Chapter Twenty
“Can I ask you something?” Miles whispered across the bed from Henry who was out like a light after only one bedtime story. I should take the kid to the Ranch every day.
“Sure?” I whispered back.
“Why did you feel the need to tell your wanker ex we weren’t a couple? We could have had some fun with that. Used it to your advantage.”
I sank down on my knees and thought about what to say.
As far as Leland knew, I worked for Taron Taylor, not Miles Wickham.
For a split second, the abandoned young woman in me wanted Leland to think I had moved on to much greener pastures.
I wanted Leland to think I was wanted. But I didn’t want to be ruled by that abandoned girl anymore.
“I don’t ever want another pretend relationship.
I felt like that was all my marriage was.
If I decide to be in a relationship again, I want it to be all real. ”
Miles lowered his head. “You deserve that and more,” he sounded melancholy.
“I’m not even sure I’m brave enough to attempt one again.”
Miles lifted his head. “But you’re open to the idea?”
I stood up and tiptoed toward the door. “I don’t know about that. Right now, all I can think about is that I have to go tell my daughter that her sperm donor is back in town.”
Miles met me at the door. “I don’t envy you that task.”
We stood at the door together, staring at one another awkwardly like we had just been on a first date and were saying goodbye, like we wanted to keep the conversation going but didn’t know what else to say.
“Well . . . good night.” I stared down at my black ballet flats. “I hope you get in some good writing.”
“Aspen.”
I tilted my head up and met his gorgeous eyes.
“Thank you for today. And I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable leading your ex to think we were more than we can be. I was out of my head. I haven’t been that riled in a long time.”
I noted his language, more than we can be. “I appreciate what you tried to do. And I enjoyed helping you today.”
“I look forward to many more days like it.”
“Will we be going on more field trips?” I hoped the answer was yes.
“Count on it, love. Good night.”
“Good night.” I watched him walk down the hall. Something felt different. Maybe it was me.
On my way downstairs, my phone buzzed. I answered when I entered the mud room that had an exterior door which allowed easy access to the path that led to the cottage.
“Hey, Emma.”
“Hey there yourself. How was your day?” She was fishing for some juicy details. She knew full well I was at the Ranch with Miles. I’d called her first to see if her dad would mind.
“It was interesting.”
“Oh, come on, I heard it was more than that. My dad said the two of you were awfully cozy together and he could sense a spark between you.”
My first instinct was to say there wasn’t, but that wasn’t true. “Even if there was, nothing is going to happen.”
“So you are admitting to sparks between you two?”
“We’re friends.”
“I used to say that about Sawyer and me, remember?”
I sat down on the upholstered bench and kept my voice down. “Yeah, well you didn’t sign a contract agreeing to no romantic entanglements, and we all tried to tell you Sawyer was into you.”
“True, but contracts can be amended.”
“That’s not going to happen. Miles has made that very clear. Besides I had this weird epiphany thing happen to me today and I’m not really sure what to do about it.”
“What is it? Are you okay?”
“I think so, but I’m not going to lie, I’m a little freaked about it.”
“Do you want to talk?”
“It’s kind of embarrassing and I don’t even know how to say it.”
“It’s me, Aspen, you’ve seen me in panda pajamas and burping the alphabet. And let’s not forget half naked in a vat of slime singing to the Spice Girls. It doesn’t get more embarrassing than that.”
She had me laughing, remembering some good times.
“All right. While we were doing some research on the Ranch today—which, by the way, this book is going to be killer good, but I can’t tell you about it.
Anyway, it struck me today that I’ve never been emotionally intimate with someone of the opposite sex. And worse, I don’t think I know how.”
Emma was awfully silent on her end, which had me pulling up my knees, feeling stupid for sharing so much of myself.
“I’m just being dumb,” I tried to play it off.
“Not at all. I’m just trying to figure what to say. I think you may be on to something regarding the first thing you said, but I do think you know how to, you’re just too afraid to try because everyone is afraid of the unknown. The question is, do you want to try?”
I rested my head on my knees. “Maybe.”
“With Miles?”
“Can you be emotionally intimate with a man and remain only friends?”
“I suppose it’s possible, but . . .”
“But what?”
“If there is a spark there, I can imagine that will get difficult. What brought about this change? I thought you were upset with him?”
“I was, but he apologized, like sincerely apologized. What’s more, he’s trying to be better. And he cares about what I think. Maybe it won’t last and I’m just being foolish like always where men are concerned.”
“Aspen, you can’t think like that. If you want to be emotionally intimate with someone, you have to trust them until they give you reasons not to. Maybe Miles is the real deal. As your boss, he had no reason to apologize to you.”
“He’s the first boss who has treated me like an equal. Actually, he treats me like I’m better than he is.”
“That’s because you are.”
“Thanks, friend. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’m pregnant with twins, but the doctor told me to take B6 and Unisom at night and it’s given me some relief. At least I’m down to puking only a couple of times a day.”
“I’m sorry this has been so rough on you.”
“It’s worth it. It’s kind of like your situation.
You have to go through all the pukey stuff knowing eventually you are going to get what you always hoped for.
In my case, two beautiful babies. In yours, you will finally get to know the joy of real love.
Whether that is with Miles or someone else.
But if you feel like it’s Miles and you’re supposed to give it a chance, don’t let that stupid piece of paper get in your way. ”
“It’s a very important piece of paper and my livelihood. And it’s more than the paper; he said he wished the circumstances were different and he was different.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we will be staying friends. Which is good. You can never have enough good friends.”
“You’re lying. The Brit is getting to you.”
“I hardly know him.”
“It doesn’t take long. When you know, you know. All it took for me was one phone call with Sawyer.”
I remembered her gushing about him after the said phone call and about their date that never came to be because the unthinkable happened when her mom died and Sawyer, in a weird twist, became her stepbrother.
We watched Sawyer and Emma for a year as they tiptoed around their feelings all while becoming “best friends.” She never said it, but we all knew Emma preferred him over any of us.
No one could blame her. He instinctively knew how to take care of her.
He knew her. Kind of like how Miles seemed to know me. Or was that Isabella? I wasn’t sure.
Maybe now was a good time to tell Emma about Miles’s family. “I’m happy for you, Em. But Miles didn’t have me sign that contract just for the fun of it. His mother,” I whispered, “was the nanny to his older brother.”
“So?” Emma questioned, but then it dawned on her. “Ohhhh. Was his dad married to another woman?”
“Yes, and Miles’s mother ran away, so Miles’s father never knew about him until he was in his late teens.”
“Holy crap! Talk about a soap opera.”
“Exactly, which is why Miles doesn’t want a scandal with his nanny.”
Emma thought for a second. “Yeah, but neither of you are married. Unless he is. Is he?”
“No, but you don’t need to be married for scandals to occur and . . .”
“And what?”
“Well, there’s this woman, Penelope Williams, who he’s friends with.
She’s constantly posting on his social media and he has several of the photographs she’s taken hanging up around the house.
You should look her up. She’s based out of London and extremely successful and talented, not to mention striking.
Not like gorgeous, but I could see why Miles would be attracted to her.
I get the feeling there is unfinished business between them. ”
“Hmm. Are you sure?”
“It’s the vibe I get from her comments and the way he looks longingly at the photos. At first, I thought it was only because he missed London, but I think it’s more than that. I think he misses her.” A tinge of jealousy coursed through me.
“You can miss a friend.”
“Right.” I laughed. “I better go. I have to go inform my daughter that her scumbag father is in town.”
“WHAT! Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I just found out today when I ran into him with guess who?”
“Kylie,” Emma growled. “I had heard rumors she was back in town and getting divorced. I wondered if Leland was why but didn’t say anything, hoping it was a coincidence.”
“It never is with those two.”
“I’m sorry, Aspen. I can’t imagine that was easy on you.”
“It felt like a punch to the gut, but . . . Miles was with me and he was . . .” I didn’t want to tell her about how Miles tried to protect me or the amazing hug that lasted for a few minutes, “nice.” I went with.
“Nice?” she snorted. “There is a story there, but you can tell me when you’re ready.”
I loved her. “I will. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck. Call me if you need anything.”
If she could get me a better father for my daughter, I would be forever grateful.