Chapter Twenty-Six
“Did you find a dress, Chloe?” Miles asked while we all sat down to a traditional English roast beef dinner, complete with roasted potatoes and Yorkshire pudding. What Miles meant when he offered to make dinner was that his chef would be preparing the feast before us that smelled divine.
Chloe poked her Yorkshire pudding, trying to figure out why pudding looked like a puffed piece of bread. “I did. It’s so pretty.”
It really was. She ended up picking out a handcrafted lace dress in deep rose.
“Mom even let me get some heels.”
It was a rite of passage for every girl. One I had been hoping to hold off on. Heels meant she wasn’t my little girl anymore.
Miles gave me a knowing grin that I didn’t return.
Why did he have to know me well enough to know how hard it was for me to watch Chloe take another step into womanhood?
And why did I want to cry on his shoulder about it?
He was my boss and I needed to treat him that way.
I was going to forget that his kiss had disintegrated the barriers protecting my heart, leaving me feeling emotionally raw.
It wasn’t real. I don’t think I was meant for real.
Miles narrowed his eyes when I didn’t return his look in kind.
I wanted to, but I focused on Chloe and Henry.
More than anything, I needed to keep it professional for their sakes.
Chloe needed me to have this job and maybe it was a grand delusion, but I thought Henry needed me too.
My sweet Henry, who was purposefully not eating his peas but licking the gravy off his hand until he got every last drop.
If I could have gotten away with it, I would have dunked my hands in the gravy bowl and licked them off too.
I wanted to know what that chef laced it with.
Whatever it was, I was going to get a bottle and do shots with it.
“Miles,” Chloe tucked some hair behind her ear, “do you think you could help me with my research paper about War of the Roses? I read that one of the books you wrote was a modern-day retelling of it.”
Miles looked absolutely delighted.
Me, not so much. We couldn’t afford entangling ourselves further with the man.
I couldn’t have more reasons to want to give him my heart.
Though A Rose for Every Season was a brilliant book—it was probably my second favorite of his—we didn’t need his insights.
“Honey, Miles is very busy right now. I can help you,” I answered before Miles could get a word in.
Miles dropped his fork and knife but recovered them quickly.
Chloe sighed. “Oh, okay. It’s just, I told my teacher I wanted that topic because we were friends with you, and she thought that was really neat because she’s read all your books.”
“Your mum has been misinformed.” Miles gave me a closed-lipped smile. “It’s actually she who will be busy. I need her to go over my manuscript before I continue. While she does that, I would be honored to help you.”
Oh. He. Was. Good. He knew how bad I wanted to get my hands on that manuscript.
Miles’s eyes said, what else do you got?
Chloe clapped her hands together. “Thank you! Thank you! You’re the best.”
Crap. What could I say after that? Not a thing. At least not then.
After dinner and putting Henry to bed, I met Miles in his office while Chloe was setting up our laptop and her notes downstairs. He had printed out a copy of his manuscript because he didn’t want digital copies of it floating around. That and I think he wanted a moment alone to talk.
I waited by his door, leaning against the frame.
He stared at me from his desk.
I tried keeping my eyes on my bare feet. Note to self, get some moisturizer on them stat and paint the toenails.
“Aspen, have I done something to upset you?”
Was he kidding? Yes, he had done something. He woke up the freaking giant living in my soul and she was confused. She didn’t know whether she should be seeking emotional intimacy or burying herself under the hundred different defense mechanisms she had created over the years.
I tipped my head up and dared to look at him. “I just feel it’s better if we keep things more professional between us.”
His shoulders slumped. “You are wiser than me.”
I wasn’t sure about that. All I wanted to do was push him in his chair, crawl onto his lap, and have a repeat of Friday night.
He grabbed a black folder on his desk and walked it over to me.
When he handed it to me, he kept ahold of it and my gaze.
A palpable heat simmered between us. His eyes shifted to my lips.
Did he ache to kiss me again? Maybe the words he’d spoken were for me, not Isabella.
I was surprised how much my heart wanted it to be so.
I almost asked him if that kiss was more than research for him.
“I wish for us to remain friends,” he pled, answering my unspoken question.
Friends. “Why is that so important to you?”
A soft expression washed over his face. “Because you’ve quickly become irreplaceable, one of the voices in my head, and friendship is all I can offer you without fear of hurting you.
” He let go of the folder, leaving it in my eager hands.
He took a step back. His face was a shade of pink as if he had said too much.
“Speaking of friends, I have a few mates visiting this week. They will be staying here. I look forward to you meeting them.”
Why was he so afraid he would hurt me? Perhaps . . . “Is it Penelope?”
Miles cleared his throat. “She is one of them.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Oscar and Molly will be joining her. We’ve all known each other since our university days.
They have a photo shoot in LA, and they are stopping by on their way over.
Penelope is a renowned photographer and Oscar and Molly are part of her team.
Oscar does amazing things with hair and Molly is an award-winning stylist.”
I held his manuscript to my chest. So many long forgotten and repressed emotions ran through me. Jealousy being the main one. “If you need us to, Chloe and I can stay at my parents so your friends can have the cottage.”
“Nonsense. There is plenty of room for them to stay here.”
There were only two guest rooms. Did that mean Penelope would be sharing his room?
I would like to have said I didn’t care where she slept, but that would have been a lie.
Maybe she was what kept Miles from being able to offer more than friendship.
Maybe he wished for them to be more, or perhaps they already were.
Surely, he wouldn’t have kissed me if they were, right?
He would have waited to do “research” with her.
Please don’t let him be a cheater. Even if that kiss meant nothing to him, it wouldn’t have been right if he was committed to someone.
I held up the folder. “I look forward to reading this.”
“Please be honest in your feedback.”
“You have my word.”
“You don’t know what that means to me.”
Did I have his? Had he been honest with me?
I sank into his couch, the same one where Miles had rocked my world, and stared at the folder, wondering if I was being that na?ve girl who had trusted Leland.
I stopped and thought about that. I had never trusted Leland.
It was worse, I thought I could change him and make him see I was the only girl he needed.
That would never be me again. I would never try and change someone’s mind about me.
If they didn’t want me, I would believe them right from the start.
I needed to believe Miles. He had the power to hurt me. I wouldn’t let that happen.
I opened the folder with great anticipation. I couldn’t believe I was getting a sneak peek of the sequel before anyone else. He hadn’t even sent it to his editor yet, and she was salivating for it. His publisher wanted to start doing promos and teasers, but they needed excerpts.
Before I could begin reading, I was drawn to the scene playing out at the kitchen island. There Miles and Chloe sat. He was looking over her outline. “You are well organized like your mum. And opinionated too, I see. You don’t seem to like Henry VI.”
Chloe sat up straight to make her case. That was my girl. “He was the King, but he did what everyone else said.”
“There may be a bit of truth there, but if you are going to do research, you must be unbiased. Look at his life from all angles. For instance, he was nine months old when he became king. Too young to even comprehend his responsibilities. He was also someone who valued peace, so perhaps he wasn’t weak willed, but shaped by his life experience. ”
Chloe scrunched her nose and thought for a moment. “That make sense. But Shakespeare didn’t like him either.”
Miles chuckled. “No, he did not, but Henry VI did found Oxford, so he can’t be that bad of a chap.
And just remember, dear Chloe, history turns on little hinges.
Sometimes we make decisions that in the moment may seem insignificant, but when we look back, we see how monumental they were.
As we study this ugly bit of British history, let us keep that in mind. ”
It was interesting to watch Chloe think about what he said, to see the respect she had for Miles in her eyes. “You’re really smart,” she commented.
“You think so?”
“Well, it could be your accent,” she teased.
Miles laughed loudly. “Cheeky girl.”
“Thank you, Miles,” she said sincerely. “I can see why my mom likes you.”
I dropped his manuscript. Why would she say that? Didn’t she know I could hear her?
Miles’s head jerked up; our eyes locked from across the room. “How can you tell that she does?” he asked her, still very much staring at me.
She shrugged. “She’s different around you. I think it’s because she’s not so lonely.” Chloe faced me now too and gave me a half smile. “I’m glad she doesn’t have to do everything alone now.”
My heart broke a little. I thought I’d been a better actor, but my daughter had seen through my brave front.
It appeared she knew me better than I knew myself.
My heart ached, wondering if she thought she wasn’t enough for me, because there was nothing further from the truth.
But there was something nice about having someone around to share responsibilities with.
Until tonight, never had anyone said, go read a book while I help Chloe with her homework.
Even at her last game, Miles picked up on something I missed as her mom and coach.
Had he not, the game could have turned out completely different.
Because of him, Chloe was the hero. The man brought laughter to our dinner table and car rides.
Henry too had added a dimension I hadn’t realized how badly I was missing.
The need to mother more little people. I never thought I would have the chance again, so I’d buried that desire like I had so many others.
Miles and Henry had both awoken something in me.
Maybe that’s what Chloe was seeing when she said I was different.
She was seeing a mother who allowed herself to feel and possibly even hope for the true desires of her heart.
But that couldn’t be with Miles, even if I was different around him.
Even if, like Chloe said, I did like him.
I liked him very much. How could I not? There he sat with my daughter giving her priceless wisdom along with his time.
He valued my opinions and treated me with respect.
He even endured my criticisms of him and tried to change.
He was different than any man I had ever known.
But he was my boss. And that’s all he would ever be.