9. Leo
Chapter 9
Leo
I have an unusually long weekend off, which gives me two days to sort everything out for Saffron’s wedding on Saturday.
The first thing I do is sleep in.
I wake, bleary-eyed, and stare at the ceiling. I’m going to walk into my living area and find Cayenne yowling for food. If I think it hard enough, it will come true. My life is completely normal. I don’t have a cat who can turn into a person who is actually an angel. I won’t be able to stay in denial for much longer. On Saturday, either my cousin, the wedding party, and all the guests will see Kai, or they won’t.
I pull on yesterday’s T-shirt and wander through to the living area. Kai sits on the sofa, watching the Shopping Channel on the TV.
“Oh, hey.” He grins at me. “Have you got your cousin a wedding present? No, of course not. I’ve been looking for ideas. Apparently, air fryers are the most desired appliance right now.”
“Good morning to you too.” It’s official; my life has become an episode of The Twilight Zone or Eerie Indiana .
He pauses the TV, twists onto his knees, and leans on the back of the sofa. “Morning!” His gaze drifts over me.
I cover my body with my arms.
“Aww, you don’t need to do that. I’ve seen you naked.”
I glower at him. I thought he was a cat, then. I was hardly going to shoo my cat out of the room every time I wanted to get changed or have a shower. The only time Cayenne was banned from my room was when I was having sex or rubbing one out, but apparently, that wasn’t enough. My cheeks heat up thinking about it. I am never bringing a date home again.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I grumble.
“It’s something. Tell me.” His eyes are far too bright and curious for my liking.
“Air fryers,” I say.
“Oh, yes. They’re super popular. Do you think your cousin has one?”
“No clue. How much are they?”
“They were advertising one for one hundred pounds.”
“Excuse me. How much?”
“Is that a lot? ”
“Yes, especially for a cousin I barely see and who probably only invited me to the wedding to make up numbers.”
Kai’s expression drops. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Breakfast?”
“I—”
“Don’t need food. But do you want some?”
“No, thanks. You eat, I’ll look for something cheaper.”
“No need. I’ll put some money in a card.”
“That seems impersonal.”
I shrug. “They’ll be able to buy something they do want rather than being gifted half a dozen toasters.”
“Why would they get that many toasters?”
“It’s the sort of thing that happens in sitcoms. Everyone buys the same gift, and the happy couple end up drowning in toasters.”
“I don’t think you can drown in toasters.”
I shake my head. My guardian angel can work the TV and find the Shopping Channel but can’t recognise hyperbole. Good to know.
I pour some cereal into a bowl, cover it in milk, and sit at the table to eat.
Kai wanders over and sits opposite me. “Do you have a suit?”
“No. I’ve never needed one. I’ll buy one online.”
He gets up.
“Where are you going?”
He’s vanished into my room before I finish my question. I wave my spoon dramatically and sigh. Kai returns with my laptop, which he puts on the table in front of me and opens.
“Now?” I ask.
“Why not?”
“Since when have you been so bossy?”
Kai raises his eyebrows. Right. Cayenne has always been a bossy cat. Take yesterday morning, when he beat me out of bed with his paw and wouldn’t let me leave the apartment without my lunch. Okay, I’m being unfair. He was being helpful. Not bossy. Kai is trying to be helpful now.
He stands behind me, looking over my shoulder while I eat and browse the website of a nearby shop that does twenty-four-hour click-and-collect for clothing.
“This one’s nice.” Kai points at an image of a slim-fit velvet tuxedo jacket.
“It’s a bit dressy for a wedding.”
“Aren’t you supposed to dress up?”
“Yes, but that’s more of a cocktail jacket than a wedding jacket.”
Kai stares at me blankly.
“It’s not the right fit.”
“Oh, shame. Velvet is very strokeable.”
I blink.
Kai is wearing the jacket. He grabs my hand and strokes my palm over the velvet. “See?”
“You didn’t click your fingers? ”
“Huh?”
“Yesterday, you clicked your fingers when you made your clothes change.”
He waves his hand and laughs. “Oh, that was just to warn you something cool was about to happen.”
“Riiiight.”
“Would you have preferred it if I’d said ‘abracadabra’?”
“No. No. Finger-clicking was fine.” I stare at my hand, which Kai is still stroking over the velvet. I have to admit it is strokeable. He’s strokeable. No. Don’t think that way. I tug my hand away. “It’s too dressy.”
“Shame. What about this one?” Kai’s clothes change to a white tuxedo, a crisp white shirt with black buttons, a black bowtie, and pressed black trousers. No socks and shoes, though, even though the model on the website is wearing them.
“Also too much.”
Kai twirls. “Really? I think it’s sexy.”
My brain misfires. “On you?”
“No, silly. It would be sexy on you. It’s a shame I can’t show you.”
I can’t think straight. Are his clothes real? The velvet felt real.
“This one?” His clothing changes into a casual black, woollen suit with a black shirt. The model on the website is wearing white-soled trainers. Unsurprisingly, Kai’s feet remain bare.
“Too casual.”
“You are so picky. ”
“I’m like Goldilocks.”
“Goldi-who?”
“Goldilocks. She’s a character from a fairy tale. She wants everything to be just right. Not too hot. Not too cold. Not too hard. Not too soft.”
“Not too smart, not too casual?”
“Exactly.” I scroll down the page of suits.
Every so often, Kai’s clothing changes to represent another of the suits on the page.
I point at a navy blue suit with a single-breasted jacket, white shirt, and pale grey fake-tartan tie. “This one.”
Kai pulls a face. “But it’s so boring.”
“It’s nice.”
“Boring.”
I open my mouth and shut it again. We’re not children. “Which one would you pick?”
He bats my hand away from the trackpad and scrolls up and down for a few seconds. “This one.” His clothes turn into a royal blue suit with a matching waistcoat and a navy blue tie.
“That’s not exciting.”
“It will suit you.” He cackles. “Suit you. Get it?”
I groan. My guardian angel has a terrible sense of humour. Also good to know.
I have to admit it’s a nice suit. “Fuck, it’s pricey.”
“Too much?”
“For something I’ll only wear once? Yes. Maybe I should hire something instead.”
I look up some suit hire shops, but they all expect you to come in for a fitting and book weeks, if not months, in advance. Off the peg it is. I go back to the shop website. I find a similar suit to the one Kai picked, only it’s not a designer suit, but it is navy blue and—bonus—less than half the price.
“Is this one okay?” Why am I asking his permission?
“It’ll do.” He’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt again.
I roll my eyes and click through to the ordering page. “I don’t know what size I need.” Why is this so hard? I open the size charts. “I need a tape measure. I don’t have a tape measure.”
“I bet Janice will.”
“Good thinking. You know, she wanted me to take you round to see her. Cayenne, that is.”
“She’s going to make me lap cream off a plate, isn’t she?”
“You’d be a cat.”
“Fine.” He transforms and meows at me.
I lean down to pat his head. As always, he pushes up against my hand, encouraging me to stroke him a little longer. Does he like head pats when he’s a person too? No, of course not. What a silly thought. Isn’t it?
I deal with my bowl and spoon and then go for a shower, firmly shutting the bedroom door so Cayenne can’t follow me. I close and lock the en suite door too, just in case.
Half an hour later, I’m knocking on Janice’s door with Cayenne in my arms .
She opens the door and smiles. “Leo, Cayenne, what a lovely surprise. Come in.” She takes Cayenne from me and kisses his head. “I’ve got a treat for you.”
I follow her inside, close the door, and stand around awkwardly while she fusses Cayenne.
“Oh, do sit down. Make it look like you’re planning on staying. You are going to stay, aren’t you? It’s a little early for afternoon tea, but I can rustle up some coffee and biscuits. And some cream for Cayenne.”
Cayenne shoots me a ‘help me’ look as she plies him with kisses.
I sit. “Coffee would be great, thank you. I came to ask a favour.”
“Oh?”
“You wouldn’t happen to have a tape measure I could borrow, would you? I need to order a suit and don’t know what size to get.”
“Of course! Better yet, I can take your measurements for you.”
If cats could laugh, I swear Cayenne would be cackling. I glare at him. He licks his paw.
Janice puts Cayenne on the floor and turns the kettle on. The cat jumps onto my lap and curls up, purring. I move my hands to stroke him, like I’ve done for years, but hesitate. He’s not just a cat. He’s not a cat at all. Is it appropriate for me to stroke him? He opens one eye and stares at me expectantly. When I don’t move, he hooks my hand with his paw and pulls it closer. He wants me to stroke him. I lay my hand on his fur. His body vibrates through my palm as he purrs loudly. I stroke him, running my hand from neck to tail. It’s not weird. It’s not weird at all. A small cloud of orange fur comes away with my hand.
“Shedding is a bit too realistic,” I whisper.
“What was that?” Janice asks.
“Nothing. Just talking to Cayenne.”
“How sweet.”
Cayenne gives me an innocent look and closes his eyes. I relax into stroking him. It’s familiar, nice, and comforting.
Janice puts a tray on the coffee table. Next to the pot of filter coffee is a platter heaped with more biscuits than I could eat in a week, a tiny jug of milk, a jar of sugar cubes, and a plate with cream. All the crockery is flowery, like the rest of the room.
“I do adore cats.” She puts the plate on the floor. “I used to have them as pets, but it wouldn’t be fair now.”
“Why?”
She glances out the window. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep living here independently. What would happen to a cat if I had to go into a care home? Or into a hospital for any length of time?”
“Ah, true.” I don’t want to think about my elderly neighbour getting sick. Or worse.
“Which is why you should bring Cayenne around more often. Seeing him cheers me up.”
Cayenne opens his eyes, stretches, gets off my lap, and rubs against her legs.
She laughs and pets him. “He’s so delightful. ”
The cat jumps onto the chair beside her and sits, eyes half-closed, purring as she strokes his head. Janice’s eyes light up with joy. She looks so happy and content. My heart melts a little. I must remember to thank Kai later.