Chapter 14
Chapter fourteen
Warner – Step by Step
It was past time to check in with my boy. When I got to the lunch table, I sat beside him, squishing in between him and Joey. “How are you feeling? Ready for the parade tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sure.” He was acting like nothing happened, but even though I was having fun on this trip, his running away was overshadowing that for me.
I had to get to the bottom of it. There was no waiting any longer, so after we ate, I pulled him aside for our private talk.
Apparently, this was overdue, and since my job was to make sure my boy was happy and healthy, I felt like I’d failed him.
We walked around looking for a private spot, and when no one was at the pavilion, we stopped there. I held Cody’s hand up and kissed his knuckles. “You know I love you more than anything.”
“I love you too, Warner.” Uh-oh. He was fully in adult mode. Well, maybe that was for the best for this conversation.
“Good.” I sat on a bench and pulled him into my lap. “I was really worried when you disappeared like that. It wasn’t just me, either. You worried Joey and Vince, and what do you think Royce thought?”
Cody sighed. “I apologized to Royce. It wasn’t nice, but he’s okay with it.”
“True, but it cost him time and money, and now he can’t let his friend borrow the car like he’d planned.”
Cody bit that bottom lip, looking years younger than he was.
Though in truth, he was young, nearly ten years younger than me.
Normally, I didn’t think about that age difference, but maybe that was part of our problem right now.
My biological clock was going off, and he still hadn’t figured out he had one.
“It’s okay, Cody, but there are consequences to your actions. Always. I feel like you didn’t think about that. What if Royce had called the cops or sued you?”
Cody gasped. “He’s not?”
“No, I don’t think so.” He’d given Cody the keys, after all, but that wasn’t my point. “But you still shouldn’t have done that. You should have come to talk to me. If you needed to go, I would have worked it out, and not in the middle of the night without telling anyone.”
“I-I know.” He sniffled a little. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Bingo. There was my little. Or at least part of him.
“So why did you do that?”
And the tears started rolling down his cheeks, breaking my heart. “I don’t trust you.”
How had I screwed up this badly? “What? Since when?” What had changed to make him say such things?
“I heard you tell them my secrets. You shouldn’t tell people about me unless I say it’s okay.”
“Cody. Everyone already knew that. Most of them have been to our house or to the club.” They’d seen him in the little room. “You haven’t been hiding this. What’s really going on?”
“You want to get married and have kids and live happily ever after, and I’m not against that, but I don’t know what I want right now, and you were telling everyone that you want me to stay home and change diapers.
” He started squirming. The truth was in there somewhere, even if he had the specific examples mixed up.
“Cody.” I kissed the side of his head. “I was just excited about having a future with you. Don’t you know that?”
“I’m not. I mean, I’m scared. And…hearing about the family stuff was what really did it.
All those expectations, but I’m not good with family stuff.
Hell, the family I have is hard enough.” He didn’t talk about his family a lot, and I had only met them once, but I wasn’t impressed with them.
Particularly Kirby, who only cared about partying and getting laid.
He’d called Cody to come pick him up from clubs at three in the morning because he was drunk. No thank you.
I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking, not what I thought about it. “Why is that hard?”
“They’re so competitive, and I can never win. One of them is always there doing better, winning more, whatever…”
“Is that true?” When he was being overdramatic, he tended to exaggerate, and I needed to ferret out where the line was between the two in this case.
“Mostly. It’s not so bad now, but when we were growing up, it was.” Cody was in the middle with two older and two younger siblings, which was much different than how I grew up. Maybe I had a hard time relating to what it was like for him.
“Well, our family can be whatever we want, not what we had in the past. My family wasn’t ever there for me.
I was a loner for a long time, learning how to take care of myself at a very young age.
I never felt like I had anyone who actually cared about me in my life until I met Crow.
So, I kind of want to have something more.
We both have a lot of love to give to some kids who need it.
We could start with fostering, maybe elementary or middle school.
I don’t know. That doesn’t have to be anytime soon.
It depends on what we want. Together. Not just me. ”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I sensed his brain churning, so I gave him the space. I didn’t know where it was going until he asked, “Did you mean it that I’d be a good dad to our kids?”
“Of course. You’d be the best. But we don’t have to even talk about that right now, though. That’s still a long way off. We take this in our own time, step by step.”
“And step two is moving in with you?”
“Yes. I think so, but don’t feel pressured, baby. If that’s tomorrow or next week, or next year. It doesn’t matter. I love you all the same.”
“Okay then.”
“Okay, what?”
He turned in my arms to straddle me and leaned against my chest. “I’ll move in with you. But. Like you said. In my time.”
I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but I also wasn’t going to ask for clarification.
Nope, I’d accept it for what it was. “Okay, Cody. Whatever you need.” I rubbed his back and let him breathe for a moment.
At least we’d come to an agreement of sorts, which was good enough for me.
“Let’s let the rest of this go for now and just have fun on the trip. Sound good?”
“Oh, yes. I’m so ‘cited. Yes!” He leaned back, wiggling around, and I wrapped my arms around his waist so he wouldn’t fall.
“The parade is gonna be so fun. I’ve never been to Key West. And it’s a night parade.
I’ve only been to Tampa and St. Pete, which were both during the day.
And it was so hot out.” It was a relief to hear Cody slip so easily back into little headspace with his worries forgotten, at least temporarily.
“I’m sure it was. It’ll be nice tomorrow.”
“Yeah, it’ll be great.” He squirmed around until he had his feet back on the ground. “I have an idea.”
“What’s that?” I pulled him closer, so he stood between my knees and put his arms around my neck.
Cody leaned in and whispered. “We need make up sexy time, Daddy.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes!” He threw an arm in the air. “Race you to the tent.” Then he took off.
And I followed. Hell, I’d follow that boy anywhere.