Chapter 16 Xavier
I cum in my pants like a teenager. My legs and arms feel like jelly.
It’s been so long since I have been touched, and even then, it was nothing like this.
I know in my head that I should have fought more, that I should have resisted when he started kissing me in the living room.
But I don’t. I don’t think I could have even if I had tried.
He is all-consuming. Truth be told, I want someone to take care of me for once.
To choose me. And that seems like what Declan is offering.
Was it crazy? Yes. Was it too fast? Also yes.
When he rips my shirt off, I almost came then and there.
His body weight on me makes me feel owned.
I’ve always been attracted to larger guys, men who would take charge.
Declan takes my fantasies to a whole other level.
“What do you want from me?”
He runs his tongue down my neck and then bites where it meets my shoulder. I can’t help the groan that leaves me. “Everything,” he says.
“I don’t know what that means.”
He releases my hands, pushes up on his elbows, and looks down at me. “I mean everything, Xavier. All of you.”
He says it like it’s the only answer I need. He can have anyone. He’s rich and powerful. I’ve heard stories of how ruthless his family is in business. Hell, just last month, there were headlines about a hostile takeover of a major real estate company. So this fixation on me makes no sense.
With one more kiss, he releases my hands and gets up.
He looks at my debauched state. My shirt is ripped, and I know my hair must be a mess.
I feel so many things at once; they contradict each other.
I feel emotionally violated, and yet I want it.
I feel too warm under his body, but mourn the loss of it when he moves away.
I want to run, but my body won’t move. I hate the way he touched me, but I want to feel his hands on me again.
He said I could have left, but part of me never wants to.
No one has ever fought for me like this.
“You’ll be ready on time tomorrow.”
“I can’t. I have a job at the café. I can’t just not show up.
You can’t just dictate everything in my life.
” I don’t really have anywhere else to go, so I’ll stay here for a while.
Hopefully, it won’t take me too long to save up enough money to find another apartment.
I just need it to happen before Declan gets bored with whatever this obsession with me is.
I know that I am not going to survive whatever this is whole.
“Why are you so stubborn?”
“Why are you so bossy and controlling?”
“It’s my nature.”
I have a feeling that he will try to sabotage my job at the café. Declan Murphy is the type of man who always gets what he wants. He wants me to work for him, to be totally under his control. I can’t let that happen.
“I’ll agree to stay here for now, but I’ll be keeping my job until I find something else. And before you say anything, no, that job will not be at Murphy Enterprises.” I stand firm in my resolve. I wouldn’t put it past him to get me fired.
“We’ll see.” And with that parting shot, Declan leaves the bedroom.
I’m too stunned to move at first, and by the time I get my legs under me, he’s already left the apartment.
I rake my hands through my hair and tug hard.
The pain grounds me slightly. How the hell have I gotten myself into this situation?
I need to talk with someone, and Jess is the only person in my life I can count on.
I pull my phone from my pocket—well, not my phone, but the only one I have.
I open the contacts. I’ve only got a handful, so I’m surprised to see that Ronan has added several more to my list. I briefly met three of Declan’s cousins at the club and then Ronan at the apartment.
But I have no idea who Duncan, Alessia, and Kieran are, or why they were added to my contact list. I repeat the names in my head, and then the light bulb goes off.
Duncan Murphy, CEO and owner of Murphy Enterprises, is now a contact in my phone.
That means the other two have to be the aunt and uncle Declan told me about.
If I call one of them, will they help me out of my current situation?
Or will they see me as a liability that would cause issues for their family?
Jess, I need to talk with Jess. I quickly hit the call button.
“Hello?”
“Oh my God, Jess, I’m freaking out here!” As soon as I hear her voice, I lose it and start spewing the last seven hours to her. I tell her almost everything. I leave out the part where I came in my pants, but all the other facts are there.
“Calm down, Xav. Your information dump just fried my already tired brain.”
“What do I do?”
“Didn’t I just tell you to calm down. Are you in any danger right this minute? Is he still in the apartment?”
“No to both.”
“Okay, then we have time to figure this out. I honestly think you are freaking out way too much about it. You have not only a rich, powerful guy claiming you, but he is also one of the hottest guys I’ve ever met in real life.” Jess gives a wistful sigh. I can’t help but scoff.
“This is not one of your gay werewolf romance novels where they claim their mate, Jess.”
“But it’s close. You have to be the only gay man in the world who doesn’t like that trope.
Look, you know I love you, you’re my best friend.
Your life has been one big pile of shit, and now you have an opportunity that most of us can only dream of.
Yes, he has gone about it in an unconventional way, but he seems sincere.
Why else would he have already had an apartment set up for you? ”
“To control me?”
“Sure, but maybe it’s because he cares and really does like you.
I think you’ve had so many bad things happen to you that you don’t recognize when something good comes your way.
I’m not saying don’t be careful. Because I want you to be safe.
I suggest that you don’t do anything right now.
Try getting to know him instead of just pushing him away on principle and pride. ”
“It’s self-preservation, not pride.”
“Is it really? No offense, but you kinda hit rock bottom this week. Who was there to help you? It sure as fuck wasn’t your mother. Do you think Mal would have been so kind to you?”
Just the mention of my ex makes me grit my teeth.
He had always made comments about my financial situation but never offered to help.
Every date we went on, we went Dutch, which was fine.
I didn’t mind paying my own way. But whenever I told him I didn’t have the money to do what he wanted, he never offered to pay for me or even to lend me the money to go.
I later found out that on those occasions, he took one of his many hook-ups.
Was Jess right? Was my pride getting in the way of something good?
“What happens when he gets tired of me, and we both know that will happen sooner or later.”
“Who’s to say? Every relationship has a chance to end. You ended things with Mal and survived. Ask yourself this: What happens if a relationship with Declan is your destiny, your chance at happiness, and you throw it away because you are scared to take a chance?”
“I just don’t see that as a possibility. We are from two different worlds.” My reasoning doesn’t feel resolute even to me.
“My advice is to give it a go and see what happens. My couch will always be available if it doesn’t work out. I’m here for you. And if he hurts you, I’ll stab him with my new high heels.”
“Thanks, Jess. I need to go. I have to get up early in the morning. Even if I stay here, I am not working for him.”
“That actually might be for the best. Call me tomorrow.”
I catch my reflection in the wall of windows.
My shirt is hanging in tatters, and my pants are noticeably wet at the crotch.
I’m a mess. Deciding to take a shower and go to bed, I head back to the bedroom.
I glance at the bed, and the image of Declan pressing me into the mattress hits my brain like a sledgehammer.
Desire runs through me, and I have to turn away.
What the fuck am I doing here? I should be running to Jess’s and sleeping on her too-small couch.
Declan is too intense. I don’t know if I can handle it.
But there is also something in that intensity that I crave.
Shower, then sleep, I remind myself. I wish that I could say that I took a quick shower and didn’t think about Declan’s hands on me, but that would have been a lie.