Chapter 18
Alex
T he sun beat down on them as they lay sprawled on their towels.
It’d been a long ferry ride to Koh Tao, and when the rest of their newly established travel group had decided to get straight to exploring the island, Alex and Noa chose, instead, to really soak up the island lifestyle with a beach day.
Alex couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt as relaxed as he did in that moment.
Well, as long as he kept his eyes averted from the dangerous brunette beside him.
He suspected she’d picked that bikini just to torment him and, boy, was it working.
Every time he chanced a glance across at her—her sun-kissed skin dotted with freckles, her glorious tits only partially hidden under a flimsy piece of pink fabric that would be so easy to pull away—he had to repress a groan.
Sweat glistened on her skin from the scorching heat and humidity, and every time her scent caught on the warm gentle breeze, his heartbeat kicked up a notch.
A perfect mixture of salty and sweet from her coconut-scented suncream that drove him just as crazy as the sight of her.
So, he tried not to look. Her pink bikini strings were tied in a perfect bow, and he knew that tugging one would be like unwrapping a gift.
But, instead of letting his mind linger on that dangerous thought, he closed his eyes while he lay there, avoiding the temptation and listening to the sounds of the waves dancing on the shore and the occasional flick of the pages of Noa’s book.
He felt a peacefulness he knew he’d always be chasing.
The whole day went on much like that. The two of them enjoying each other’s quiet company, drinking fresh coconuts from the various cafés on the beach, and taking in the beauty around them.
The glistening cerulean sea licked at the shore of white, powdery sand before retreating back into an endless expanse.
It would be hard to tell where the sea ended and the bright, endlessly blue sky began if it wasn’t for the surrounding islands in the distance, a fading hue in the background.
Colourful wooden fishing boats lined the beach, swaying palm trees towering above them. The whole thing looked like a postcard.
As the day slipped into evening and the sun started to retreat below the horizon, bathing them in a warm golden glow, Alex and Noa decided to head to get some dinner.
They made their way along the beach toward the nearest restaurant and took their seats.
This felt a far cry from the cold shoulder he’d been afforded the past few days, and he was relieved for it.
Once they had made their orders of coconut curries and papaya salad, beers in hand, Alex saw this as his opportunity to finally get to know the woman Noa had become after all these years.
The conversation came easily, and they soon slipped into old habits of bad jokes and playful ribbing.
He asked her questions about her job back in London, such as where she’d lived whilst she’d been there.
But, not knowing if they were that kind of friends yet, he carefully avoided the topic of her ex altogether.
If she wanted to tell him about it, then she would.
He’d listen and be there for her if she needed that, even if the thought of Noa with another man made him want to peel himself from his own skin and had his fists clenching at his sides.
As they watched the fire show on the beach beside them, Alex kept snatching glances in her direction.
The smile that took over Noa’s entire face as she watched the show was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
He could watch her all night. He took this opportunity whilst she was distracted to really take her in.
They were close enough that he could see every freckle, like a constellation of stars across her tanned face, and just as striking.
He wanted to count them. She was more beautiful than he even remembered, her eyes so blue they were piercing, reminding him of the lake back home on a sunny day when the sun reflects off it.
They were endless pools of blue, and it would be easy to get lost in them.
As his eyes trailed down, he was yet again reminded of the fact that she was definitely not the young girl he remembered her to be, and quickly averted his eyes back up to her face to avoid the bulge threatening to swell in his pants.
But that was a mistake, because as entrancing as her body was, her rosy cheeks, button nose that he wanted to brush with his, and her full, plump, pink lips, which were the star of the show.
She was all woman. And she was breathtaking. Captivating.
In a friendly way, obviously. Because friends could notice the effortless beauty of another without it meaning anything. She could never be anything else. Ryan’s sister . He ran those words over again and again in his mind. God, you’re screwed , he thought.
Catching him staring, she turned to him and covered her mouth, her shoulders rising self-consciously.
‘Have I got something in my teeth?’
‘No,’ he replied.
‘Then, why are you staring at me?’
‘It’s hard not to,’ he replied easily and without a thought, but quickly corrected himself. ‘You’re in my line of sight.’
He thought he saw a disappointed look on her face for a moment before she’d righted herself.
Not wanting her to shut back down again after the progress of the day, he tried to keep her talking.
‘So how did you end up here?’ he asked.
‘At this point in my life, or in Thailand?’ she chuckled. ‘Because I don’t think you’re ready for the former. Even my counsellor isn’t paid enough to hear my answer to that one.’
She was being self-deprecating, and he didn’t like it.
‘I’d listen to anything you wanted to tell me, so the answer to either one is fine,’ he answered honestly.
He could tell he’d caught her off guard because she went quiet for a moment. He knew the alcohol they’d been drinking had made them both more forthcoming with each other, and he was enjoying this relaxed side of her that let her inhibitions and her guard slip for just a little bit .
‘I made a list. A ‘30 before 30’ list, to be exact. It may sound silly to you, but I feel like I’ve just woken up from a really long dream and realised my life’s passing me by and there are so many more things I want to do with it.’
Alex chuckled because nothing sounded more like her.
She rolled her eyes, and he could see her walls closing around her again just a little bit.
‘I knew you’d find it silly and wouldn’t understand,’ she mumbled.
‘Who said I don’t understand? I don’t find it silly, Noa. It’s just that, even though so much has changed, you are still the same you at heart, lists and all.’
She was a planner, a control freak as much as him and, though life didn’t always fit into a list, he wouldn’t tell her that. Alex knew that feeling, that sense of control, stopped her spiralling thoughts and had always brought her some peace.
He’d seen her fight to find that mental peace when they were younger and, suddenly, every instinct in him wanted to do everything to help her keep it. Even if that meant helping her tick off everything on that damn list.
Some time had passed, but Alex couldn’t help asking, ‘Can I see it?’
‘What?’
‘The list. Can I see it?’
Noa looked embarrassed for a moment, and it was adorable.
‘You really want to?’
‘I wouldn’t ask otherwise.’
She bit her cheek, clearly mulling that over for a few moments before pulling out the notes app on her phone and handing it over. Alex skimmed the list, quickly copied it over to her messages, sent it to himself, and deleted the thread .
He was thrown back to when they were sixteen, when they’d talk for hours about her dreams for the future.
This list was so unmistakably Noa, and he could almost hear the thoughts in her head when she’d written it.
Because she’d voiced them to him once. And, just like then, he wanted her to have everything she desired in life, all the things that would make her smile.
Because, damn, could that smile light up the whole world.
She deserved a life spent happy and fulfilled.
They’d once talked about her counting the stars one day.
He never would he have dreamed that they’d be sitting here today with those words written on a list. Who had her ex-boyfriend been that he hadn’t done that with her?
Or insisted that she grab the things she wanted for herself.
The thought of him made Alex irrationally angry, and he had to quickly shut down the road his mind was travelling down.
He handed Noa’s phone back over to her, nodding at her before turning his head back to the fire show. She watched him inquisitively for a second before doing the same.
As the night continued, they ventured back into more light-hearted conversation before heading back to their new hostel for the night.
Noa was in a shared dorm with Lola again, and Alex walked her to the door before wishing her goodnight and heading to his own.
Before getting into bed, he mulled over their conversation in his head, finally settling on something.
He had a new goal for the foreseeable future: help Noa with that list.