Chapter 42
In the Truck…
Trystan
Early evening sun bounces off Brynleigh’s golden locks, distracting me as I make my way down the main street of town toward the little subdivision where her apartment is. It’s not a bad neighborhood by any means. Mark and Gianni would’ve never allowed it, had it been. It could be better though.
“Do you want me to run through anywhere so you don’t have to worry about dinner?” I ask quietly. We’ve been silent the entire ride; Brynleigh’s been sitting as ramrod stiff in my passenger seat as she had been walking out of the hospital.
She’s on edge from the stress of today, and I have a feeling I only added to it.
I wish she’d just let me in. She’s been this way around me ever since I got home from overseas after my last and final tour of duty.
Hell if I know how to bring it up to her though.
She has no idea that I’m even aware of the reason she decided she was done with me.
I rub the center of my chest, suddenly aching for the little person who I never got the chance to meet. If only I knew what to say.
“No, I’m not hungry,” she answers tersely, avoiding my gaze. I clench my jaw, avoiding the urge to ask her why she’s so damn angry with me.
“Bryn, you barely ate today.”
“I’m fine. I’ll snack on something at home if I get hungry.”
“Okay, well, I’m swinging through for a burger. I don’t want to cook.”
Pulling through the local burger joint that has the best smashburgers, I make sure to order extra seasoned fries, even though she turns me down again after I toss her a ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ face.
I know they just so happen to be her kryptonite.
I order an extra drink too, and she scoffs, catching on to what I did there.
Handing her the extra Dr. Pepper, I notice she thaws a little, the left side of her lips turning up a smidge even though she fights it.
The bag of fries gets set in the middle, just a bit closer to her than me after taking my burger out and biting off a gloriously delicious bite of cheesy goodness.
I know I just made one hell of an embarrassing noise because Bryn looks over at me with wide eyes.
“Sorry, I was starving, and it’s just so good. You’re missing out.”
She sips her drink that she didn’t want in the first place, and I smirk out my window as I catch her fingers slipping into the bag to grab a couple of fries.
“I got extra for you. Eat more than that.”
She rolls her eyes with fake annoyance yet lifts a loaded cup of fries out of the bag.
“That’s what I thought,” I mutter, taking another bite, smiling victoriously as I check both ways before crossing traffic. By the time we reach her subdivision, she’s almost polished them off.
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist them.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you handling everything okay? I wanted to do more at the hospital for you, be there for you, but you didn’t seem open to it,” I blurt out, needing to know I tried everything before she gets out of this truck. She stiffens again, and I curse inside my head, hating how she’s shutting down again.
“Bryn…” I whisper, reaching across the console for her hand, but she pulls hers away as if I’m a hot burner on the stovetop.
“I’ll be fine, Trystan. I’m a big girl,” she says through clenched teeth, indignation washing across her features while she simultaneously fights tears.
Tears that I know are not only for Mark.
I’d give anything if she’d just let me reach across this seat and pull her into my arms. I know that’s the last thing I should try right now.
I have to bite back the pain and aggravation her retreat causes to swirl in my gut.
“I know you’re a big girl. Still, I hate that you feel that you have to go through any of this alone.” I sigh into the tension-filled cab, meaning more behind my words than she understands. I could tell her I know. I want to tell her that I know.
“I’m used to doing it on my own,” she replies, looking out the front window as if she’s scared her secret will be revealed if she glances at me.
“I came back.”
“Obviously.”
“You know what I mean. I came back for you. Why did you end things before we could even really get started?” There, I’m starting this. I won’t get another chance for months if I don’t. I know it’s not the best time to do this, but life doesn’t give a fuck.
A heavy breath escapes her lips. “I told you I didn’t want that life. Now there’s Mark.”
“Mark would’ve eventually come around. I’m done with the military.
You can’t use that excuse anymore. I’d understand if I were still a part of that life, but I’m not.
If you’re worried about where my head is at, I see a therapist from time to time, especially when things act up.
Are you scared of me?” Fuck, please don’t be scared of me.
I’d never hurt you. Her gorgeous amber eyes flick to mine, and she shakes her head.
I breathe a little easier, exhaling a pent up breath I’ve been holding, waiting for her answer.
I’m so thankful that that isn’t a huge hurdle we’ll have to face.
“Bryn, I’d never hurt you.” I say it because I just have to voice it. I need her to hear that she’s safe with me.
“I’m not scared of you in that sense.”
I frown at her, waiting for her to explain, but she doesn’t hurry to do so.
“What are you afraid of?” I mutter under my breath, scared she’ll stop talking.
“Everything else.”
“You were willing to take a chance on that awful excuse of a boyfriend you just kicked to the curb. You KNOW in your bones you deserve better than that. You also know that I would do better than him.”
“Trystan…” she interjects, but I don’t let her finish.
“But you’re afraid to let me in?”
“He wasn’t you. Nobody could…” She shuts her mouth, stopping herself from saying something she’s not ready to say. “He didn’t have our history.”
“Which part of our history has you so riled up? We hooked up between leaves, and you shut me down because you didn’t want to date someone in the military.
You didn’t even answer my damn letters. Is there something I’m missing?
Because we didn’t get a whole hell of a lot of time to start something as serious as you just made that sound.
” I hadn’t meant to push that hard, but I don’t feel like I can stop the train from leaving the station now.
I feel it in my gut, this conversation has to happen. Now.
Brynleigh’s eyes widen with surprise and worry. She chews on the inside of her cheek, fingers fidgeting with anxiety. She’s contemplating on spilling. Come on, honey, get it out. Stop holding it all in.
“Mark…”
“I will worry about him. That’s not what’s holding you back.”
“There’s more to the story.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can tell me anything, Bryn.”
“I don’t want you to hate me,” her voice cracks on a whisper.
“I could never hate you.”
“You will,” she says incredulously, a huff of anxiety leaving her lips and lacing her words. “I can’t do this.” I hate how this is tearing her up. I don’t know whether or not this will make things worse, but I’ll bridge the gap.
“Brynleigh…” I utter her name, willing her to look at me, waiting until she does. Her tear-filled amber eyes destroy me. One escapes, rolling down the side of her cheek. I reach up to thumb it away. “I…know…”
Brynleigh’s eyes widen, tears escaping faster as she realizes exactly what I’m admitting in the quiet space between us.
She swipes furiously at them and reaches for the door.
I grasp her wrist, rubbing my thumb across it in a soothing manner, willing her to stay and talk to me.
Her lids flutter closed as her chin trembles.
“I can’t do this,” she says under her breath and hurries out of the truck.
My heart cracks right along with hers as I watch her disappear into the complex.
Chasing after her tonight isn’t the right answer.
I don’t know how long I sit there staring up at her apartment as I watch lights flick on and off, but I know that that girl is hurting just as badly as I am.
Reality tells me the situation is unfixable, but I just want to see her smile again.
Somehow I need to fix this. I just don’t know where to begin.