Chapter 17 - Sebastian
No part of me wanted to lie to Lydia. I didn’t want that to be the foundation of our bond, even if I felt it was the best way to protect her.
She had just come from a potentially dangerous living situation with her parents and Jack, and I didn’t want her to get caught up in anything else. I didn’t want her to doubt the safety I could offer her, and I certainly didn’t want her to fear that Jack might retaliate.
But as I sat there at the table with her, trying to keep everything under wraps in the meantime, I hated the turmoil within me. I hated the swirl of doubt within me—the faintest worry that she might decide to go back home and give in to her parents’ wishes. That to appease them, she might splinter our bond and give herself over to Jack.
A part of me wanted to believe the Jack situation was nothing and that he wouldn’t confront us or anyone in the pack. I wanted to assume that I was overreacting and that, since he likely knew about us due to tracking Lydia’s scent back here, he had given up and lost interest.
I didn’t know how concerned I should be about the whole thing, and while I knew I couldn’t keep it from Lydia forever, I wanted to grant her as much carefree time as possible.
Yet, as I felt her gaze on me by the time we both wrapped up our meal, I had the feeling I wasn’t going to get my way.
“What’s wrong, Sebastian?” She asked, not looking away from me. “Living with my parents in that pack made me very perceptive of every little expression and gesture, and I know something is going on. It would be easier if you just told me.”
Of course, she noticed something was off with me. For days, I had been sidestepping around the conversation, avoiding telling her anything about the scents we detected, and inadvertently avoiding getting too close to her out of fear that she might change her mind about us.
For a brief moment, I contemplated burying myself even deeper, but the thought alone made my stomach turn. She was my mate, and I didn’t want to lie to her.
Releasing a deep breath, I leaned forward slightly and met her gaze. The pit in my stomach only grew as the words left my mouth. “All right. First, I need you to answer something for me.”
Lydia’s brows furrowed slightly, eyes brimming with concern, and she nodded. “Sure, what is it?”
“Have you ever…considered being with Jack?”
I immediately hated how it sounded coming from my mouth and how it immediately forced a look of shock to cross her face.
I felt almost pathetic for asking, but I needed to know without a doubt that I wasn’t stowing her away for no reason. My inner wolf and I needed to know she was fully in this bond with me.
Although, as she blinked past that slight stupor, disgust was quick to take its place. “Jack? Why would I want to be with him?”
“Please, just answer,” I said, ignoring her question in response. I didn’t want hypothetical answers—I only needed to know where her mind and heart were before I could continue.
Lydia softened somewhat as she studied me momentarily, then shook her head. “Of course I haven’t. I’ve never been interested in him in that way. I couldn’t stomach it when my parents suggested I be with him—that was why I ran in the first place.”
Upon hearing her answer and feeling every moment of her sincerity, I felt ridiculous for even asking, yet I had to ask. She never gave me a reason to doubt her, but given the fragility of the situation and our new bond, I couldn’t help it.
I relaxed my shoulders and scrubbed a hand down my face. “I know that, and I’m sorry for even letting the thought cross my mind.”
While she had the right to be annoyed with me for even bringing up that momentary insecurity, she seemed everything but. Instead, that gentle gaze of hers took me in completely. “Is this why you’ve been a bit tense lately?”
Something about that question struck a chord with me. Knowing that despite my efforts, she was able to pick up on my slight pulling back while I gauged the situation made me feel even guiltier. That she was sensing a change in me and was allowed to feel even a moment of doubt.
While it wasn’t the entire truth, it was a suitable place to start. I nodded. “I know how intense your parents had been about the whole thing, and I was worried you might…decide that this wasn’t for you after all.”
There was a brief moment of silence as I averted my gaze, feeling that unusual embarrassment about sounding insecure. It was unlike me, and I didn’t want Lydia to think anything different of me because of it.
The warm presence of her hand reaching for mine came as a slight surprise, pulling me out of my thoughts. Meeting her eyes, I found only understanding.
“As much as I didn’t want to admit it straight away, you saved me from a terrible situation. I’m grateful for your kindness that night and for seeing something in me that was worth saving,” Lydia said with ease, allowing me to feel the slight tightening of our bond. “I’ve never wanted Jack, and honestly, for as long as I can remember, I’ve only ever seen you that way.”
My entire being felt lighter, and without needing to think about it, I gave her hand a gentle squeeze as I smiled faintly for her. “Then I won’t have any more doubts. This is all so new to both of us and I don’t want to rush you in any way, especially given what you came from.”
While I could see the spark of attraction in her eyes, Lydia nodded her understanding and allowed her hand to remain in my grasp. “We don’t need to force anything, but just promise me one thing?”
“What’s that?”
She cracked a small smile. “Don’t be afraid to give in. Especially with our bond, I feel the same things you do, and I’m not afraid to explore it.”
Catching on to her suggestion, I mirrored her expression and leaned forward slightly, bringing a hand up to gently caress her cheek.
At the light contact, Lydia immediately eased into it as her whole body relaxed. Her eyes closed for a moment as she soaked it in, almost like an affectionate cat would.
“So, you’re saying I shouldn’t hold back then?”
With a happy look on her face, she nodded.
Allowing my fingers to move deliberately down her jaw until I reached her chin, I carefully directed her eyes up so that she could not meet mine as they opened again. The sight of those innocent green eyes made my chest stir, and after hearing her loyalty to me, I felt a new sense of security around us.
“Then you won’t mind me doing this,” I hummed, leaning in so that our lips were a breadth apart, stopping to hear the faint catch of her breath. Lifting a brow, I waited for her confirmation with a teasing smile.
Lydia swallowed hard as she met my gaze, suddenly entranced by the proximity and contact. Blinking back at me, she gave me the slightest nod as I caught the noticeable jump in her heart rate.
The visible eagerness in her features stoked my longing.
Finally giving in, I pressed my lips to hers and felt her body immediately melt as she leaned into the table and returned the kiss with ease.
Everything in me came to life at the contact, and I allowed myself to soak it in. The connection was still young yet powerful, and every touch was enough to wrap my heart in that comfort only Lydia could give me. It was sacred to her, and no part of me was willing to take it for granted.
Even more so, I wasn’t prepared to give it up. Jack would be sorely mistaken if he ever tried.