Chapter 10
My legs felt a little wobbly for the next five minutes as I stared at the ground and chugged from a water bottle JP somehow produced.
“You’re okay, you’re on the ground,” JP said, rubbing my back and shoulders with his large hands. “Solid ground.”
“I’m sorry,” I sputtered between sips of water.
His face cracked in confusion. “Why?”
“I completely ruined it for you,” I said with a snort, not daring to look up at him.
“Hey, no, don’t say that. You didn’t.” He pulled me in for a hug, but I had a hard time reciprocating. “We had a good time. You should be proud we made it to the top.”
“Ugh, I’m sorry,” I grumbled against him, feeling a huge dose of self-loathing. My total freak out was replaying on a loop in my brain, making me feel more embarrassed by the second.
He rubbed my back while his body let out a low rumble of a chuckle. “Stop apologizing, Ali. You have nothing to be sorry for. C’mon, let’s get going.”
We shuffled toward the car in awkward silence. I didn’t know what else to say to fix this day.
“Need more water?” he asked.
I shook my head.
He gave me a gentle grin. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I rubbed my forehead in frustration. “I wanted you to see, ya know?” I blurted out.
“To see why I like traveling and experiencing new things so much.” I always avoided going up inside the castle, but I pushed myself today because I knew he’d probably enjoy it.
“But I just…and I freaked out, and you… and I…” My shoulders dropped.
“You were really sweet, but I feel like I just made a fool of myself.”
“No,” he automatically said. He tugged me into his side as we walked and dropped a kiss on my hair. “I’m glad I could be there for you, I promise. You have nothing to worry about. Put it all out of your mind right now, okay?”
My face scrunched in worry anyway.
“What else? Let’s hear it,” he said with a small chuckle.
I swallowed hard. “I'm embarrassed.”
“Don’t be. I’m not judging at all.” He slowed to a stop. “Can I be honest?”
I gave a small, tentative nod.
“I was sitting there thinking, wasn’t she always afraid of heights?
Well, I guess I don’t know her anymore. And I almost felt a little…
sad about it?” He squinted, like he was unsure of what he was saying.
“Not sad that you got over a fear,” he added quickly, “just sad that I didn’t know how you got over it, ya know?
I don’t know if that makes any sense.” He shook his head.
“But when you freaked out, I thought…” His hand went to his mouth to cover a chuckle.
“I thought, yupp, this is my Ali.” He gave me a sheepish grin, and my embarrassment finally started to fade.
I gave him a little hip check. “Wow, you were relieved I freaked out.”
His face went slack. “What? No, I—”
“I’m kidding.” I gave him a small smile. “Thank you, JP,” I said earnestly.
“No problem.” He gave me his signature lopsided grin. “Let’s hit the road. You driving?”
My eyebrows popped up. “You trust me now?”
He grinned. “Always have, always will.”
_________
After arriving back in Cobh, we still had a little time to kill before we had to board the ship. We hiked up to the beautiful church that overlooked the town and took in the beautiful scenery: the colorful houses, the bustling shops, and the ocean in the distance. It was perfect.
On our way back into town, we stopped to buy powdered croissants and some iced Americanos.
We sat on a park bench overlooking the pier, enjoying the breeze while the sun beamed down on us.
I felt so comfortable with him that it was actually crazy.
Then again, that's how it’d always been between us.
He had a way of completely disarming my guard until I told him everything.
“Thank you for today,” I said, blushing behind my drink.
“Thank you, Al.” His heavy hand landed on my knee. “This place is…wow.” He shook his head. “I feel like I’m meant to be here, like this place could be my home.” He let out a little chuckle. “Gotta bring my dad here one day, eh?”
“You should.” I stared at his side profile for a minute, feeling a little pain in my chest. “I’ve never felt that way.”
His eyes pulled together. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I’m always thinking, How did I get here?
I’m not supposed to be here. So, I keep searching, keep moving.
I’m just a homeless nomad,” I joked. It was true even back in Michigan.
I could remember lying beside my ex-husband in bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling an intense need to run.
He licked his lips and cocked his head to the side. “Being a wanderer isn’t looking so bad right now.” He waved his powdered croissant in front of us, gesturing to the water. “This is beautiful.”
I smiled as I leaned my head against his shoulder. “It is, isn’t it?”
He paused for a beat, and I could feel his body tense. “One thing could make it better.”
“Yeah?” I popped up to look at him.
Nodding, his eyes dropped to my lips, and then he was leaning in to kiss me. He tasted like powdered sugar and sunshine. There was the perfect push and pull between us, and I sensed neither of us wanted it to end.
When we finally broke apart, he let out a sigh. “Damn.” He pulled my legs over his lap and rested his hand on top of my thigh. “Best fucking day.”
A laugh popped out of me as I smoothed some sugar away from his lips with my thumb. “I like that,” I said, resting my palm on his face.
“Kissing?” He turned and planted a little kiss on my wrist.
“Well, yeah, but also…” I bit my lip.
“Also…” he coaxed, arching an eyebrow.
I breathed out a sigh, debating whether or not to confide in him.
“You can tell me anything. No judgement, remember?”
I tilted my head to the side. “You just…you say how you feel when you feel it,” I explained. “And it helps me get out of my head. Like, instead of me sitting here freaking out and wondering if you enjoyed that kiss as much as I did, you just say it, so I know. It’s nice.”
“I fuckin’ loved it,” he said, making a warm bubble grow in my chest. He made it feel like my overthinking and little quirks weren’t a problem, but something that he actually found endearing. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, too,” he said, dropping another quick kiss on my lips. “Thanks for telling me.”
“You’re really not judging me, are you?”
“I’m really not,” he said, taking the last sip of his coffee.
“Okay, well…” I trailed off.
“Say it,” he challenged me.
Gathering up my courage, I said, “Let’s keep doing this.”
He laughed and his eyes danced with happiness. “I agree, babe.”
That word, the way he said it, felt like a flash right to my core. It was a certain type of flash I hadn’t felt in years.
“That’s a dangerous look, Al,” he said in a husky voice.
“Is it?” I asked, my eyes locking on his.
His throat bobbed with a swallow. He nodded slowly. “Makes me want to do everything with you,” he said in a low voice, “and I don't know if you actually want everything.”
“I do,” I automatically said. I didn’t even have to think about it.
He looked shell-shocked, like his brain short-circuited for a second with this new information.
I gave him a little pat on the chest and grinned. His eyes darted right to my hand. “I really do…” I said before popping up from the bench and strutting away.
As I walked, I felt him come up behind me and grab me up. I fell against him laughing while he kissed my neck.