Chapter 8
Ulysses
Where was I? Who was I? The answers to those questions no longer seemed important.
Was I dreaming? I had to be, because this wasn’t something I did.
Invite strangers into my bed? Certainly not, not even when I had an itch to scratch.
Grumpy, broody, rugged gods who didn’t trust me?
Not a chance! It didn’t matter how sexy they were, that kind of risk was not in my repertoire.
But since it was a dream… maybe I could indulge in the fantasy for a little while longer.
He was skilled with that tongue of his, as it slipped past my lips, stroking through my mouth with bold swipes.
I whimpered, clinging to him, and even though I was the one on top, he was the one in control.
His callused hands roved down my bare back, nails lightly scraping my sensitive flesh, until he reached the waistband of my boxers.
They paused, as though considering… Over? Or under?
Under, I thought with all my might. Go under! This was my dream, dammit, and I refused to wake up until after we got to the good stuff.
As though obeying my direction, his fingertips dipped under the elastic, squeezing one whole ass cheek in each palm and using them to direct me, back and forth over that hard bulge beneath me. Oh fuck, this dream was going to be over far too quickly if he kept that up.
Digging my fingers into those lush red curls of his, I devoured him far more thoroughly than any purging I’d ever performed. Instead of drawing out his sin, it felt like I was trying to crawl inside him to live under his skin.
Growling, Ruadan clamped one arm around my waist and flipped us like I weighed nothing, so that I was under him, his solid weight pressing me into the mattress as he settled between my thighs.
I tried to hook my legs around his waist, but the blanket was tangled around them, as though I’d been thrashing in my sleep.
I kicked, trying to detangle myself, but Ruadan chuckled as he pinned my wrists up over my head, thoroughly enjoying having me at his mercy.
“What’s the matter, sin-eater? Not up for a dose of your own medicine?” His beard rasped against my skin as he worked his way down my jaw, sucking at my throat.
His words seemed to penetrate the lust-fueled haze, and I frowned, blinking hard in the darkness, trying to clear my head. “Wait, what medicine?”
“You pinned me down, and now it’s my turn to return the favor.
Though I promise you’ll like it when I choke you.
” With my wrists still pinned above my head in one of his hands, he drags the other hand down my arm and settled it over my throat, his thumb pressing in just enough to make my head swim, so that when he rolled his hips, the pleasure was all I could feel as it dragged me down.
The sound I made was fifty shades of feral.
“I don’t ever want to wake up,” I mumbled, going liquid under his touch.
“This is no dream, Uly. Not anymore,” he said, his lips tickling my collarbone, before he dragged the flat of his tongue all the way up to my earlobe, nipping it sharply.
My eyes flew open, suddenly far too awake.
To his credit, as soon as I went statue still beneath him, he drew back, and whatever he saw on my face had him releasing my throat and my wrists.
I scrambled out from under him, shoving him away until he was kneeling at the foot of the bed.
We were both panting, and awake or not, the urge remained, the darkness inside urging me to bite and claw and claim.
“Not a dream?” I repeated.
“I’m sorry. I thought—” He shook his head, then scraped a hand down his face, sighing, and I swore I did everything in my power not to ogle the massive hard-on his boxer briefs did absolutely nothing to hide.
I even almost managed not to peek at the crown, flushed red and damp with precum, that had managed to evade its constraints above the waistline.
“Mind telling me what that was?” he asked, his accent stronger than it was last night.
“You tell me. You started it,” I snapped, forcing my eyes back up to his, blushing fiercely as I cupped my hands over my junk, which was in much the same state as his.
His jaw snapped open, apparently offended. “I didn’t do anything! You were having a nightmare. I just came in here to wake you, and you tried to kill me—or fuck me, I’m a little unclear on which.”
“If that was me trying to kill you, maybe I should try harder,” I muttered.
He arched an eyebrow at me. “I can’t decide if that’s a threat or a pick-up line. Either way, I say bring it on.”
We glared at each other for a moment, before the unexpected humor of the situation seemed to catch up. His lips twitched as he held back a grin, and a tiny snort slipped out from my lips. Just like that, we ended up both laughing, the tension between us loosening.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I tried to kill you,” I offered. “I’m sure I didn’t mean anything by it.”
He shrugged. “What’s a little choking between friends,” he said casually, though I suspected he was downplaying what really happened.
I couldn’t have actually hurt the god, surely.
Even without shifting, he probably had a hundred pounds on me.
It would’ve been so easy to overpower me, and yet I was the one on top.
“Are we?” I asked, watching him. “Friends, I mean.”
He shrugged. “Sure. I don’t typically stick my tongue inside my enemies.”
“Good to know,” I said with a smirk. I was so confused by how we’d gotten here, but I couldn’t entirely be mad about it.
My smile slowly died on my lips as I shook off the last vestiges of sleep.
“I wonder what I was dreaming about…” I tried to wade back into memories of sleep, but everything before kissing Ruadan had been obliterated by those damn lips.
I cleared my throat. “Well, I don’t know about you, but there’s no way I’m getting back to sleep.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to… clean myself up.
” I couldn’t look him in the eye as I eased off the bed, still sporting a stubborn hard-on, poorly hidden by my hands.
“Thank you, Ruadan, for… well, for waking me.” Couldn’t very well thank him for all the other things he’d done.
He glanced up at me through his long lashes, careful to keep his eyes up. “Call me Rue. You know… since we’re friends and all.” His smile was all mischief, and I offered my own shy smile in return.
“Okay. Rue.” I slunk out of the room, a little embarrassed and unsure of everything that had happened.
I closed myself into the sanctity of my tiny bathroom, with its comforting blue tiles and matching sink.
Catching sight of myself in the mirror from the corner of my eye, I jolted in shock.
There were still too many signs of the sin I’d purged.
My skin was too pale, eyes bloodshot with black veins instead of red.
But my gaze was drawn to the marks Rue had left on my body, evidence of what we almost did—whisker burn down my neck, a love bite on my collarbone.
I shut my eyes tight. “Fuck.”
Spinning away from my reflection, I reached past the shower curtain and cranked on the water to a temperature far colder than normal.
Dream or not, I was severely regretting putting a stop to things when I did.
Things were already awkward between us; would it really have been worse if I’d let us both finish before asking questions?
Cursing what could’ve been, I stepped under the frigid spray and grabbed the soap.
Shivering so hard my teeth chattered did nothing to ease the frustration I felt.
“Fuck,” I hissed, staring down at my dick, which was staring right back up at me.
I was going to have to do something about that, or I’d be walking back out there with the evidence of how worked up I was written all over me.
I had no idea how long I would be roped into working with Ruadan—Rue, I corrected myself with a fond smile—but it would go a lot easier for both of us if I didn’t have blue balls.
So, after adjusting the temperature of the water and lathering up with the soap, I closed my eyes and got to work.
It felt almost shameful, jerking myself off when there was someone else in the apartment, but at least it wouldn’t take long.
It had been far too long since I had a lover.
Life was easier without all the complications that came with romantic attachments—the lies and manipulations, the cheating and betrayal. But a man had needs.
It took no time at all to recall the way he’d kissed me, his tongue and teeth and lips as he licked and bit his way down my neck.
I imagined what that sinful mouth of his could do around my cock instead.
He wouldn’t bite me there, I hoped, but as I pulled my hand roughly up my length, I decided the scrape of his teeth on my shaft would be a nice addition to the image I painted.
My shower was so small, he would barely fit on his knees before me, but in this fantasy, we would make it work.
I didn’t bother trying to be quiet. In fact, I imagined he was out there right now, taking care of his own little problem.
It wasn’t like he expected me to be a saint.
In fact, I hoped he was enjoying the show, as my mewls grew louder, more desperate.
He’d felt so thick, grinding against me, I just knew he’d stretch me to my limit.
Thrusting faster into my fist, the steam perfumed with my slick, I found myself holding my breath, remembering how he’d choked me—gently, tenderly, like I’d mattered, and even if we didn’t trust each other, for some reason, in that moment, I’d trusted him to take care of me.
“Shit, Rue, yes,” I moaned as my balls clenched, painting the tiled wall with my cum.
As my blood pressure dropped in the aftermath, I reached over to turn the water back to cold, letting it cool the fire that still burned in my veins.
I looked down at my dick, spent and softening. It was enough—for now—though I had a sneaking suspicion that this was going to be my new nightly ritual. Draining myself dry so I could get a good night’s sleep. Maybe that was what my nightmare was about, being unsatisfied.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could set aside our differences, even just for a night?
Maybe we could just work this out of systems and be done with it.
“Gods, I wish I could…” My words trailed off as it triggered some sort of distant awareness inside me.
Wishes… Cold realization shot through me as I bolted out of the shower, slapping the water off behind me.
Electric panic made me clumsy, and I fumbled to wrap a towel around my waist before I ran out in search of Rue.