Chapter 15 #2
Several others spoke—including a few orcs—but after a while, I realized I wasn’t listening to their words. Why? Because I was staring at my Mate as a sense of certainty grew in my chest.
It was as if my Kteer was urging me to stand, to speak.
Why the fuck would I do that?
I had no plan, nothing in particular I needed to say. There’d been nothing I could say that hadn’t been said already, and it would basically be me making a fool of myself, saying I agreed with Jocelyn because she was fucking brilliant.
Maybe that’s all you need to say.
Huh.
Maybe…maybe my Kteer was urging me to speak in support of her plan, not because I would say anything mind-changing…but just because I needed to say the words?
I took a deep breath, and I swear I caught her scent.
My gaze slammed to the front of the room, and yeah, Jocelyn was looking right at me.
Her expression was carefully blank; I could read the sorrow in her eyes, but there was also cautious pride there, as if she wasn’t quite sure how to feel. Or maybe she was trying to hide how she felt from me. Maybe the sorrow was there only because she was looking at me?
So I held her gaze.
And slowly, I grinned, allowing my pride in her to show.
We were surrounded by a hundred and fifty people, all perched on those flimsy little folding chairs in a room where the air conditioner ran too loudly and the ceiling tiles had been repaired one too many times…
and it was as if none of that mattered. It was just me and Jocelyn, staring into one another’s eyes.
Slowly, her shoulders straightened, her chin came up, and I nodded once, in approval. And her lips? Fuck me, those kissable, delicious lips? They slowly curled into a shy sort of smile.
And I knew then.
It didn’t matter what I said, not to the rest of the people in this room. But Jocelyn? She had to hear me say it.
So I stood up and, without dropping her gaze, pushed my way past the knees and teasing murmurs from my friends, to make my way to the podium.
Of course, once there, I felt fucking ridiculous.
I’d never, not once in my life, stood in front of this many people and had to speak.
Gods below. Don’t pass out.
Right.
I took a deep breath, leaned too close to the microphone, and began.
“I’ve been here on Eastshore only since last November, but I like it here.
” When my friends nodded emphatically in agreement, I exhaled and glanced to my left, where Jocelyn sat, watching me warily.
“I’m a heavy equipment operator for Butch Holdings, and that’s how I got involved in this project—I was supposed to dig out the foundation for the lighthouse. ”
Slowly, I began to relax, realizing I was speaking directly to my Mate, and it didn’t matter if these people happened to be listening in.
“I’ve spent my entire life moving dirt around, and it never once occurred to me to look inside that dirt.” My lips twitched. “But Jocelyn sees stuff like that that no one else sees, and I think that’s pretty incredible.”
Something she told me triggered a memory, and I swung my attention back to the watching crowd.
“Did you know that the most-found artifact at lighthouse digs is packages that food or drinks used to come in? Tins and bottles and stuff like that, which can tell archaeologists a lot about supply routes and lifestyles in the area during that time.” I huffed a small laugh.
“There’s no way I would’ve known that, unless I’d been smart enough to sit down and listen to Jocelyn when she talks about this kind of shit. ”
I winced, remembering there were kids like Jay and Milo in the room, and I probably should watch my language.
“I mean…Jocelyn has only been on Eastshore for two weeks, but she’s become part of this community in the same way I have.
She understands not just the history, but what we need.
She’s done this before and understands how to make these kinds of things profitable.
So…” I shrugged. “I think we’d be stupid not to listen to her suggestions. ”
Remembering the way my heart had clenched at her pain earlier this afternoon in my apartment, I turned to meet Jocelyn’s gaze, my voice still pitched for the microphone.
“To be fair, if the town council doesn’t take Joss’s suggestions, it might mean she’ll stick around to try harder next month, and that’s definitely in my best interest.” I winked at her. “But that wouldn’t be in Eastshore Isle’s best interest.”
There were tears in her eyes, and when Jocelyn pressed her fingertips to her lips, I wanted nothing more than to stomp over there, pull her hands in mine, and cover those lips with mine.
But this wasn’t about me and my wants, or even my stupid Kteer. This was about Jocelyn and her success. And I would do anything I could to support that.
So I turned back to the big room filled with friends, family, and some strangers, and I nodded once, firmly.
“Jocelyn knows what she’s doing—she has a lot of experience with this—and she’s done a shit-ton— Uh, sorry.
She’s done a lot of research and studying since she’s been on Eastshore, so she can point us in the right direction of people who can do this work. I think we all ought to listen to her.”
I realized what I was saying.
Had I listened to her? Had I heard what she’d been saying?
Oh, not about the lighthouse, but her objections to—to everything?
She’d stood in my home and told me that I would grow tired of her, cast her aside like that asshole of an ex who’d hurt her.
I’d told her that was impossible, but I hadn’t listened to her worries…
I hadn’t explained why those worries were impossible. I couldn’t grow tired of her because she was my Mate.
So I shifted again, meeting her gaze once more, and allowed her to see my feelings. “I think we ought to listen to her, because I’m sorry I’ve done a shit—sorry, done a poor job of listening to her. I hope I get the chance to apologize.”
There were murmurings behind me, and I swear from the corner of my eye I saw Sakkara grinning as they all realized I wasn’t talking about the lighthouse anymore. And maybe Jocelyn realized that too because she’d dropped her gaze to her lap…
“Excuse me,” she murmured, suddenly standing. “I need to…”
She swallowed, and then, without glancing up at me, at the council, at anyone, she hurried down the aisle toward the door out to the hallway.
As she slid through it, I abandoned my place at the podium. I hadn’t explained, hadn’t listened. I’d dismissed her very real fears because I assumed she’d understood what my confession had meant, and I was running out of time to explain.
As I strode down the aisle after her, I heard the murmurs turn to cheers, my friends teasing and clapping as they realized what I was declaring with my actions.
Jocelyn was my Mate, and I needed to prove it to her.
Jocelyn
I was sobbing by the time I made it to the hallway, but they weren’t the tears of despair from earlier in the day. No, this time I was crying for a different reason…or maybe my body was just programed for tears right now, and I would cry over anything, I don’t know.
But Brakkor’s words….
Oh my God, Brakkor’s support. The way he believed in me? The way he praised me, standing there in front of all those people? He stood there and declared his belief in me, championed me…
I don’t think anyone but Kesha had ever done that for me before.
How could I have compared him to Chad? How could I have doubted him?
Brakkor wasn’t like Chad; he wasn’t saying one thing while thinking another. He was crude and brash and impolite at times, but that was because he was brutally honest. He didn’t sugarcoat things, he didn’t lie…and he would never, ever break his word.
Because he wasn’t an asshole. He was just Brakkor.
And I needed to stop judging him by what Chad had done to me.
Which is why when I felt him approach—how’d I know it was him? Maybe it was that knowing Korrad had spoken of—I turned and threw myself, sobbing, into his arms.
And Brakkor wrapped himself around me, pulled me close, and buried his face in my hair. “I’m sorry, Kitten. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I should have listened when you said—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I sobbed, clutching his chest. “I was stupid! You’re not Chad, and you’re not going to get tired of me.”
“You’re damn right I’m not going to get tired of you.
” He pulled me away, then moved his hands to cup my cheeks, his fingertips pressing against my spine.
“Joss, you’re my Mate. I’ve spent my life thinking that Mating is bullshit, and that all I needed was the chase, but I was wrong.
You taught me that—loving you taught me that.
I realized I never explained what Mating was, because I honestly didn’t understand it either, but—”
“Your brother explained,” I managed to rasp hoarsely, my tears done, and my heart beating double-time as I latched on to that casual loving you comment, hardly daring to hope. “He said finding your Mate is like…biological. It’s part of who you are.”
Brakkor was nodding. “It means we’re connected now, and you’ll be a part of me for the rest of my life.
” His hold on me tightened, and his voice became rough, as if he couldn’t quite breathe.
“Joss, I know I have no right to ask for anything from you, and if you go back home, I’ll respect your choice… but it’s going to hurt like fuck.”
I felt my lips curving upward, despite the tear tracks on my face, and my palm moved to his cheek. “How could I think anywhere else but here was home?” I murmured.
It wasn’t until his eyes flared green—was that part of the Mating thing?—that I realized I’d said it out loud.
“You mean it?” he whispered. “You’ll forgive me?”
“I’m the one who needs forgiving.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry I compared you to Chad. I was remembering that pain, and I was desperate to protect myself. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you. Oh, Brakkor, I’m so sorry.”