12. Ethan
12
ETHAN
I wake with a smile on my lips and an ache in my loins. The love making sessions we had last night was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. Lucy was insatiable, taking everything I had to give her and begging for more. Yet I still wake up hard for her.
The intensity of our love making opened something deep inside me that I thought was long buried. I never thought I’d love again after my marriage ended, but with Lucy, that’s changed.
I want to see her again. I want to be with her. I want to do whatever it takes to make this work.
I’m facing the wall and I roll over, hoping she’s up for another session before breakfast. But her side of the bed is empty.
“Lucy?” She’s not in the hut, and uneasiness stirs in my gut. I pull back the covers and cold air hits my bare skin, making me shiver.
Her clothes are gone, and the cabin is neat. She’s tidied up, removing all trace of last night’s activities.
I stride to the door and pull it open, not caring that I’m buck naked.
Lucy’s sitting on a boulder looking out at the treetops. She’s fully dressed with her luscious hair tucked away in a bun.
She turns at the sound of the door, and instead of a warm smile there’s something cold in her expression. From this distance I can’t see her eyes behind the glasses, and I need to see her. I need to know that this wasn’t just a one night thing for her. That the contract we had is void.
“Lucy.”
“Morning,” she says at the same time. “You’d better get dressed. It’s cold out here.”
She averts her eyes and turns to look back at the horizon. After what we did last night, I’m surprised my nakedness concerns her.
I long to take her in my arms, but what if I’ve got it wrong? She’s dressed and put back together like nothing happened. My nakedness suddenly seems awkward.
I duck inside to throw my clothes on. She’s folded them neatly and left them on the chair.
I can’t pull my underpants on fast enough. I need to get back out there to tell her how I feel, but a warning is sounding in my chest. The cold look, the way she turned away from me. The fact that she got up and left me sleeping at all.
Did I imagine the connection we had last night?
We had a deal, one night only. She said herself there was only one thing she wanted from me. Maybe I imagined the connection we had. After all, I know how fickle women can be.
Memories of my ex-wife surface, along with the feelings of betrayal that come whenever I think of her.
It was the small moments that led me to the truth. The way her boss rested his hand on the small of her back, the late nights at work, the way she leaned in too close to him at a work party and picked lint off his collar, the moment I put all the little signs together and realized what was staring me in the face.
When I confronted her about it, she broke down in tears, sobbing that it was only sex and she didn’t have feelings for him.
I never understood how you can be intimate with someone on numerous occasions, because the affair had been going on for months, and not develop feelings. But it seems women are a different species.
I almost forgot that.
But what if Lucy’s not like that? What if what we had was real? I have to speak to her; I have to at least ask.
As I pull on my coat, I hear voices from outside. I open the door and find Alex and Landon, two of the volunteers from Search and Rescue.
“We left as soon as it was first light,” Alex says. “We’ve got a stretcher to carry Lucy out.”
As he says it, he helps Lucy to her feet, and she leans on him for support. Jealousy courses through my veins, and I stride over to stand at her side. “Let me.”
She doesn’t even look up at me as I take her arm.
“You two have an okay night?” Landon asks.
“Yes,” I say curtly. “It was perfect.” The last I say as a whisper so only Lucy can hear. She freezes and gives a soft intake of breath.
“It was satisfactory,” she says to Landon and she tilts her head away from me, keeping her eyes downcast.
And that little movement makes my heart shatter.
Lucy asked me for one thing only, and I gave it to her. It was stupid of me to think she would want anything more.
My stupid heart almost got me into trouble again.