Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
AUDRY
A fter a long shower, I changed into a pair of black jeans, a novelty t-shirt and a beanie. We packed up the apartment and got on the road, all before noon. As I watched the scenery pass by, I let myself get mired down with regret. Marco was my only connection to Amy. What if I’d blown my last chance to find out where I was from, and who I was?
You already know who you are. The voice in my head sounded suspiciously like James’s. My stepfather was not a fan of introspection. In fact, he would have been quite happy to do away with feelings of any kind altogether.
I tried my best to emulate him but really, at the end of the day, all I ended up doing is denying my feelings. That I was even acknowledging that was new for me. When James adopted me at thirteen years of age, the first thing he said was. “Forget the past. It doesn’t matter. From now on, only think about things that are of advantage to you.”
It was hard at first, but I learned fast, thanks to Benjamin. James pitted us against each other from the jump and I hadn’t been there a month when he declared that he was going to take only one of us to Disneyland and he’d decide in a month, depending on who brought home the best grades in mathematics.
My schooling up until then had been spotty and so Benjamin won the challenge easily. He then gave Benjamin a choice; go on only half the rides and we’d take me along, or go on every ride, but I stay home. He chose the latter.
James was so proud of him.
It taught me a valuable lesson that I never forgot. Ain’t nobody going to watch your back, so you better find a way to do it yourself. That was why I didn’t really get why I was so in my feelings about this. Even if Amy was a relative of mine, she’d been dead for ten years. Whoever her family was, clearly, they never looked for me.
So why the fuck should I even care who they are?
It was a good pep talk and I wish it worked but it didn’t. All I could think was that I’d severed the last connection between Amy and me and I didn’t know if I would ever have the chance to get to know more.
It. Doesn’t. Matter.
We drew into the parking lot of Kylie’s apartment. She stopped the van and looked at me. “Are you coming in?”
I shook my head and spread my lips in the parody of a smile. “I just want to go home and sleep in my bed.”
“I hear that.” She handed me the keys and stepped out, leaving me with one last wave. I drove off, parking the van at a shopping mall near my apartment and locking it securely. At the back of the van was our computer lab where things were ticking along swimmingly. It was the best way to conceal our location – by keeping it mobile.
I walked home, my feet dragging on the pavement, my mind still back at the estate. I wondered what Marco was doing. He had probably already discovered my treachery. Was he mad? Did he feel betrayed?
“Of course he does.” I murmured to myself as I turned into my split-level apartment. Nobody knew about this house, not even James. It was my sanctuary, where I came to get away from the world. Where I could just be little orphan Audry, she of no family and few friends, rather than Audry Martin, con artiste in training.
I unlocked the door and stepped in, taking a deep breath and letting my shoulders drop as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it, shutting my eyes and just breathed. My mind was swirling with confusion and anxiety.
Maybe even regret.
I realized that I wanted to be back at the compound, waking up at ten, wearing the clothes Marco bought me, and looking forward to verbally sparring with him. I knew very well why I’d left. For one thing, looking forward to verbally sparring with a man was not in my future plans. It was the stupidest thing I could possibly do. One minute you’re trading barbs, the next you have your legs in the air and he’s pounding you into the mattress, you blink, and you’re a barefoot and pregnant mistress, following a man around and wondering who he’s cheating on you with.
No thanks.
I straightened up and walked to the living room, looking around my apartment like it was a strange place. Hopelessness made my shoulders droop, and I felt a bleakness that darkened my vision, making the room seem dim and unwelcoming.
“I can find out about Amy by myself. I have the resources.” I said out loud, just to dispel the sadness that was trying to take me over. “I don’t need anyone to help me with that.”