Chapter Thirty-Two
I didn’t sleep well at all, so I gave up tossing and turning around five in the morning and decided I would properly thank Miles and make him some orange scones for breakfast. By all accounts Chloe had the best time.
Apparently, Miles was the life of the party, getting them all to do a Congo line and the Macarena.
Chloe giggled in my bed about it until she fell asleep there.
She hadn’t done that in forever. I watched her sleep most of the night as Penelope’s words ran through my mind.
It wasn’t only my heart on the line, it was Chloe’s too.
I could tell she was becoming fond of Miles.
That she wished for a father figure like him in her life.
I think Chloe was right—I needed to tell him the truth, but after his friends went home.
Well, one friend in particular. I was tempted to back out of going to the comedy club with them tonight, but my friends were curious about Miles’s friends, especially the ex-lover.
I’ll tell you this, she had some nerve. You would never catch me staying at Leland’s house, and that’s not only because he couldn’t afford a house.
Miles said he would take care of Henry this morning when he woke up, but I couldn’t help but head over to check on him.
I missed the tyke, and there was nothing like his sweet smile first thing in the morning.
I let Chloe sleep in since her game wasn’t until mid-afternoon.
I arranged some scones on a plate and wrote a thank you card for Miles before I made my way to the main house.
The trek each morning on the cobblestone path was getting colder and colder.
My hoodie and athletic pants were barely adequate to keep me from shivering.
When I walked in through the mudroom, I was surprised to hear voices so early on a Saturday. More surprising was to hear my name. I stopped and listened more intently. It sounded like Miles and Oscar were in the kitchen.
“Bloody hell, what a mess you’ve created for yourself. Why don’t you just fire Aspen already then?” Oscar asked.
My breath ceased, waiting to see what Miles would say.
“Believe me, if that would solve the problem, I would do it now.”
The plate and scones dropped to the tile floor, making an earsplitting clang when the plate broke in several pieces.
Dammit. I stood there looking at the broken glass and crumbled scones, shaking, not sure what to do.
He wanted to fire me? Penelope was right.
I was a na?ve poppet. In my panicked state, I left the mess and headed for the door.
Miles and Oscar came rushing in to investigate before I could escape. Their wide eyes looked between the mess on the floor and me.
I didn’t even bother looking at Oscar, it was only Miles who needed to hear what I had to say. “I quit.”
I ran out the door before I could even comprehend what I just did.
But on some level, I must have known since I burst into tears.
The ramifications began to swirl in my mind as I ran toward the cottage.
The most beautiful place I had ever lived.
The place where my daughter slept peacefully, not knowing her mom was disrupting her life.
And then there was Henry. How was I going to leave him? A loud sob escaped me.
“Aspen,” Miles called after me. “Please, stop.”
Not happening. I had to pack and disappoint my daughter. After that I needed to figure out what was wrong with me. Or buy a cockroach. Probably both.
Miles caught up to me. He grabbed my hand moments before I made it to the cottage’s front porch.
“Bloody hell, woman.” He turned me toward him.
Did I mention he was only wearing pajama pants?
He chased after me barefoot and half-naked.
By how perky his pecks were and all the goosebumps that covered him, I would say he was uncomfortable to say the least. I was so heartsick, though, I didn’t even care how beautiful his body was or that he must have been freezing.
He pulled me toward him, though I put up a fight. “Aspen, what’s happened? Why would you quit?” His teeth chattered.
“I figured I would beat you to the punch. I heard you tell Oscar you wished you could fire me.” I yanked my hand away from him.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “What you heard was taken out of context.”
“Was it? Because Penelope said this would happen.”
His jaw clenched. “Please, let’s go inside and discuss this.”
“No. It was a mistake to think I could work for you. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t have feelings for you. That I don’t want to entangle our lives, romantically, emotionally, and every other way. But I’m going to believe you and leave before you hurt me.”
Miles’s shivering ceased. He stepped closer.
“Why do you think I said I want to fire you? I hate having that bloody contract between us, but I know it’s what keeps you safe from me.
If you think for one second that I don’t want you, that you don’t keep me up at night wishing you were sharing my bed, wishing I could be the man you deserve, then you are sorely mistaken.
Never before has a woman bewitched me the way you have. ”
He ran the back of his cold hand down my wet cheek. “From the moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you, more than just reminding me of Isabella. Your goodness became more apparent as I’ve watched how you’ve taken care of Henry and me.”
He drew closer to me, taking my face in his shaky hands.
“Then the night we kissed.” He leaned down as if he wanted to relive it.
Our breath mingled between us. “I thought I could simply walk away from it unchanged, but I can’t stop thinking about you.
The connection was something I’d never felt before.
In that kiss, you so willingly gave yourself to me and I realized you deserved that in return.
Aspen,” he whispered, “I don’t know if I can be that man.
Like your ex-husband, I’ve been a selfish bastard my entire life.
I would never subject you to someone like him again.
And like my father, I can’t keep my eyes off the nanny.
What kind of man does that make me?” He dropped his hands and backed away.
“You’re not Leland or your father.”
He hung his head. “I’m afraid I am.”
I took his hand in mine and held it against my heart that was about to beat out of my chest. “Believe me when I say you are no Leland. He would have never canceled his plans to take Chloe last night, and she’s his flesh and blood.
He wouldn’t have stopped that night we kissed.
He would have taken all he could get, not caring that he planned to break my heart.
And how can you say you’re like your father?
He was a married man when he pursued your mother. ”
“That is one sin that I have not committed.”
“What sins do you think you’ve committed?”
He pulled his hand away from me. The heavy breaths he released in the cold air lingered between us. “Most of my life I’ve done what I wanted, caring very little about others. There have been exceptions, but even then, I’ve still hurt them. Take Penelope, for example.”
My forehead crinkled at the sound of her name.
“I couldn’t commit to her the way she wanted. I haven’t been able to commit to any woman for long.”
“Maybe you haven’t found the right woman.”
“I have found her.” His anguished eyes peered into my own. “She lives and breathes in front of me this very moment. I wish I could write myself to be the man you deserve. But we are not my characters, and as much as I wish it, I know I’m not the man you need.”
“You’re wrong,” my voice cracked. “You’ve been the man I needed since the day you came into my life.
No man has ever treated me with such deference.
You have made me feel like your equal despite our very different financial situations.
More importantly, you helped me recognize my worth.
And the way you’ve treated my daughter has meant more to me than you will ever know.
I know you aren’t a perfect man, but you are a good man.
I see it in everything you do for Henry, Chloe, and me.
And maybe it’s not your nature to think of others before yourself, but you are trying and that in and of itself says more about who you really are.
It makes you the man I not only need, but want. ”
His entire body shook, but not from the cold, it was as if he could hardly believe what I was saying. “I don’t want to try only to end up failing you. I won’t hurt you.”
I released a heavy breath. My hopes were dashed.
“If that’s how you feel, then you already have.
I’ll work for you until you can find a nanny to replace me,” I could barely say it through the raw emotion coursing through me and pouring down my face.
The thought of leaving Henry and Miles was a pain I had never known.
Miles took my hand. “Aspen, please reconsider. Henry needs you. I need you. We can remain friends.”
“No, Miles, we can’t. I’m always going to want to be more than your friend. And I want to be more than needed. I need to be wanted. I deserve a man who will risk it all for me.”
“You are mistaken if you don’t think that I want you. I have never wanted anyone more. If I could, I would give anything to be with you.”
“Then give anything.”
He gave me a pained stare. His beautiful chest was raising and lowering at a mad pace.
I waited and watched him shiver in the cold. His mouth parted several times as if he was going to speak, but in the end, he walked away. I didn’t watch him go. I refused to witness another man walking away from me.
“Are you going to put Henry down today?” Emma asked while we were doing backward jogging with the girls to help them warm up before the game.