Chapter 18 A Friend’s Funeral #3
She squeezed her eyes shut and inched backwards, away from me. On closer inspection, her whole body was shaking. I really fucking hoped that response was because of the cold air, but I had a feeling it wasn’t. All I wanted was to hug her, but I knew that was the last thing she needed.
Her red-rimmed eyes narrowed on me. “Are you mad?”
“Am I…” I blew out a breath and raked a hand over my hair. “Mad? At you? No. Not at all. I swear. But…” I stared at her. “Shocked? Scared? Confused? Yes,” I choked out. “Are you mad?”
Her eyes widened, like she was surprised by the question. Standing a little straighter, she shoved her hair behind her ears and fixed me with a long hard look. “Yes, I’m mad at you.” Her shoulders rose and fell with a breath. “But I guess we should talk.”
Fuck.
My mind whirled as I followed her to a small rust bucket of a car.
As soon as she unlocked it, I wordlessly folded myself into her small passenger seat.
Her hands trembled as she started up the car and blasted the heat.
Being in a car with her filled me with a sense of deja-vu from our travels in Ireland.
But unlike the carefree vibes between us in the summer, a tense awkwardness now filled the car.
“Is this yours?” I tried.
“It’s a rental.”
Of course it was a rental, she lived on a boat for the last decade of life.
“I’ll pay for everything, let me take care of you,” I blurted out. Was that how I was supposed to start? Now I wasn’t so sure.
“You don’t even know if it’s yours,” she said quietly.
“Don’t care.” The words flew out of my mouth, but I didn’t take them back. “But I think it is? Am I wrong?” My heart hammered erratically against my chest, waiting for her answer.
“I wasn’t with anyone else. That week wasn’t usual for me.”
I shook my head. “What does that mean?”
She covered her face with her hands. “That was the first time since…”
“Since him?” I asked hesitantly. I had a feeling that was the case back in July, but I didn’t want to pry or risk bringing up bad memories by asking her.
She nodded.
“Okay, so, you’re pregnant.”
She whimpered and her hands flew to her temples. “I am not used to that word yet.”
“With my…” I held off on saying baby.
She laid her forehead against the wheel of the car.
“Wait…” Seeing her in the driver's seat had my stomach twisting in pain. “You were going to run away?” She knew how I felt about that. She of all people knew all about my abandonment issues. “You weren’t even going to tell me?” I couldn’t keep the betrayal out of my voice.
“Well, I don’t know, Jameson,” she snapped.
Her brown eyes went a little wild. “I just found out, like, five days ago, so please, give me a fucking break. I haven’t even thought that far.
All I know is that I’m doing this. I’m not asking you to do anything.
I didn’t ask you to chase me out here, you wanted to do that. ”
I stared at her.
“What?” she snapped defensively.
My eyes drifted to her abdomen. “How did it take you so long to figure out? What about your period?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve never been regular, probably because of skating.
I have no clue when my next period will ever come.
Sometimes it's four weeks, sometimes it’s eight, most times I just don’t pay attention because there's usually no reason for me to. I didn’t think I could…
” She choked up. “It never happened in the past. I thought I couldn’t have a baby.
And I thought I was overeating and gaining weight because I was sad because of you.
” Her pointed glare had me shrinking back in my seat. “So cut me some slack here, okay?”
Feeling like a total asshole, I nodded hurriedly. “Yeah, okay, sorry.”
But that response had her crying.
“No, Ali.” I reached to comfort her but pulled back. I didn’t know how to handle this kind of situation.
“I wanted this. I just…not like this.” She shook her head. “And I know that’s a stupid thing to complain about. It’s the fucking hormones. I can’t stop fucking crying. This is all your fault,” she blubbered.
My eyebrows pulled together. “My fault?”
“Your stupid idea! Your stupid”—her eyes dipped down—“dick!”
I grimaced. “I’m sorry. I thought we were careful.” I swallowed hard. “We used condoms.”
“I guess they don’t always work,” she said bitterly.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, because what else could I say?
“Me too. But now I’m out of a job, and I don’t have a place to stay, and I don’t know—” She shuddered. “I don’t know anything, JP.”
She was spiraling and stress wasn’t good for the…yeah. “C’mon, let’s go.”
Her eyebrows pulled together. “Go where?”
“To get some coney dogs.” My eyes darted to her abdomen. “Wait, fuck, can you eat hot dogs?”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re pregnant,” I said slowly.
She froze. “I don’t know.” More tears erupted out of her eyes. “I haven’t been careful. What if I hurt it? Oh my God.” Her hand shot to her mouth.
“You didn’t know, it’s okay,” I said as soothingly as I could. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I’m sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the wheel.
“No, no, no, I’m not sorry. How do I always end up apologizing when I’m the one who's mad?” she said in a frustrated voice.
“You are the one who crashed into my life. You made me fall for you, and then you didn’t even want to try to be together, and I’m the one whose life is a complete and utter disaster now. ”
As I replayed her little tirade, all I could focus on was the fact that she fell for me. She fell for me, and I was the one who fucked it all up. I vowed right then to fix it. Even if it took the rest of my life, I’d make it up to her.
I reached out to hold her, but she flinched away. My jaw went slack. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise,” I tried. “You’re the furthest thing from a disaster.”
She gave me a deadpan look. “I’m currently living out of a suitcase, and now I’m worried I hurt it.”
“Ali, you didn’t, I swear—” My phone started ringing, cutting me off. Pulling it out, Colt’s name and picture flashed across the screen like a beacon for help. Perfect timing, buddy.
Quickly answering, I said, “Hey, question—”
“No, do not tell anyone,” Ali interrupted while trying her best to wipe up her face.
I pulled my phone from my ear. “But it’s Colt, they just had Callahan. All the baby stuff will be fresh in his mind.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t tell Mer or Piper, so you can’t tell the guys before I tell them.” Her shoulders hitched up. “I haven’t been a good friend. This will just be the icing on the cake. I need to just go, because I—”
“Ali,” I cut her off. “Stop. You are a good friend.” I could hear Colt’s voice on the other end of the phone.
I quickly hung up on him. “And everyone wants you here, especially me, all right? And they’re gonna know anyway.
I give them about an hour before they start piecing things together, maybe less. ”
“What? How?” she squeaked.
I snuck a peek down at her chest and grimaced. “Your boobs were kinda a hit.”
“With who?” she whimpered.
“Piper was going to ask for the surgeon you went to for your supposed boob job,” I said, and she let out a wobbly laugh while wiping her eyes.
“And then Colt saw me panicking when I went for that water. Actually, I give it about five minutes before they start asking questions. Do you wanna go back in?”
She sucked in a shaky breath and shook her head. “No, let’s just get out of here. I’m not ready.”
With a nod, I popped open the rusty car door.
“Wait, where are you going?” she asked confusedly.
“C’mon, I’m driving.”
She hesitated.
“Your hands are shaking, Ali,” I said calmly. “Let me drive?”
Taking in a deep breath, she followed after me, but her face was still creased with worry.