Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Raya
Present day
Engaged.
I have a sister who is engaged.
I know that’s supposed to make the parents feel old, but it sure does something to older sisters with no prospects too.
Today is Poppy and Dallas’s engagement party, and while I’m ecstatic for my sister, I didn’t realize until I was getting ready to leave my house that showing up here alone is a unique kind of awful.
I shift the rearview mirror so I can see more of my face and pull a lipstick from my bag. Before I apply it, I give myself a stern look and say, “This is not about you, Raya.”
And it’s not. I know it. I’m not selfish . . . just lonely.
I wish there weren’t so many events where you’re really supposed to have a plus-one. It’s like finding a prom date once every few months, and that was stressful enough the first time.
I cap the lipstick, tuck it in my bag, and open the door of my Altima.
“Fancy meeting you here.”
I glance up and see Finn standing beside my car, dressed in neatly tailored dress pants, a blue button-down, and matching tie. Even I can admit the man looks good. Since he grew up in Montana, I have a mental picture of him on horseback, lasso swinging, wrangling cattle.
And I wish I could say that made him less attractive.
I get out of the car, and Finn gives an overacted, presentational bow.
“You look stunning, as always.”
I close the car door and straighten my shoulders, trying not to feel like a loser. Also trying not to let the compliment land. “Thanks.”
“Okay! Sorry!” A voice calls out from behind us, and I turn to see a tiny woman wearing half a dress walking toward us.
“That was my video editor. I forgot to send over the new workout,”—she winces dramatically as she walks up to Finn and grabs his arm, then flicks her free hand in the air—“it doesn’t matter.
” She looks at me. “Hi! I’m Kaylee.” She smiles with her full mouth, revealing teeth so perfect and so white I wonder if they’re fake.
“Kaylee, this is Raya Hart,” Finn says. “Poppy’s sister.”
She thrusts a hand in my direction. “Oh! I love Poppy! I sat with her at the game last night. She’s sooo sweet!”
I shake her hand, but my face remains neutral. “Nice to meet you.”
“Are you the one who works for the team?” she asks.
“That’s me,” I say, desperately wanting to get back in my car and drive straight home. “I should—” I make a move to go around them, but quickly realize there’s really no easy way to get out of walking to the door with Finn and Kaylee. We’re going to the same place.
“That must be so fun,” Kaylee says as we start up the driveway. “Working for the team, I mean.” She squeezes Finn’s arm. “I don’t think I’d get anything done though. Too much eye candy.” She giggles.
Finn’s gaze catches mine, and I quirk a brow. “What do you do, Kaylee?”
“I teach yoga,” she says. “And I’m a fitness influencer?” She says this like it’s a question. I try not to chalk it up to her age, which I’m assuming is younger than me.
“I’m really trying to grow my account and get a couple of brand deals.” She looks up at Finn. “Hoping this one will make an appearance in a few of my videos.”
He smiles uncomfortably, and I squint over at her. “He probably needs to check his contract and see what he’s allowed to do publicly, and most likely without compensation.”
Her eyes go wide. “Oh! I hadn’t thought about that.”
“With professional athletes, there’s a lot to think about,” I say, feeling the sarcasm brim over the words.
I have a bad habit of sizing people up in the first eight seconds, then believing that’s who they are for the rest of the time I know them. I wish I were different.
Or wrong.
I nod as Finn pulls the door open and Kaylee walks in.
“Is this a networking event for her or . . .?” I say under my breath as I walk past him.
“She’s cool,” he says, but he doesn’t look sure.
In some ways, I feel sorry for the single guys on the team. It would be hard to find a real connection with anyone, considering how many women would love to say they’re dating a pro athlete, regardless of who that athlete is.
In Finn’s case, I have less sympathy. The man is a chronic flirt who doesn’t seem to have any common sense when it comes to dating. In the short few months I’ve been working for the team, there’s been a revolving door of women on his arm, most of them taking Kaylee and hitting Copy/Paste.
As soon as possible, I excuse myself and go find Poppy, who is in the kitchen hovering over the caterer, a woman Dallas hired so my sister could enjoy her party.
When she sees me, Poppy’s eyes light up. “Ray! You’re here!” She rushes toward me and pulls me into a tight hug. “Thanks for coming. I know social events aren’t your favorite.”
I pull back and look at her. “They aren’t. But you’re my favorite.”
“I know.” She smiles, with a twinkle in her eye. “I won’t tell El.”
I smile back, then the caterer shoots me a wide-eyed, silent plea, and I usher my sister out of the kitchen.
“Oh, I was going to help with the—”
“Nope,” I say, moving her into the living room and out onto the back deck. “You’re not working today, remember?”
Poppy nods. “Right. Not working.”
“Everything is going to be perfect,” I say.
When Dallas bought this house in Loveland, it was never supposed to be a long-term living situation.
It was meant to be a place where his grandma could recover from surgery.
But then my sister pretended they were dating, and that one interaction led to a fake relationship that turned real .
. . and Poppy ended up with a guy who adores her.
Outside, there’s a large deck that opens to a patio and a big yard. Quiet music drifts from a speaker, and further out in the grass, there’s a long, rustic table decorated with the most stunning fall flowers I’ve ever seen.
Poppy and Dallas won’t get married until next spring, but an early November engagement party, sandwiched between hockey games and restaurant events, is actually pretty perfect.
“Poppy, this is amazing.” I take it all in. It’s quiet and rustic and peaceful and so . . . Poppy.
“You like it?” she asks.
I turn to her. “I love it. It’s all so beautiful. I’m just so happy for you.”
Her face brightens. “We wanted it to feel like a big family dinner.”
I spot Eloise with some of the hockey wives, and when she sees me, she lifts both her arms and waves with both hands. “Raya!” she calls out, and more than a few people look at me.
I smile and wave back, then look at Poppy. “Zero social graces.”
Poppy laughs as Eloise rushes over. “Raya, you gorgeous queen, that dress is criminal.”
I give myself a quick once-over. “Is it?” I frown, secretly thankful for the compliment. I don’t need a lot of puffing up, but since I’m one of the only single people here, I did feel extra pressure to make myself look attractive.
That way maybe people think it was my choice coming alone, and not that no one wanted to come with me.
Which is ridiculous. I can’t control what other people think, and I really don’t care.
Except when I do.
People who know me would probably be shocked if they found out how much I actually want to fit in. Since I typically don’t, I quit trying and convinced myself I was better off this way. And usually, I believe it. Lately, though, I’ve been more aware than ever of my aloneness.
I hate that stupid, superficial things like this still take up space in my brain.
“I saw Finn gawking at you,” Eloise says.
I roll my eyes. “I guarantee that’s not true. He’s here with a yoga instructor.” I glower at Poppy. “I think she’s nineteen.”
Poppy giggles. “She’s twenty-five.”
I quickly scan the group, and my eyes land on Finn.
Whose eyes are on me.
Instead of looking away, like a normal person caught staring, he lifts his drink in a “cheers,” and gives me a wide smile.
And of course, my sisters see.
“He’s so into you,” Eloise says.
“Uh, look at who he’s dating,” I say. “The exact opposite of me. The literal photo negative. That’s who he’s into.”
“I think you terrify him,” Poppy says.
“I think you terrify everyone,” Eloise chimes in, holding in a laugh.
“Good.” I pump my eyebrows. “I like to be feared.”
“He’s a good guy,” Poppy says. “I think you should give him a chance.”
I look at her, incredulous. “A chance to do what?”
She stutters a bit. “I don’t know, be your friend?”
“He’s still looking over here,” Eloise points out.
I peer over, meeting his eyes again, and this time, he quickly looks away.
Poppy puts a hand on my arm. “I want you to be with someone who makes you happy.”
“Well, it’s not Finn,” I say, matter-of-factly. “He’s too immature, and we’re too different. Plus . . . yoga instructor.”
The words have a little sting in them, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the reminder that men want women like the yoga instructor. Men do not want women like me.
I have receipts to prove it.
I grab Eloise’s glass and take a sip, then quickly remember that I don’t like champagne and hand it back to her—aware that my sisters are concerning themselves with something I don’t want them to concern themselves with.
“I don’t need a guy in my life, you guys. I’m really, really content with how things are right now. Plus, I don’t have time. The transition to this new job is hard, and work needs all my attention.”
“Oh, right, Dallas said you’re in charge of the Denim and Diamonds fundraiser thing?” Poppy says.
I smile. “I am.”
“Is that part of your job?” Eloise asks. “I thought you had a boring job, and that actually sounds fun.”
“I asked to take it on,” I say. “I like to plan events.” And I like to stay busy. When I’m busy it’s harder to examine what’s missing in my life.
A few other people arrive, and Poppy squeezes my arm. “You good?”
“Yes, Poppy, this is your party—go mingle. Please don’t worry about me.”
She smiles, hugs me, then rushes off. I hate that she feels like she has to “make sure I’m okay” just because I showed up alone. They really should know I’m used to it by now.
If only it got easier.