Chapter 15
Ava
Two seconds is all I get between the front door opening and the sound of Jane’s loud voice.
“Details! I’m dying for details!”
“We brought wine!”
I lay my head in my hands and laugh hard against my kitchen island while preparing for the insane amount of questions about to come my way. I love these girls though.
My friends stagger into the kitchen, intent on hearing nothing less than the whole story from when this all began. I dip out a bowl of hamburger cheese dip from the crockpot and slide it across the countertop while Jane pours glasses and Holly grabs the tortilla chips.
“Holy hell, all those little looks we all kept catching? I knew I felt an undercurrent running between you two the night of the bachelorette party! Then it seemed to just poof!...disappear,” Sydney divulges before grabbing the bag of chips from Holly since she’s hogging them.
Sydney pours the chips into an extra bowl in the middle.
“Read us the messages! You know which ones. You were a texting fool the night of the wedding,” Jane demands, handing me my phone. I oblige them. By the time I finish them, they’re all staring open-mouthed at me, and Holly is fanning herself.
“Then?” Jane urges on. She’s such a dirty detail slut. Zero shame. I love her.
I tell them a watered-down version of the coat closet, how Trystan caught us afterward, then the hotel. They hoot with glee and shake their heads in astonishment at the fact that we still haven’t actually had sex yet.
“Please tell me you are going to ride that man until you pass out? I just never imagined… well, okay… I can see it, but just never gave thought to him being so damn delectable. With all due respect,” Holly asks then declares while Jane and Sydney just sit there and nod, taking it all in and processing.
“Damn…” Jane says and bites her lip.
“Double damn…” Sydney echoes.
“Hot diggity…” Holly tosses in, and I snort my glee. Yes, I realize I have landed myself in magical unicorn territory, and I know that I better not let this opportunity out of my grasp.
“What if all this build up falls flat when we finally come together? Things are so good between us. What if I don’t live up to his expectations?
Guys, it’s been years,” I ramble out, letting all the anxiety flow from my fingers into the room.
I feel better voicing what’s been plaguing my mind for days.
The looks spanning across their faces range from “Are you kidding me, right now?” to empathetic understanding.
“I feel like a big jumble of black-lined squiggles a frustrated teenager scribbles all over their paper in class. I’m everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.”
“Ava, you are a beautiful soul capable of captivating any man that is WORTH your time. If he’s not on your level, it won’t go anywhere.
If he is, then things will work in all the ways that matter.
” Jane states matter of factly. “I can’t imagine the straight fire you’re experiencing right now just fizzling out.
It seems like more than just attraction.
The conversations you’ve mentioned speak of a deeper connection,” she adds before stuffing a giant bite of gooey dip into her mouth.
“I guess I’m worried about his past behavior. Like, part of me is scared that he’s just in it for the chase, and that he’s going to bolt once he finally has me.”
They all nod their heads in understanding.
“He admitted he wanted something deeper?” Holly asks.
“Yes.”
“Then are you willing to take that risk and believe in him? Because, he’s likely feeling just as much pressure for everyone to see him as more than what he’s been in the past. That’s got to be hard too. Don’t give up on him before he has the chance to prove himself.”
Sydney and Jane sigh and nod.
“This seems to be more of a margarita night than a wine night. I fucked up…” Jane announces into her drink.
We all laugh, thankful for the break in the conversation. When they all leave, I crawl into bed, sinking into the comfort with my book in hand, but instead of turning on my lamp so that I can read, I pull out my phone.
Maybe we just need to lay it all out there.
Me: Have you been all in your head about all of this as much as I have these past few days?
Bubbles appear to say he’s typing, but they disappear. They start again a minute later then disappear. The anxiety in my stomach is insane.
My phone lights up with a phone call, a picture of our whole group from the wedding day appears since I don’t have just one of Mark alone. I teeter on the line of not answering because I’m struggling with the idea of openly voicing this conversation.
“Hey…”
“What’s got you all up in your head, Firecracker?”
“You. This…Us…”
Shit, I said it. Is there even an us?
The other end of the line is quiet. So quiet.
“I know it feels like a lot. Our dynamic… It did a three-sixty,” he says softly.
I hum in agreement. I’m having a hard time with words. I don’t want to say the wrong thing because I didn’t think about it first.
“Did I do something to change your mind about me?” he asks, sounding nervous. Vulnerable. My stomach drops. That is not where I wanted this to go.
“No,” I whisper across the line. “I just needed to know that I’m not the only one who’s scared of change.”
He blows out a long breath, and it sounds like he just flopped back on his bed.
“No, you aren’t the only one who’s scared,” he whispers back.
This is our thing.
This is how we expose our deepest feelings.
In the dark.
“Tell me what you’re scared of, and I’ll tell you what I fear,” he says quietly.
I take a deep breath.
“I’m scared you won’t truly want me once you have me. I’m scared I won’t be enough for you.”
“I want nothing more than to go back to that grocery store and punch him in the face for the things he’s put in your mind.”
The darkness of my room swallows my giggle. I’m glad he at least understands that it’s more about my past than it is just about his.
“Your turn.”
“I’m scared you won’t give me the proper chance to prove myself to you.
I’m scared that my past will always hang over my head.
I’m scared that I won’t be able to make you happy because my whole life I’ve never been enough for anyone else, family included.
I understand the whole ‘not feeling like enough’ better than you think. ”
Ooof. So is this where everything likely stemmed from? Has he turned his life upside down because he was trying to prove something?
“Who were you not enough for?” I ask cautiously.
“My dad.”
“What did he want from you?”
“The complete opposite of who I am. I didn’t choose the right sport. Didn’t apply myself in situations the way he would’ve. I didn’t follow the career path he wanted for me. I was bull-headed and stubborn and everything he never wanted me to be.”
My heart breaks for him.
“What did he want you to be?”
“He wanted me to take over the restaurant. Expected me to bring home a nice Italian girl a few years back that he tried to set me up with, but neither of us were fans of the idea. Our fathers expected a grandchild by now. Oh, and I’m also expected to watch over Brynleigh and somehow keep all the douchebags she keeps attracting away from her.
Like that’s somehow my job. If she ever found out what goes on in the background, it would cripple her sense of independence.
Yes, I believe she deserves so much better, and the right guy is going to have to be one hell of a guy for me to accept him.
She also doesn’t realize that my approval is small potatoes in the big scheme of things because it’s all based on the big guy’s approval that she’ll never get.
Nobody will ever be good enough for his little girl.
Not unless he picks him for her himself. I’m doomed no matter what I do.”
“Wow, that is a lot. So your dad is old school Italian, huh?”
“Very much so.”
“And your mother? You two seemed like you have a better relationship.”
“She’s wonderful,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “She’s only ever encouraged Brynleigh and I to reach for our dreams and to never settle for anything less than love.”
“I look forward to meeting her.”
“She wants to meet you too.”
“You told her about me?” I pose, shocked that she’s already heard of me.
“What do you think we were discussing the day we met Colin and Sydney at the bakery?”
“I wouldn’t know since I wasn’t there to hear it.”
“We were discussing how restless I’ve been feeling.
I told her that I haven’t been dating, that I was sick of the game, and she asked what or who was the reasoning behind this change.
At that point, I still wasn’t sure, but she saw it the second she saw you.
Said she knew it the minute I rushed out of the restaurant to meet you. ”
My breath catches in my lungs.
“So… basically, your mom can’t wait to meet me, and your dad will be a tough one to win over. Got it. No pressure or anything.”
Mark laughs quietly on the other end of the line.
“Once he gets to know you, I assure you he’ll change his mind. Just like I did.”
“Well, at least I have Brynleigh’s stamp of approval!”
“So basically three out of four. The odds are in your favor.”
“Oh goody. Anyways, thanks for calling me. Also, you need to send me a picture of you. All I have is a group picture of all of us.”
“Hmmm, I’ll have to get creative.”
“No dick pics.”
“Damn, I took a really good one earlier.”
I chortle because I can always count on him to come back with some sort of nonsense that will make me laugh. Funny how fast things can change. Weeks ago, I would’ve bit back with something snarky.
“Hang on.”
I hear him shuffling around on his bed for a few seconds.
“There. Just for you.”
My phone pings with a text notification. I open it, and it’s of him lying on his bed smiling with his arm behind his head so his bicep looks all flexed without him even trying. It’s effortlessly charming and sexy.
“It’s perfect,” I whisper.
“Don’t know about that, but thanks.”
“Don’t forget how all the heads turned in my office today.”
“I didn’t even notice. All I could see was you.”
Swoon…
“Mark?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I wish you were here. I kind of enjoyed our last sleepover.”
“Me too.”
“I kind of want to do it again.”
“You tell me to come, and I’ll hop in the truck.”
“Noted.”