47. Sit Your Butt Down, Young Lady
Sit Your Butt Down, Young Lady
Cara
‘What time will your dad be here?’ Doris asks as we take a break from gardening to get a cold drink in the shade.
When my dad told me he was in Forest Falls, I couldn’t believe it. I’ve taken the past couple of weeks to try and clear my head and process everything that happened, but I haven’t been able to talk to anyone except Doris; she’s the only person who doesn’t ask how I’m doing or if I need anything, or when I’m going home. She’s just there, a comforting presence at my side, someone who makes me laugh daily.
Getting to know her more has been so lovely. We’ve spent time in the city: shopping and eating at all sorts of different places, from street carts to fancy restaurants. We’ve been to spas and salons, and I got my hair cut a little shorter, so it sits on my collarbone, and I’ve changed the color a bit, with dark roots blending into blond. I love it, and it put a smile on my face for the first time in what feels like so long.
Another thing Doris and I have done these past couple of weeks is get tattoos. When I told her I was looking for a good tattoo shop, she enthusiastically told me she wanted to get one too. I thought she was kidding, but no, we both booked appointments and a few hours later, we walked out of that shop with fresh ink and smiles on our faces.
She’s not like any woman I’ve ever met. She doesn’t have a ton of family photos around the house, and she doesn’t talk about her family, even though I know she has grandkids she adores. She’s vibrant and fun. She loves her life. She’s loyal and funny and the kindest woman in the world. I hope I can be like her when I’m her age—still saying yes to living life to the fullest.
I tell myself the D that I had hidden in the wildflowers on my wrist is for her—my heart knows better, but I’m ignoring that stupid slab of meat for the time being.
Doug has stopped trying to get me to talk to him. The stab of pain at the fact that he actually listened when I told him to leave me alone is an annoying reminder of how I feel for the man, despite the way he made me feel.
I miss him. I hate that I miss him, but I can’t seem to make it stop.
‘Honey?’
I turn to look at Doris and realize I haven’t answered her.
‘Oh, sorry.’ I pick up my phone to check the time. ‘Any time within the next hour.’
I’m nervous to see my dad. It’s so silly. He’s been my one constant, the most important person in my life for most of it, and now I feel like he’s a stranger. My head is telling me that biology makes all the difference while my heart tries its best to remind me that it’s not sharing DNA that makes someone a dad, especially not a dad like mine.
‘Well, I’ll go and start some lunch then. Can’t have a man in the house and not feed him.’ I laugh. Doris can’t have anyone in the house and not feed them.
I sit for a while, pondering how much has changed in such a short time before deciding I need to pull my weight and go back to pruning.
When I hear Doris stepping back out onto the porch and the door shutting behind her, I look back in time to see her freeze, her eyes fixed on the road before she rushes toward me.
‘Oh shit,’ she mutters, the curse word grabbing my attention, and I watch as she slowly turns her gaze from the road to me. ‘Cara, I’m sorry, please just…’
I hear the rumble of the truck and turn my head as it turns onto the drive, and I feel like I might pass out. How is he here?
I’m frozen with confusion as I watch Doug get out of his truck and slam the door closed angrily.
‘Grandma. What the fuck?’
Wait, what did he just say?
‘Douglas Campbell. I know you didn’t just aim that language my way. Don’t you forget who you’re talking to.’
‘She was here the whole time. Really? You kept that from me? And how do you even know each other?’
I stand from my crouched position and slowly turn my head to look at Doris. My mouth falling open in shock.
‘What the hell is going on?’ I say, my voice barely there.
‘Cara, honey. I’ll explain. I just…’
‘Cara.’ Doug’s voice is softer than I’ve ever heard it, and I try my hardest to ignore the fast beating of my heart. ‘Please look at me.’
‘Why don’t we go inside, get a drink and something to eat,’ Doris interrupts, and I hear Doug exhale.
‘Sweetheart.’ My dad’s lovely soft voice has me turning to look at him in person for the first time in months, but I need a minute. Dropping the pruning shears in my hand, without another word, I turn and walk away.
I walk around Doris’s estate for maybe an hour before I accept that it’s too damn hot to be wandering aimlessly and head back.
When I reach the front yard, sweat beads tickling my spine, I stop and take a deep inhale as I see Doug sitting on the porch steps. He stands as I approach, so I stop, keeping the distance between us.
‘Why are you here?’ I ask, and he laughs.
‘I could ask you the same thing.’
‘Doris is my friend. I needed some space, and she offered it.’
He steps down toward me, and I instinctively take a step back.
‘Cara, please don’t act like I’m going to hurt you. I’d never do that.’
‘You already did.’ I glare at him, then shake my head. ‘I need a shower.’
Storming past him, I head inside the house and straight into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I thought today I’d be talking to my dad and figuring out that mess. Instead, I’m hiding, and I don’t give a damn.
When I come out of the shower, I change into some loose trousers and a t-shirt, tying my wet hair up before heading to the kitchen at the front of the house. I breathe deeply as I see Doug sitting opposite my dad and Doris at the kitchen table, talking like they’re old friends.
‘Oh, good, you’re here. Come on. Let’s eat.’ Doris says brightly.
I look at the only empty seat right next to Doug and shake my head.
‘I’m not hungry. You all enjoy it.’
‘Sit your butt down, young lady,’ Doris says, arching one eyebrow. ‘You may have your issues with my grandson, and that’s between the two of you to sort out, but I didn’t spend time preparing all this food in this heat for my guests to tell me they ain’t hungry. Sit.’
Taking another breath, I drag myself to the table and sit.
God, he smells good. How does he smell like that on a day like today? I wish I could force myself not to breathe, not inhale the scent of him, but the more I try, the deeper I seem to be breathing him in.
‘It’s lovely to see you, sweetheart,’ Dad says from across the table, and I raise my gaze to his.
‘You too, Dad. I’m sorry you had to come all this way.’
‘Don’t be daft. It’s been far too long since I’ve been back here, and I can’t wait to see your house.’ He smiles softly, and I try to do the same, but, well, I just don’t feel like smiling.
‘Oh, Doug fixed it up, you know,’ Doris says proudly, and I feel him shift beside me, uncomfortable.
I hate that I want to touch him. I miss the feel of his skin. When we would lay on the sofa watching a movie or lay in bed in the dark and quiet of the night, wrapped up in each other, touching each other tenderly as though we couldn’t stop, couldn’t get enough of each other. I miss that so much.
‘Cara?’ Dad’s voice has me looking up and finding him smiling at me softly.
‘I’m sorry.’ I push my chair back and stand. ‘Doris, I’m sorry. I can’t…’
Rushing from the room and then out the front door, I find myself in the front garden before a loud painful sob escapes me, and I collapse forward, my hands on my knees. The humid evening air presses heavily against my skin as the sunset pink of the sky does its best to soothe me.
‘Cara.’
Another sob escapes at the soft way he says my name, and I stand, hugging my arms across my body.
‘Baby, please…’
‘No!’ I spin around, angrily pointing my finger at him. ‘Don’t you call me that. Don’t you dare.’
‘Talk to me, please.’
‘I have nothing to say to you, Doug.’
‘That’s a lie.’ I glare at him, and my lips part, but nothing comes out. ‘You always have plenty to say to me. You said it yourself. You can’t stop yourself from telling me exactly as it is. Tell me now, please, because this silence is deafening.’
‘I’ll rephrase then. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear from you. I just want you to leave me alone.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Ugh,’ I growl at the sky, turning away from this infuriating man.
‘Cara, what we have is…’
‘Had,’ I correct harshly, and he reacts as though I slapped him. I see the moment of impact, the sting of that one little word, but I double down. ‘What we had , is over.’
‘Please don’t say that.’ He steps toward me, and my whole body tenses. ‘I know you’re angry right now…’
‘ Angry ,’ I screech like a bloody banshee. ‘I’m not angry, Doug. I’m fucking heartbroken.’
I hear the sharp exhale as I release the words and step back away from him.
‘You convinced me to trust you, promised me I could trust you to protect me, then you ripped my heart out.’ I swipe angrily at the traitorous tears that insist on falling. ‘You broke me, Doug, and I will not forgive that. Just leave me alone, please.’
The last words are a whisper as the emotion tightens my throat, but as I storm past him and see him frozen and silent, I know he heard them, and I know he’s going to do what I asked. We’re done.