are burning my mind, I’ll be ready for another round.
“Your work, I know what happens here isn’t, you know, legal. But…I’ve just been thinking. Do you hurt people?”
He stops his movements and clasps my jaw with his hand, but gently, my lips slightly pursed from the pressure. But I won’t react, as I don’t want to distract him. His brown eyes search mine, scanning for something, but I don’t know what. Does he think I’m untrustworthy? Shit. Am I trustworthy? I don’t even know.
“Yes. And before you ask, yes, I love it, yes I've done it more times than I can count, and yes they all deserved it.”
Okay, that was more blunt than I expected.
“Have you killed anyone?”
He tightens his grip on my jaw, and I’m pretty sure I can feel him getting hard through the sheet. Is this turning him on?
“Are you flirting with me, Ty?”
“No! I just want to know who I’m sleeping with.”
“Hmmm I think I’ve now cracked your lying face. Don’t lie to me again.”
His face darkens with warning before he leans in and licks my lips, before retreating back to the same position and waiting for me to speak.
“Fine. I’m scared and need to know so I can either tell the police or run as far away from here as possible.”
“Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. You already know the answer to your question. But I have one too. What makes you think I will let you leave here once you know all my secrets?”
My breathing turns frantic as he stares right through me, the mask has dropped. Ivan looks like a beast, a beast that would only keep company of the devil. His eyes are black, his face stoic, no emotion or hint of feeling as he watches me. I know I’ve been playing with fire here, but this is the first time I have an actual fear that he may hurt me.
“Are you saying you’d kill me? Kidnap me? Keep me locked up against my will?”
“I wouldn’t kill you, sweetheart. You're the only thing that takes the boredom away. But I won’t have to kidnap you. You’ll never tell on this family.”
“What makes you so sure? You don't know me.”
“Oh but I do. You may not like the bad things that bad guys do, Ty. But you will crave my attention. You’ve been a loner for so long you’ll embrace this family. You’ll eat up the excitement it gives you, because I know you’ve never felt the way I made you feel tonight. So serious. So organized. That wound up brain of yours will become addicted to the chaos and heat we create. You won’t be able to live without me. And I have zero intention of letting you go now that I’ve got you.”
“Stop. You can’t say things like that, like I don’t have a choice,” I whisper.
“Your only way out is death, but you don’t have it in you to end your life. Curiosity will always be a weakness of yours, and I’m happy to feed it. Give you it all.”
He removes his body from mine and gets into bed next to me while I lay there dumbfounded at his little speech and lesson in psychology. His words make me dizzy as I try to dissect each statement to make sense in my head. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m in bed with a killer! Not just a killer…he sounds like a psychopath.
“Sleep. You’ve got work tomorrow.”
“I’m not a child.”
He pulls me into his body until he is wrapped around my back like a shell and I have no room to move. His body is the human form of handcuffs, telling me I’m not leaving. But god, does it feel good. How can someone who’s just offloaded all that information, make me feel safe?
“Sleep, Ty.”
I take a deep sigh and go somewhere else in my mind, where this is make believe. Where I’m wrapped up in the arms of a hottie who isn’t this family mafia guy, he’s a…I don’t know, an accountant, or a mechanic who does honest work but can throw me around the bedroom. I can pretend. For now.
A shrill sound wakes me from a peaceful sleep that I would prefer to stay in. As I slowly open my eyes and snuggle deeper into the soft pillow beneath my head, it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am. Black bed sheets, Ivan’s smell imbedded into the sheets, my sore ass. Wow. It wasn’t a dream. He’s a killer. No, shut up voice in my head, I’m not going there, especially while I’m on their turf. The last thing I need is an anxiety attack while surrounded by all things mortally evil. I look to the other side of the bed, which is empty, and a sinking feeling of disappointment hits my gut like a lead weight. Was everything he said bullshit? Has he fucked me and left me now that he got what he wanted? Subjecting me to the horror of leaving here like a discarded one night stand?
I rub my hands over my face to wake myself up, and decide to take things one step at a time. I wince as I stand at the sting in my asshole as I gently walk to the bathroom, trying to ignore the wet feeling in my destroyed ass. His cum. I’ve no idea where Ivan is, but I’m not leaving this room without a shower. Hopefully nobody will notice I’ve stayed overnight and that I’ll be wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
I turn on the light in the bathroom and take in the beautiful marble tiles and chrome fittings. The shower is a large glass box with enough room for four adults. This is wealth at its finest. Murder pays. I take the quickest shower known to man, as I don’t want to be found in here by Ivan. I wash as much of him off me as I can, until I feel like the fake innocent version of myself. I dry myself off on the large white cotton towel and quickly dress into my used clothes. My hair is damp, but I style it with one of the many brushes Ivan owns. His hair product collection is impressive. I’ve still not seen him with his hair down, and now that I’m thinking about it, I want to see it.
Making sure I have all my belongings with me, I stick my head out of the door to check nobody is around and sneak out as quietly as I can. When I get to the top of the stairs, I peek over the banister to check nobody is in the entrance hall. The voices I can hear seem to be coming from the kitchen, and if I’m quick, I can slip out of the front door unnoticed. That plan goes down the shitter, because as soon as my foot hits the last step, Simon—who I’ve seen a few times since starting here—appears in front of me with a punchable grin on his face, knowing this is the walk of shame. I sag my shoulders in defeat and wait for whatever jibe he has. He stands for a moment with his hands in his pocket before taking a step close. He really is a sexy guy. Black hair, brown eyes. He has this sensual Mediterranean look to him. I wonder if he’s gay too.
“Naughty architect. Let me guess whose bed you stayed in last night,” he teases, waggling his eyebrows. I’ve never seen him smile or really talk. Why are all the guys here unnerving? It's like the house of multiple personalities…not including Seb or Kai.
“You know where and I’d appreciate you not telling anyone else. I've got a job to do and I don't want Dima and Lev thinking I’m unprofessional.”
“Ha! They would’ve been expecting this. Don’t worry about anyone here. Nobody judges. Trust me.”
The word trust in this house feels like it's mocking me.
“Where is Ivan?”
“Did he leave you all alone? I’d dump his ass for that.”
“Maybe I will, but I need to know where he is first.”
“He’s in the gym. Go down the hallway past Dima’s office, it's the last door on the left. Be warned though, D and Lev don't like people fucking in there.”
“Oh my god, do any of you have boundaries?” I say, sighing with exhaustion at this exchange.
“No. See ya later, architect.”
“My name is Tyler.”
“I know,” he says before turning around and heading out the door. Fucking lunatics, all of them should be locked away.
I make my way to the gym and open the door to a huge, open plan space, with about every piece of equipment imaginable. Walking inside, I can hear the sound of my own heart beating as the dimly lit space hums with the sound of clanking metal, but my focus in the room is him—his muscular frame highlighted by the soft glow of a single overhead light. His full torso on bare display, the V of his groin defined into sharp lines down to the black basketball shorts that cling to those large muscular thighs. Sweat glistens on his tanned, tattooed skin as he grips the heavy weights with effortless strength. His hair a disarray of mess, falling out of its bun, sticking to his sweaty neck. I’m fascinated with each lift, his biceps rippling under the strain, veins snaking along his forearms, a powerful rhythmic motion that draws the eye in. He doesn’t rush his movements, savoring each controlled rep as if he were testing the limits of his own body. His gaze is distant, focused, dangerously intense. His lips slightly parted, his chest rising and falling with every controlled breath. He truly is a masterpiece to look at. It seems stupid now that I would ever not see him as the man he showed himself to be last night, a savage beast. An unapologetic monster.
When he finishes his last rep, he sets the weights down with a thud, his eyes looking up and meeting mine just for a moment, dark and unyielding as though he claimed me as effortlessly as he had lifted those weights. Maybe he has.
“I must say you do wonders for my ego, Ty.”
“You really do love yourself, don’t you?”
“Love? No. I don’t do that. But I’m confident in myself. No shame in that.”
“You don’t do love?”
“No. How can I feel something when I don’t know what it is?” he shrugs as he grabs a hand towel, and wipes his face.
“You’re an interesting guy, Ivan.”
The air thickens as the silence stretches and I try to remember why I came down here. If I don’t talk soon, I know Ivan will pounce on me, as he is already inching closer like a lion in the wild.
“I forgot to tell you something yesterday. The guy who took my picture here the other day approached me at my apartment. He must have followed me. He said he was a cop… I didn’t know whether to believe him as he had no ID.”
There's a seismic shift in the atmosphere. Ivan’s whole demeanor alters to a cold vicious presence. His nostrils flare as he stomps over to me and grabs my shoulders, holding me in place.
“Tim followed you? What did he want?”
“Yeah, that was it. Tim. He warned me about the brothers and said he wanted to put them away. I told him to leave as I didn’t think it was normal for a cop to be stalking me. Do I need to worry?”
“Timmy doesn’t have it in him to hurt you. He’s a pussy with a big mouth. If you see him again, you call me immediately, got it?”
“Yeah.”
I look down at the ground, mulling over what Ivan said last night along with what Tim said the other night. Ivan grabs my chin and forces me to look at him.
“Am I gonna have to lock you up, sweetheart? Hmm?” he says as he uses his other hand to rub his thumb over my lower lip. The right thing to do is to tell the police what’s happening here, so why am I battling with myself? His hold on me tightens the longer I remain silent.
“Answer the fucking question, Ty. You gonna be the hero? Rat out the family that have welcomed you?”
“N...No. I’m not going to say anything. I promise.”
“Good. Life is gonna be so good for you, Ty. Here, with me. Nothing getting in the way. You will have the world if you just let go of the idea of right and wrong.”
“Okay,” I whisper. What am I saying? A spell has been cast on me, believing everything he says.
“You belong here, Ty. With me. It's always been your fate,” he whispers, and I shudder at his words.
“On your knees,” he says, and I momentarily freeze.
“I want you to suck my cock, Ty. An apology for thinking even for a second of leaving and colluding with those dirty rats.”
“You really are crazy aren’t you?”
“I told you I was, and don’t pretend you don’t like it.”
“How do you know I like it? You keep talking like you’re in my head and know what I’m thinking.”
“Because a normal person with morals would've walked away from this job on the first day. A normal person would not put themselves in danger for a job. They would leave. You could have left, but you didn’t. Do you know why?”
“Why?” I ask so softly, I’m unsure if the words came out. I’m so lightheaded, like he has put me in a trance, feeling unbalanced.
“Because you’re drawn to it. The dark. The danger. You want to play with fire to see if it burns you. It excites you. Just let go, Ty.”
Oh my god. Is he right? How did any of that make sense? What the hell is happening to my brain right now? Where is sensible Tyler? The logical guy who sees everything in black and white.
“Knees, sweetheart.”
“What if someone comes in?”
“Then they can either watch or leave.”
I drop to my knees dressed in my expensive suit in this sweaty gym, and pull down Ivan’s shorts where his throbbing and eager cock awaits me. I can’t lie. I’m dying for a taste of my first dick.