Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
HARMONY
Harmony flung her suitcase on the hotel bed and began shoving clothes inside. Thanks to their afternoon tryst yesterday, her sheets smelled of Preston’s soap, and she’d lain awake half the night running their argument through her head, again and again. She had to get out of here, not because of Zach and Travis and fraud charges, but because she couldn’t take another day trapped in this room with memories of her and Preston before her lies ruined everything.
Shoes, makeup bag, laptop. Not much, easy to be gone. No more bringing problems into Preston’s life. She didn’t need to stick around here to be made to feel like shit. Everywhere she went, all she had to do was flash her smile and people gave her whatever she wanted. Why had she ever thought of leaving that life?
She pulled open the nightstand to grab her last few things, but a book rested on top of her lip balm and earbuds.
Harmony lifted a green leather-bound copy of Leaves of Grass from the drawer and sat with a thump on the edge of the bed. Her fingers traced the gold embossing, then opened the book to Preston’s careful, terrible handwriting on the endpaper.
Harmony—
“That music always round me, unceasing, unbeginning, yet long untaught I did not hear,
But now the chorus I hear and am elated.”
—P
How dare he. Now she was trying not to cry again . Because she knew exactly what he meant. Only once she’d been with Preston had she realized how much she’d been wanting this, all of this, but couldn’t admit it. Getting together with Zach had been part of that, looking for something that might last longer than the alias she wore that month. How she’d stopped finding hookups ever since. Only with Preston did she learn how much more there was to want, how it could feel to let herself be seen, as she was, all of her. Only with him had she hoped, maybe, someday, to be loved for it.
For such a long time she’d told herself she only wanted revenge—building up her chance to take down Travis for her dad, building up her accounts like those numbers would prove her worth, and his worth, that she could still have what he’d always dreamed of for them.
But she’d made her promise to him when she’d been that angry young Harmony, younger even than Jordan. And the truth was, if she focused on getting back at Travis, she never had to think about losing her dad.
He was gone, and nothing Harmony did to Travis would change that. What would her dad, for all his big dreams and big talk, really want for her? To destroy Travis? Or to find a life she loved and live it well? He’d named her Harmony, but she’d ended up so solitary for so long.
It didn’t matter now. Forget getting whatever she wanted handed to her, she couldn’t beg her way now into what she needed . Preston had sent her away. The music was over.
A knock at her door startled her. She tucked the book beside her on the bed and considered not answering. It could be Zach. Or the police.
It could be Preston.
She checked the peephole, and opened the door. “Dani. Thank god. If you’re here for vengeance, I will happily walk into your kiln myself.”
The woman barked a laugh. “No, honey. I wanted to check on you, because I wasn’t sure you had anyone to do that.” She shoved a small casserole dish into Harmony’s hands. “Ziti. Heartbreak requires carbs.”
More tears threatened to rain all over the ziti. Harmony drifted backward until she bumped into the bed and sat again. She set down the dish before she could drop it.
Dani followed inside and leaned on the desk. “That bad, huh?”
“Preston told you? How did you know—” Harmony swallowed down a knot of tears and probably disgusting mucus. Ugh, feelings. “How did you know it was heartbreak? He thinks I was lying, and even before that, we were just casual.”
Dani let out a sympathetic sigh through her nose. “You may be a great big liar, but I’ve seen you around Preston. No one’s that good an actress. And Preston’s never been casual about a damn thing.” She crossed her arms. “Now look, I meant what I said that time. You were good for him. Not my place, maybe, to tell you this, but I’ve known Preston his whole life, and that boy needed shaking up.”
“Well, I think I managed that,” Harmony said miserably. The memory of Preston’s distraught face was going to stick with her no matter where she drove off to.
“The question is,” Dani said, with a pointed look at the suitcase behind Harmony, “what are you going to do now? Sometimes you have to start over. Maybe run from things. Maybe take what you have and try again with it.”
Harmony pressed a palm onto the leather cover of the book. “He wants me to go away.”
“That’s what he wants?” Dani’s tone was a challenge. But of course he did. Sometime close to midnight Harmony had gotten up the nerve to text him, asking if Lacey was all right, and he’d replied at once with a curt Yes followed by You should leave town , and Please just after that. She couldn’t bring herself to respond to that with any of the explanations she’d been hoping to share. Excuses. Just more talk. Preston had seen the real her and couldn’t stand being in the same town with her anymore.
At her silence, Dani shrugged. “As much as he likes to think he can control everything if he just tries and worries hard enough, Preston is not actually in charge of the world. So what about you? What do you want, Harmony Whatever?”
She wanted to stop running—from her actions, from her own fears of not being enough. She wanted to do real good. But for that to happen, she was going to have to be real. Be herself. And that meant facing the harm she’d caused. With more than talk.
Jail wasn’t exactly the more permanent home she’d been aiming for, but maybe it was where she needed to start, if she was serious about making amends and creating a different kind of life for herself.
Bracketed by book and pasta, Harmony made her choice.
It would be her greatest challenge yet. And she’d always loved a challenge.