Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kit
“Katherine, I love you,” he whispered. The air between them was heavy, the seams of their connection were so visible to her eye. But somewhere in the deeper recesses of her heart, she knew it wouldn’t last. It thrilled and repelled her to hear him say it.
She looked at the curve of muscle on his arms that reminded her of those Italian statues of the Greek gods, the neat knuckles on his hands that sat on her bare thigh. But now she was with him. She had captivated him. But she also knew she did not belong with the gods like him.
She allowed herself to imagine him with the girls of his past, and her chest would tighten.
How could she, Kit, be enough for him? It did not occur to Kit that her infatuation with Ryo might not be universal.
One day she would understand that each person’s preferences were different.
But this would not be clear to her for many years yet.
“I love you too,” she said back, her voice quiet as a mouse.
If she didn’t say it loudly, it wouldn’t hold her down, she could run away from it if it all became too much.
She glanced up at the clock again. Just twenty minutes now until her ride to the airport.
A tear fell down her cheek, and more began to follow.
She was swallowed up with what felt like sorrow, but she fought the feeling of relief too.
Everything was happening so fast: college, Ryo, her distance from Sabrina.
“I’ll be jumping on a plane to Philly in no time.”
She nodded. And sniffed loudly, a giant, noisy mess of mucus up her nasal passage.
“So sexy.” He smiled and wiped away the tears that had soaked her cheek. “So many tears.”
She laughed, afraid more mucus would find its way out of her nose, and covered it with her hand.
She felt drained, emotions swirling around her in that room. Her last week in Tokyo had passed like a dream. Since they had come clean about their relationship with each other and then to his family and hers, they had spent every waking minute together.
···
She had called her mother the night before. She anticipated disapproval, but instead, she was met with curiosity.
“So, honey, Rick has told me all about you and Ryo. What’s he like?”
“Uh, what do you mean, Mom? What’s he told you?” she asked, knowing the answer after overhearing their call.
“Well, he called me, you know how we’re old friends.
And he mentioned that you guys had gotten involved and that Ryo was coming to look at Penn before the fall semester starts.
I just want to know what he’s like, sweetie.
You’ve never introduced me to any of your boyfriends before.
” Did her secret fumbles with Dave mean that he was her boyfriend?
“He’s great, Mom. You’re going to love him. He’s smart and polite.”
“He sounds wonderful. And I remember from years ago, Rick sending us photos of him. He’s pretty handsome, if I remember?”
“Yeah, he is. He’s ha-fu , like me. That’s the word they use here. You know, when people have like a white parent and a Japanese one. I guess it applies to anyone part Asian, or it could just be if you’re Japanese? I should check. But yeah, isn’t that funny? We’re two ha-fus .”
She listened to her mother’s silence for a moment down the phone line, a quick intake of breath. Kit waited, knowing her mother wanted to say something else, but instead, she cut her short.
“I can’t wait for Sabrina to meet him too.”
“I bet. Oh, I bumped into her at the country club with Judy the other week.”
“You did? With Judy? Working there, right?”
“She’s been working there all summer. At the clubhouse between the tennis courts and the swimming pool.”
“Oh yeah, I knew she took the job there. She’s still working now?”
“I don’t know, darling, I just know I’ve seen her a couple times. Working there and then sometimes with David.”
“Oh right. I didn’t know they’d been hanging out so much,” she mumbled.
“We can’t wait until you’re home. Dad’s going to put the grill on, and we can just enjoy the last few weeks of summer. I’m sure you’ll want to see your friends and get everything ready before…”
Kit listened, but Sally had stopped talking, and the words just hung there in midair.
“Before college? Yeah, I’m looking forward to being home too. Although I’ll miss Ryo, of course.”
It didn’t occur to her then that her mother had been away from her for more than a month and that her mother had missed her every moment of every day, with the prospect of college ahead.
It didn’t occur to her that her mother’s heart was breaking every time Kit spoke about the future.
Every time she brushed aside the suggestion of time together as a family.
One day it would occur to Kit. But not for many years yet.
···
Amy walked into Ryo’s room without knocking, and leaned against the doorway. Her nail polish was chipped and her hair was messed up, pulled to one side in a matted ponytail. She looked like she had just woken up.
Kit felt herself tense and tried to stand up from the bed, but Ryo pressed down on her knee . You don’t need to get up. We have nothing to hide , the gentle pressure said.
“So, this is the long goodbye, is it?” Amy rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
“Dude, it’s like two in the afternoon. Where were you last night?” Ryo said, throwing a cushion at his sister.
“Out.” She batted the cushion away.
“Okay, so we need to talk. You’ve been so shady all summer,” Ryo said, his tone playful, but Kit could detect concern bubbling beneath.
Kit watched Amy’s expression, which revealed nothing.
Her eyes were dull, complexion paler than Kit had last seen her, making the dark circles under the smudged eyeliner look ghostly.
She had been out most nights since the Kyoto trip, and once she had found out about Ryo and Kit’s relationship, she had stopped lingering around Kit’s bedroom and inviting her out.
Kit wondered who Amy had been seeing—was it the music teacher from the bar?
Was it Christian? Or was it someone new?
Kit looked at Amy and knew she needed help.
She needed a friend, a real friend. But in the last fifteen minutes she had in Tokyo before she headed to the airport, Kit could barely be that friend.
And the bare-knuckle truth of it was she was greedy for her last few minutes with Ryo.
She wanted his touch, his kiss, to remember each other right there, and to feel enveloped in the scent of his Eternity aftershave, which smelled completely different on him than on anyone else.
She wanted Amy to leave because she didn’t want the alarmingly altered look of this girl to soil this moment.
Amy must have read her thoughts, or Kit liked to imagine she had.
“Safe travels, Kit. Come back and visit, okay?” Amy came in and wrapped her arms around Kit’s neck. Kit got a waft of old cigarette smoke in Amy’s hair.
“Look after yourself, Amy. Maybe I’ll see you in Philly?”
Amy looked down at her, a tight smile spread across her lips again.
“Sure. Yeah, of course. You guys might be in the same college together supposedly.”
Supposedly.
She walked out of the room, waving as she left.
Before she could consider her own motives, Kit got up and followed Amy.
“Hey, hold on,” she said and reached for Amy’s arm.
When Amy turned to look at Kit, there was a sadness in her eyes that Kit saw for the first time.
It occurred to Kit then that Amy would be losing her protector when Ryo headed off to college.
She wasn’t the same as her brother, she didn’t have endless plans for a year of traveling and working.
Instead, she was now trapped in a cycle of bad choices: older guys she was seeing behind her brother’s back, anything that drew her parents’ attention.
And she was too addicted to the attention, good or bad.
“What’s up?” Amy said.
“That wasn’t a real goodbye. Here,” Kit said, and opened her arms to Amy, holding her small, bony frame.
She didn’t remember her being so thin. “I wanted to give you a proper hug. I will miss you, Amy Buchanan, and it was so great to meet you this summer.” For a moment, Kit felt Amy shake before her body relaxed into hers.
“You come see me anytime, okay? And let me know what you get up to. I’m excited for your plans for college next year too, and to hear about your year off.
And if you ever want to talk or anything, I’m just a message away,” Kit said, feeling like a sister figure to this girl she hardly knew.
“Thanks.” It was all Amy could say at first. Then Kit saw her draw a breath and a masklike smile land on her face again. “You knock ’em dead at college, okay. See you around.” And before Kit could respond to the phony optimism, Amy had turned and closed the door to her bedroom behind her.
When she returned to Ryo, his expression was unreadable.
“Is everything okay?” Kit asked, touching his face. He pulled away instinctively, and she drew her hand back.
There had barely been an exchange between them, but Amy had taken whatever she could from that room. The last moments they had clutched together were gone.
“Let’s walk in the garden until your car comes,” he offered and jumped off the bed.
Kit wondered how she would kiss him goodbye, the kind of kiss she wanted him to remember, the kind that would make him soar above, out of his body, the way hers had that night in Roppongi.
But the promise of their final embrace and kiss evaporated like early morning mist when the car arrived early and the Buchanans stood by to wave off their houseguest.