4
Mark
Climbing up into Colin’s truck, I ready myself for the questions.
“Alright, time to spill. What the heck happened?”
“Hell, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.
” I rest my elbow on the window’s edge, leaning my head against my fingers.
“I ran into Ava at the grocery store, and we did our usual back and forth, but she basically told me she had a shitty day, so I eased up a bit. I walked away to finish my shopping, but when I was coming out of the next aisle on my way to check out, the douche was right there making her feel like shit. He called her a bitch, and I saw red. I stepped in and pretended to be her boyfriend. Couldn’t leave in separate cars and ruin that now, could I? ”
Colin peers over at me with a smirk, then looks back at the road.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Say it.”
“Just a tad protective there.”
“He was talking to her like she was nothing. The thought of not saying anything to help was worse.”
“Mmmm hmmm. I get it. I’m even proud of you for stepping up. But, fake boyfriend?”
“He needed to see that she was still desirable.”
Colin chuckles. “And that was your place? You couldn’t have just stepped in and asked if there was a problem?”
I clench my teeth. “It was quick improvisation. I didn’t know what else to do.”
Colin laughs harder this time. “Well… Did it work?”
“He was madder than a hornet by the time we walked out of there, so… I’d say so.”
“I bet you Ava is having one hell of a time trying to absorb what just happened.”
“Yeah. She basically asked who the fuck I was and what I did with the real Mark.”
“You let her in for a minute.”
“I let her in.”
“You’re kindred spirits in that way.”
I huff and lean back, quiet for the rest of the ride to my truck.
???
Blowing out my breath, I kick off my boots as soon as I shut my front door.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I amble to the kitchen, dropping my keys on the warm-toned oak table that I built with my own two hands and look through the stack of mail I grabbed earlier.
There’s nothing of immediate importance.
I keep playing tonight out over and over in my mind. If it’s not that, Colin’s conversations sprinkled over the last few months just reverberate in my head like a clanging gong. I need to figure out what else I want from life.
Our fishing trip that went awry last fall solidified the fact that I’m restless and need to pull my head out of my ass.
If you look at me on paper, things look pretty good.
I own a company with one of my best friends.
It’s going well, and I’m financially stable.
Who wouldn’t love that? I look around and see that I have this gorgeous, little house, but it feels empty.
Yes, I poured bits of my heart and soul into pieces I made, but it’s still lacking life.
It’s definitely nothing like Ava’s little kitchen where you walk in and feel at home.
It was full of life. Full of her. Everything in it, a testament to the kind of person she is.
I want something like that for myself. I used to think I already had it.
I shake my head, suddenly overwhelmed. She is nothing like how she appears to everyone on the surface.
She is completely unexpected, and damn it, I’m curious.
I want to know more about the vivacious girl hiding behind her quiet facade.
I’m pretty salty with myself that I never allowed her the opportunity to feel comfortable with me.
I snort, realizing that I do the same with myself.
Only my select few know “me”. I’m going to work on that this year.
So, on the outside, first appearances mostly look good.
A closer inspection likely finds me lacking.
According to the guys, my wandering eyes and smooth talk put a giant, red, rubber stamp across my forehead that reads: Manwhore.
Smhh… I shake my head and walk down the hallway to my bath to turn the knob on for a hot shower.
Stripping down, I eye the man facing me in the mirror.
I know that there is so much to be thankful for, so much to be proud of, but I also know that over the past few years, there have been a lot of questions I haven’t answered for myself either.
I’m getting sick of doing this all alone.
There’s nobody to share any of it with. The words that just keep echoing are restless.
Empty. Wasted. I have spent so much time wasting it.
The steam is fogging up the mirror, so I climb in and just allow the hot water to scald my skin as I lean under it, pressing both palms against the wall. I just want to feel. I don’t even care what I feel at this point as long as I’m not numb.
I need to get laid. I can’t remember how long it’s been.
Have I even had sex this year yet? I shake my head under the water, realizing that I’m going on months.
This is a new record for me. The last time was shortly after our unfortunate brush with Mother Nature, so I’m thinking that was around Thanksgiving sometime with Mindy.
It left me feeling just as empty as the last time we were together.
Easy hookups just aren’t hitting the spot for me like they used to.
Turning off the water, I reach up for the pale gray towel and rub it over my face and dark hair.
Even though the circumstances surrounding how I ended up there completely sucked, tonight had been nice with Ava at her place.
Once I decided to quit being an ass that is and put in a little effort to make a girl feel better about life and herself.
Just having someone to share a meal with and have an actual conversation with was refreshing.
I never expected to enjoy anything that came out of that bratty mouth, nor did I expect to just be myself with her.
When Colin had texted to say he was in her driveway, I actually felt a pang of longing to just stay put with her on that couch eating pizza and picking whatever movies she wanted to watch.
She made me feel. She made me feel like all the pretentious bullshit I sling at everyone else was just poof…
gone. We were just two people getting to know each other and giving each other basic human decency.
It felt really good to take care of someone.
When she asked about my life, she was genuinely interested in getting to know the real me.
Am I capable of recreating that atmosphere with her?
Can I push this new side of our budding friendship to the surface and keep it there?
Or am I going to continue being the same old Mark with her?
Is she even interested in me as a friend, or was it just our close proximity under a stressful situation?
What the hell even made me want to step in as her fake boyfriend?
Why didn’t I do what Colin suggested and just confront the situation and stand up for her in general without attaching myself romantically?
Gah… It’s practically nine. There’s nothing to do, and I have zero interest in going to Phil’s for a beer by myself. I’m getting too old for this shit. I’m going to bed.
???
Ava
Plink! The hollow sound of the metal spoon hitting the bottom of my now empty pint of cookies and cream ice cream is actually quite satisfying. I reach forward, thunking it down on top of the coffee table before curling back up in my cocoon.
This whole day was a clusterfuck. I’ve been laying here watching HGTV episodes of Joanna and Chip Gaines flaunting their Fixer Upper genius.
I just love how they love each other and have such passion for every aspect of their lives.
I wonder if it’s that way off screen too.
Sure, everyone has their bad days, but they just seem…
happy. At twenty-eight years old, I can say with certainty that I have not found my happy yet.
I do thankfully have this home and a great job, but I need more.
Not more things. I have every physical thing that I could truly need.
No, what I need is to fill the emptiness in my soul. I need my person. I want a family.